I am new to this site and just wanted to share some of my challenges in an effort to see if anyone else may be able to relate to my story. My wife suffers from severe anxiety attacks. We have been dealing with this for about 12 years. Her attacks feature paranoia about people coming after her. She thinks they are plotting against her. Comments have included others bugging her phone, or our house to gain info about her. However, the biggest impact has been in our relationship. On a daily basis, she believes I am cheating on her. And she is constantly looking for evidence to support the thoughts in her head. I am sure she knows who I am, but I am a witness that when the flood of thoughts come and present anxiety, then they become the reality for her.
I am hurting. I have fallen into a deep depression over all this. I am not even as functional as I should be with my own daughter because the cycle of this affliction is so hard for me to bear. I want myself back. I want to be present for my daughter as I should. And, I also want to help my wife through these challenges.
Any suggestions on how I can stay healthy enough to support myself and her as well?
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runningwiththebulls
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First you are not alone. You need to find a support group here. They will get you the coping skills you will need for the long term. Please understand that others are going through the same thing. Remember also that your daughter may need support as well. It is not your fault that your wife is having this mental health issue. Please do not talk to your daughter about the issues your wife is having. That should be done by a professional. I hope you reach out more to those here for emotional support.
Thanks, ReadingGuy. It is comforting to know others have experienced this. I am not quite sure how to join a support group. But, I would love to connect with others who may have shared experiences. Can you explain to me how I might do that in this forum?
I agree with ReadingGuy…I can’t tell if your wife is receiving help with her issues. You can’t help her enough by yourself, you and she needs professional counseling. Children read their parents like a book, so she may already be aware that somethings not right. She may also need counseling. A lot to think and do about at once, but just getting a plan together, bit by bit, will help you.
Thank Isinatra for sharing your thoughts. To give you a bit more background, she has been seeing a therapist off and on for almost 11 years now. I used to ask how things were going. But, now when I ask she gets defensive. So, I just allow her and the therapist to work things out behind the scenes. You are right about the children. This is why I am really motivated to get some answers and soon. I know she needs a professional evaluation, but as I shared in a reply to another user, it's a very fragile conversation to have.
To your point, I know I need counseling. I feel I have lost myself in the process. I feel the weight of depression. And I feel I am a shell of the person I used to be. I am so frustrated. I don't blame my wife at all. She has had horrible childhood experiences. And even with the severe anxiety, I know it is not HER. But, how the anxiety makes her feel in the moment.
I think if the content of her anxiety were about other things, I would be impacted as great. However, I a devastated that literally on a daily basis, she makes remarks about me being unfaithful or wanting to leave her.
I appreciate your response. Is she on any medication? Eleven years with the same therapist? You already see the things that need done. I would concentrate on getting help for yourself first to give you the strength to deal with your situation. It will help lighten the load placed on your shoulders. Of course your wife isn’t to blame. Blame the disease.
Yes, I agree. I need to help myself. I am fading fast. And, no. 11 years for approximately 6 or 7 different therapists.
I agree. I can see the next steps. I am seeking help for myself to make sure I even get to the next steps. This is so much more that I can bear alone. I don't have anyone that I can really talk to, because I don't think they'd understand. Plus, it's such a sensitive topic, I wouldn't want to affect our current progress in this by simply oversharing to the wrong person.
Your wife needs professional psychiatric and medical help, especially the former. Paranoia is a serious condition. I believe it can be treated with drugs. She should seek help as soon as possible. You may have to help her find an appropriate psychiatrist and possibly take her to the first appointment. It is important that this be treated as it has the potential to severely damage your family, including your daughter.
Thanks for replying and giving your input. I agree that she needs a professional evaluation. However, getting her to that point is a different story. It's a very slippery slope. In the past when I have made suggestions about her getting help, she leans into the idea that I am gaslighting her and trying to inflame her. Sometimes that I am trying to tell her about herself and I have no expertise on this. Other times she mentions that she feels attacked. She also thinks it's connected to me trying to make her out to be "crazy" so that I can have more women for myself. So, I really have to move cautiously.
However, I am positive that there is a serious mental illness that is going unchecked. The intensity has grown over the last few months (especially in this COVID era). Any suggestions on how I can get her to the point of accepting and getting an evaluation without pushing her further away?
The problem as I see it is that you have an unstable wife who won't accept help, and a child who needs protection. It is not surprising you are also becoming depressed.
I have a friend like that also, and there are times she has had to be admitted to a Mental Hospital as a non-voluntary patient, as she can become a danger to herself and others when she is in these episodes. Are there any family members who have witnessed her behaving irrationally? people who can back you up?
It might be worth having a word with Social Services, or your doctor for advice if nothing else, as to how to protect your daughter. Are there any relatives locally who could take her for a short while? Maybe until the end of the school holidays?
Your wife is desperately in need of help. If you decide to try to get her admitted as a Non voluntary patient, it could spell the end of your marriage, as she could blame you, but your daughter's future welfare is paramount in this instance.
I did look to see if there were paranioa specific groups on HU, but haven't found one, unfortunately.
It's an interesting thing. She is clear-minded about 15% in a day. But, the other 85% is pure hell for her. I just want to get her the help she needs so she can be functional. Again, thanks for your convo Midori.
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