Mess

[weegmack]

Hey. I haven’t posted on here for a while. I’ve been with you all, but I just couldn’t bring myself to write or respond. I’m so utterly sick of myself that I just need to say it. My body is a mess, my mind is a mess.

I’m 44. I feel so old. I’ve lived so long with GAD that it’s caused me to be utterly depressed (resistant to medication). I can’t shake it. I am beleaguered with pain. My body hurts. I have chronic daily headache and now I have back pain that simply will not go away. Today, I have developed terrible pain in one of my breasts. My joints ache. I have IBS. I’m done.

It’s possible I am pre-menopausal and I am told that it can do all sorts to your body. But the thing is, I have health anxiety and I am terrified I’m dying. I feel like my body is telling me that my time is up. I have children and a husband and worry every moment or everyday that I’m going to die or have a terrible illness that will traumatise them.

I have nobody to talk to, but you guys. My mother has zero empathy and cares only for herself. My husband can’t really take much more of me talking on and on about all of this. X

[Agora1]

Hi weegmack, you know that we are always here to comfort and listen to each other. x

It does sound like you are in a lot of distress and I'm sorry about that. Have you seen

your doctor more recently? It's hard when you are dealing with GAD as well as pain.

Have you found anything that may comfort you? You say you are medication resistant.

I'm still using my meditation and deep breathing several times a day and the other day

used it for pain. I was surprised in how focusing on calm moments while breathing

deeply took away the pain within the 10 min. video on YouTube. I hope you find

a way to stop the circle of fear that you seem to be in now regarding your pain and

how it affects your family.

We are here for you. xx

[weegmack in reply to Agora1]

Thank you 🙏🏻. . I think I’ve just lost the ability to get myself together. I wake up everyday to a new pain that never goes away. I’ve been to my doctor many times - I’ve even bee referred to a rheumatologist, but nobody knows what’s wrong with me. I literally cannot be bothered speaking to my doctor about it now.

I’m just too exhausted to try, but I know I need to x

[Agora1 in reply to weegmack]

I hear you weegmack. It takes a lot of effort to go to a doctor

when we are not feeling good (especially in pain). I have a Rheumatologist

as part of my team because of my Fibro although I barely see her anymore.

I wish you well and wish I had some comforting thoughts and suggestions

to send your way. But know that I care and I'm here if you need to talk. xx

[weegmack in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much ❤️❤️. It’s good to know I’m not alone.

[Agora1 in reply to weegmack]

You are definitely not alone. We all care. xx

[Pugglesworth]

Hi Weeg.

Anxiety sucks. Pain sucks. Pain caused by anxiety sucks. Having chronic anxiety with chronic pain sucks. You may not know it, but you're in a big boat. Many of us deal with anxiety and the physical pain it causes. Our nerves and receptors get so overused that they respond way too quickly and with way too much force at the smallest of reactions. And then we're spent. We're done.

I haven't had my disorder as long as you, but I have experienced the headaches, body aches and nausea you're referencing. And I still do sometimes. But then I don't. I've researched the heck out of my condition and am still learning about it. I don't think that will ever stop. But the pain does. It always does.

Agora is right: it is a circle of fear that keeps us trapped. I call it a loop because it feeds on itself. Fear-->Pain-->More Fear-->More Pain. The good news is you've experienced the worst of it because our body only has so much adrenaline, cortisol and other stuff to expend. The sympathetic system can only be engaged for so long before the parasympathetic system must kick in.

There's a great book by Claire Weeks called 'Hope and Help for Your Nerves'. Get this book and find someone to talk to.

[weegmack in reply to Pugglesworth]

Thank you. I totally agree with you about the anxiety-pain cycle. I think if my doctor would just say that’s what it is, I wouldn’t worry so much. I haven’t heard of that book, I’ll see if I can get it tomorrow. I guess I just need a break from myself, if that makes sense? X

[gemfire in reply to weegmack]

Yes, definitely get the Claire Weekes book! The first 5 chapters matches you (and me) to a tee. Hoping you find some answers and relief.

