Friends?

Hi guys I’m 21 years old have generalised anxiety disorder and have been out of work for 8 months. This isn’t really a support question more of an asking an option of impartial observers. So over the last 8 months I’ve withdrawn more socially but have had sporadic periods of social interactions I just don’t really feel like going out on much happier at home. Where as I used to love going out all the time before my panics started etc now there’s always something in the back of my head saying I need to go home. Anyway I digress when I chose to leave my job in August one of my best friends said to me that my life was meaningless now. Understandably I’ve been annoyed at him ever since and my brother continues to pal around with him like there is no issue. This friend has made no effort to come and see me knowing fully well the situation I’m in and actively excludes me from events. In my opinion. I’ve been friends with him for over a decade as has my brother. Do you think it is fair for me to be annoyed at my brother and friend and feel as if this has further compounded my self esteem issues or should I understand that it’s my fault for letting this anxiety dominate me and try and go it’s more because I won’t get invited places if I don’t go out? This has really stated to make me feel just awful about myself additionally my friend continuously tells me I’m a shadow of my former self.

Any help or advice would be great I know this isn’t necessarily anxiety symptoms but it’s a consequence of it

[kenster1]

hi friends can say things out of turn not really understanding how that could make you feel.maybe he just meant by giving up work you couldn't live the same life as an employed person i.e buying new clothes going out holidays that type of thing.why don't you try talk with him let him know his comment upset you and that your struggling.hopefully you will get an apology.

[Hidden in reply to kenster1]

Thank you for the reply I should of me Timor’s I already tried this and he denied he ever said it

[kenster1 in reply to Hidden]

don't let it linger in your head concentrate on getting yourself better hopefully soon you can start looking for work again.

[Hidden]

Hi there 🙂 I think it is completely natural for you to feel hurt by your friend’s comments as well as frustrated with yourself for growing less sociable. This is sort of the “catch-22” situation a lot of us with anxiety face. We feel safer and more comfortable at home in a predictable environment but in order to desensitize ourselves from our fear we need to force ourselves to go out and sit with our discomfort. I have three little nuggets of advise for you coming from someone who has struggled with anxiety for several years. One, don’t be so hard on yourself. This situation with your friend is not your fault, but it isn’t his or your brother’s fault either. Which brings me to nugget #2...I know how difficult it is to step outside of yourself and look at the situation from a different perspective but try if you can. Your friend may be hurting too. He may be looking at your friendship from the angle that the two of you used to be very close but due to your health (again, not your fault) the two of you have grown apart. He may just miss who you used to be and is finding difficulty learning how to be a good friend to you now. Lastly, you are doing really well to realize what is holding you back. Just don’t let it dictate your life. I have let anxiety and depression dictate my life and it can become very dark and lonely if you let it. If you feel good about staying home, there is nothing wrong with that. But if you feel guilty or sad about your decision to stay in, maybe go out and interact with people even if you only stay 10 minutes. You never know what good may come from it. I’m sorry you are going through this. Wishing you the best.

[dawgloverr]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. That bad friend sounds like they do not have any mental health issues correct? Well if they don't then it is dangerous to listen to someone's advice or opinion of you who has no idea what you are struggling with. It's like asking a firefighter how to sew on a button. His advice is meaningless. Everyone has the right to feel how they feel. You are annoyed and rightfully so. If you feel better and safer at home right now stay home! You don't owe him, your brother, or anyone else anything. You need to focus on what will bring you relief from your panic and start to look into why you are feeling panicked. If you are in college I would highly suggest popping into a counselor's office to speak to a professional. Remember that your well being and happiness come first, always. Hope this helps!

[Hidden]

I think your friend means well. Mental illness isn’t something people can see. We who suffer with it must learn to bear these wrongs with patience and love. Your friend lacks the ability to place himself in your shoes. He can’t empathize with you. Unfortunately from my short time on this planet you always encounter a few people like this. It isn’t the norm but it happens. I wish I could offer advice that would make it hurt less. We are only human and when people say insensitive things it hurts. So don’t second guess yourself. Your response of feeling hurt is healthy and not related to any thing irrational.