Spouse having trouble dealing with my anxiety and depression

[Abstract_M]

My husband is having a great deal of trouble coping with my depression (classified as untreatable Severe Depression) and anxiety, as well as my chronic pain (24 hour a day migraines). His family is the show no emotion and the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" type of family. They don't really "believe in" mental illness. My husband understands mental illness on an intellectual level, it is a chemical imbalance in your brain, but he still has no idea how to cope emotionally. Does anyone have any suggested reading for him or something that might help him better cope with his and my emotions? I got him into therapy and that is helping but I want to help us more, by helping him get a better grip on how to best cope with a spouse who has mental illness and chronic pain issues. Thanks!

[deborah27]

My thoughts may not be what you want to hear. You seem to me to be a 'fixer', you not only try to manage your own problems...You try your best to fix things for everyone else too. That is taking on a huge responsibility and this on top of your own health problems.

You said your partner can understand things on an intellectual level. Maybe he could find some reading material by himself? You say that you got him into therapy? Really? That he doesn't know how to cope emotionally with your illness?

I would hope that you will rest and be kind to you, that you concentrate on emotionally coping with yourself and doing things to help you. I have no doubt that you will continue to try to sort everyone else out, but hopeful that you will take a step back and let grown adults take some responsibility for their attitudes and behaviour. Let them figure it out.

[Abstract_M in reply to deborah27]

He has done research online, but you’re right. I am a “fixer”. Funny that you said to leave adults to take responsibility for their own attitudes and behaviors. He says that to me all the time. Haha

[deborah27 in reply to Abstract_M]

Glad to make you laugh, look after yourself. Always here for a chat.