Looking for advice on dealing with a spouse who doesn't understand anxiety with OCD and depression.

[Freewill]

A year ago I lost 2 family members within a months time. I cared for them both when they were on hospice. Then, right after that I had some serious complications with a surgery that left me physically and emotionally traumatized. I'm now facing another surgery that is more involved to correct what complications occurred during the first one. (I have lots and lots of anxiety now about having the second operation). I shared this because I have delt with anxiety and depression off and on for years, but last year's events sent me downhill emotionally in a way it never has before. It triggered not just major anxiety and depression but some serious OCD/anxiety behaviors. I'm on medication and seeing a therapist, but I'm still struggling to keep myself going. My husband of 19 years doesn't get it. He functions just fine and feels that I should be fine as well. He has no idea what I'm talking about or why I'm crying etc. He will not go with me to therapy so that is out. How do I get him to understand that I want to feel better, I'm trying, but it's not like treating a cold. How can I get him to take it seriously and understand that I have a mental illness and feeling this way is not a choice?

I really dont have much of a support system. Besides my husband only one other person knows that I'm struggling.

Your advice is appreciated!

[meredithr]

You are in a tough spot. I feel for you. For men that don’t understand it’s very tough to get them there in the moment. They are afraid and shut down to protect the family instead of doing what they should, support the matriarch which supports everyone.

I’m not a psychiatrist but is it possible you have PTSD?

The symptoms are similar but different from depression and anxiety. I got diagnosed this summer after two years of thinking my depression was exponentially getting worse

Took awhile to find the right treatment but EMDR changed my life in 4 weeks.

[meredithr]

If you are interested

[meredithr in reply to meredithr]

mind-diagnostics.org/ptsd-t...

[Freewill in reply to meredithr]

Thanks for sharing! I never thought of PTSD. Also, what is EMDR treatment?

My therapist specializes in CBT and talk therapy, but I'm still feeling stuck.

[meredithr in reply to Freewill]

emdr.com/what-is-emdr/

[Tikirob]

Hi. I have OCD. I lost my Mom and Uncle within months of each other this year. Lost my housing too for a period of time. I skipped over buying a piece of artwork at a thrift store that was worth 200,000 dollars and lost my health insurance, let’s just say it’s been a stellar year. But I am here and I want to help you get through this. I know lots about OCD and I am sorry to hear that you have lost loved ones and that you need another procedure. After dealing with my OCD for years my partner and I separated and she threw me out of the apt we had together for ten years. I always felt she never understood it well. In our separation we communicate better and she understands my condition more. I think it’s almost impossible for a normal person to grasp the multitude of worry OCD creates. The doubt and guilt it sends direct messages about to us. And it’s a very isolating disorder.

You can ask him to sit with you and watch an OCD documentary. You can ask your therapist to calm him directly if the therapist is willing to do so. I very much recommend trying to get into an ocd group in addition to therapy. Some are offered online but overall they are very hard to find.

I can talk to him! Just kidding I don’t think that would be too effective but please IM me if you ever need to talk about anything OCD related or just respond here.

[Freewill in reply to Tikirob]

Tikirob, thank you! I agree it's hard to find OCD support groups or even therapists trained in treating OCD. I'm still trying to figure out what is normal and what is my OCD. It's a struggle.

I'm thinking your suggestion on having my husband watch a documentary or something similar might help him understand.

Any suggestions/recommendations you might have on OCD resources such as a documentary or educational videos are welcomed!

(There is a podcast I found called OCD stories. I listen to it in my car. It has been very helpful, but I will need something more than that for my husband. )

[Tikirob in reply to Freewill]

There are many OCD entities associated with the International OCD Foundation which I will not recommend to anyone with OCD unfortunately the OCD podcast you named is one of them. These are corporate associated groups that do not truly advocate for OCD patients. I do not condemn the podcast it’s a great resource for people with OCD but please keep in mind the host is really about creating awareness more than change. In my opinion change is most important now. But I encourage you to use any resource you can even IOCDF it can help you. I recommend listening to Dr. David Byrnes. I recommend the OCD handbook. I recommend nutritional and herbal/homeopathic approaches as well. Did you know that most of our setatonin is created in the stomach? My advice is to stick up for yourself when you can, trust your instincts on who takes the hypocratic oath seriously and keep good ties with them. The blessing with OCD is that same analytical mindset that devours our concerns can also be used to create beautiful art. Try and put your thoughts to paper, the internet or to something you love.

[Freewill in reply to Tikirob]

Tikirib, thanks again for the input! I will look into your suggestions. Also, I appreciate your statement about the blessings that go along with OCD. I really hadn't viewed it that way. I really needed to hear that!

[Tikirob in reply to Freewill]

Anytime! I will do my best to keep up with you as you go through OCD and treatment. Thanks.

[Tikirob in reply to Tikirob]

One other thing, United Kingdom has many great OCD advocates, I try to keep up with the trends there to stay in touch with treatment models. Also please research the Bergen method for OCD which is a new European treatment process for OCD which has showed promise.

[ginger01]

Your husband doesn't get it because depression, anxiety is a very complicated disease. He sees his beautiful wife, but not her brain and the chemicals causing your illness. I was a depressed child and inherited from my father Over the years traumatic incidences led me to bulimia and alcoholism. Therapy is wonderful, BUT what really works for me is talking (in my mind) to myself and God.

I'll take a walk and review instances that really hurt me and my reactions.

I certainly don't know if this applies to you, but I'm learning to accept life and when I feel "unliked" I remember who made me, and who I belong to.

Your husband may never get it dear, but you have to love yourself