[dawgloverr]

I've really found that my health would act up when my mental state was poor and vice versa. They are SOO connected. What helps me is trying to get to the bottom of my mental health issues and once the root of the problem is solved usually my physical/ medical state improved as well. It seems like you are exhausted living this way and I am so sorry that you are dealing with all this physical pain. There is never a quick fix but a small way to start to improve your mental state is to find a small glimmer of hope during this time of (what it seems like) hopelessness. It also sounds like you do not have a good support system, which also can add so much more distress because you can't talk to anyone about it. Going to a support group to find others (in person if you can!) also helped me TREMENDOUSLY. Just to speak and relate to others who are going through similar struggles makes it just a tiny bit easier. Hope this helps!

[weegmack in reply to dawgloverr]

Thank you so much. I really don’t have a good support system. My husband does his best, but it’s a lot for him to deal with. I tell my mum nothing these days, because she doesn’t appear to care. My friendship circle is very small, the more ill I’ve become. I’ve just stopped talking to people, really. I’ve been on a waiting list for therapy for months and have months to go. The waiting time on the NHS for mental health right now is 57 weeks! I will look into finding a support group xx

[foxglove_pnw]

Hi !! Welcome to the board !

I am also 44 , married with two kids ! I have had anxiety since I was a child but it got really bad 20 years ago .

I have a lot of the same symptoms that you do !

This is the right place to find support and learn new coping skills !

Hang in there ! You are not alone !

I would love to chat with you more ❤️

[weegmack in reply to foxglove_pnw]

Hello, fellow 44. 😊. We are very similar - I’ve had anxiety since I was a child too. But I haven’t been the same person since my youngest was born (nearly 17 years ago). Do you think you might be in peri menopause too? X

[Amy615]

Thanks for ur advice...u seem to be very informative...this piece of advice can come a positive hope to many women who especially suffer from these hormonl fluctuations and nothing else..but that gives them a feeling that they r suffering from something more severe...god bless u..n hope u keep informing the world around..

[weegmack]

Thanks so much for all that info. It makes so much sense! Are you in the USA? I’m not sure if we have Functional docs here in Scotland. My GP has been pretty dismissive about peri menopause so I’m gonna pull it together and get appointment with a different GP. I’m pretty much gluten free already because of IBS. But I really need to try harder to address what I eat. Xx

[weegmack]

I’m just as frustrated as you....but the more you tell me, the more I’m convinced that I’m peri menopausal and it’s getting blamed under that umbrella of “mental health”. The annoying thing is, my GP is a woman! She is honestly a very nice person, but she’s SUPER rational and quite a conservative person. So...I think my best bet is to ask for a referral to a gynaecologist. In the system we have here, that’s probably the best way I will have to talk to someone about menopause. I’m actually going to my local sexual health clinic tomorrow to get my Mirena coil removed and another fitted, so I will ask them if they can help me.

I’m not going down the antidepressant route. They have never worked for me and I refuse point blank to take them. And, as you say, they will be useless to me now. All they do is make me violently ill! So I promise I won’t be persuaded to take them.

Your advice has been invaluable and I greatly appreciate it ❤️❤️

[weegmack]

I’ve had two Mirena coils and they haven’t affected me. They actually help my IBS and pain. But I know that others have had trouble with it. Xx

[Strongheartforever in reply to weegmack]

Oh good I’m glad they’ve helped you! xx

[weegmack in reply to Strongheartforever]

I got it in this afternoon.....cramping 😩😩😩. But it’ll pass soon xx

[Reallife72]

Hi. Strongheartforever has excellent advice. What I will add to that is to find a menopause forum online to help you through this. You are not alone and lots of ladies find relief by balancing their hormones.

[weegmack in reply to Reallife72]

Thank you - I’ll seek one out! I guess I was just not expecting it yet. It’s such an unspoken thing still - it’s like there’s still a stigma around it. My mother has never talked to me about it and still calls it “the change” 🙄🙄