I'm worrying myself over something that I shouldn't.
I can barely stand being at home for 4 days. I understand that it'll be summer, but even in summer I don't leave my house much.
I'm kinda thinking about different things that could fill up my summer, like spending time with my boyfriend and maybe 2 of my friends. So If I give those events a generous amount of days I still have atleast 4 weeks of nothing to do.
Last summer was absolutely HORRIBLE! I had almost nothing to do but watch TV and sleep. I set my personal record of sleeping for 15 hours (it wasn't completely straight, because I had fallen sleep on the couch and had woken up and crawled in bed, but that took about 2 minutes or less). I also set a personal record of drink 9 cups of coffee almost consecutively in less than a 12 hour time span.
Last summer my mom had fractured one of her vertebrae in a car accident in March. And so we was still dealing with that, which I understand, but like we didn't do almost anything. We could have done non-extreme things in side, like various types of games or watch a bunch of movies together, But we didn't. She spent most of her time in bed and I spent most of my time on the couch. Towards the end she was doing a lot better, but we still didn't do anything.
Btw, I don't have a driver's license or permit, and no motivation to get one. Plus we live out in the country and it takes 25-40 minutes to get to town.
Last summer I had very few things that gave me the desire to keep living, one of them was Parks and Recreation (the best show ever). I'd stay up till 4 or 5 am just watching movies and TV shows alone and it was pretty good. I felt alone, not the you're not technically alone but you're basically alone thing, It felt good. I could say whatever I wanted (in a low to moderate volume) and I could say things to the TV (like when a character does something stupid). Then the day would roll around (I woke up at 12-2 pm) and I felt so alone but I wasn't actually alone. It sucked.
Now I can't stop worrying about this summer. If it's as bad or worse as last summer, I have no idea what I might do. I just can't stop worrying.
I'll be honest. I'm a suck-y human being. I'm lazy, I make lots of excuses, I procrastinate, and when presented with the option I choose being bored and hating myself over doing something I don't like. That's the way it's always been, and I don't know how to change (which I guess is another excuse)(Plus, to be fair my whole family is like that, we're lazy people). Plus, I don't know where I would start, what I would grow, or what I would do with said things (wooo more excuses). I don't know what else I'd be responsible for.
I'd like a dog but my parents say no because I'll be off to college in about 2 years and I most likely wouldn't be able to take it with me and they won't want to take care of it. Plus my mom says we would have to fence in an area for it when we leave for most of the day, but "just that area would get all muddy".
Well, I'd like to be a somewhat productive person that has more than 5 friends (where 2 or 3 of them aren't just kinda my friend). I want people to look at me and think "wow she's beautiful", but I'm to insecure and self conscious to wear anything other that the same sweatshirt everyday and the same 3 pairs of blue jeans every week. I'd like to be the type of person that can just take failure in stride and keep walkin. Whenever I try to do something new and I fail, I lose all motivation to ever try it again.
Even when I'm alone I don't like doing new things cause I feel stupid or I feel like I look stupid.
I don't know. I pretty much just want to be someone else.
That's sounds like a good plan. If I'm really gonna work on being more productive, should I start out small and work my way up? If so, where do you think would be a good place to start?
Fun fact, that quote is on the wall in my algebra teachers room. She's my favorite.
Write down some things that you think are productive. Write them down whenever you think of them. This can be your map. You will find your way, one step at a time.
Take time to appreciate your accomplishments. Maybe discuss this with your wonderful teacher.
You are brave to ask for input. I think you will succeed in all of your quests. Find joy in your life everyday, it’s hard to stop once you get started.
Try volunteering! Or even a new job to keep you busy!
You are doing fine..you are doing something and that is working on yourself..you described yourself above and sounds like your inner self is talking to you and your listening to the awakening without knowing...its telling you how you are and you need to change...Start by changing one thing at a time about yoyrself like maybe apply for your driver's licence...another maybe, if your family is dragging eachother to laziness, you change it..be the opposite slowly get everyone involved in doing something small..maybe you make the coffee, mum or brother get some biscuits, or even if it is someone to turn the kettle on..get everyone involved..anyway you know you want to do something and be something so get through your motions..If you can't get out of bed early, get out of bed early!..If your not motivated for you licence, go and do it...also like someone said, do not let others get in your way or slow you down...Just get moving and take charge you will eventually get the ball rolling..good luck
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How am I suppose to live like this?
I am ashamed of what i did or what i did not do.
Anyone know what I can do to relax my mind. 😒 Don't feel like I am my self lately. 
Going backwards what do I do?
I don't know what to do 
