Finding Friends

Hi everyone, this is my first post here. I'm not really sure what to do. I am an introverted person by nature, but there are a lot of things that make me feel even more depressed doing alone: eating out, hiking, studying, etc. I would like to find a friend or even better a group of friends to do these things with, but feel trapped by my depression and anxiety. I have a hard time reaching out, but I feel like if I do nothing my anxiety about not having friends will get even worse.

[mentalcase]

Welcome to the group. I am the same way. I don't have any friends and can't get close with anyone because of my trust issues. I would love to have someone to visit with and go places. I live by myself and it's a lonely life. I suffer from depression plus a lot more and the last few days have been really bad. Depression makes us isolate ourselves and we don't have the motivation or energy to go anywhere or do anything. I just found this site last week and have been posting quite a bit. The people here are there for us and understand. I hope everything works out for you. Just remember that you can make friends here and talk to them. The bad thing is we just can't get together with them.

[Hidden in reply to mentalcase]

Thank you for your message! Yeah, I definitely understand that. I think when you just do things alone, it can be worse than having someone there to share the moment with. And you're right, there are clearly so many amazing people here and I look forward to reaching out more with them.

[Abdul88]

Welcome 🤗

[Hidden in reply to Abdul88]

Thank you 😊

[Hidden]

Hello and welcome curiousDude4 very nice to have you here x 😀

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, it's nice to be here!

[Pugglesworth]

One thing you might try is finding a hiking group. Local Parks and Rec Centers usually have these.

Or even a study group.

Just a couple ideas.

[Hidden in reply to Pugglesworth]

Those are really good ideas. I have been part of study groups in the past, but generally find it's hard to continue those friendships outside of those contexts and as far as hiking groups, I would like to but find it hard to find people around my age. I will keep looking though!

[Hidden]

Welcome! I’m the same way too. It’s hard. Although I will say, I posted a similar question when I joined here a couple weeks ago and now I’m just feeling encouraged by everyone here to take a few chances....and call a few folks, set a few boundaries. If my efforts fail tomorrow, I know I can come here and be sad about it and get support.

As best I can tell, there are people who “get it” and people who don’t. Welcome to a big group of people who totally “get it” and will get you. 😀

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I'm really glad to hear that! it's always good to push yourself outside your comfort zone in ways like this. I hope that works out, I know it can be really hard to call people out of the blue. And you're so right haha it is nice having all of these people who get it.

[Lonely3190]

Hello there, I know how you feel. I don't have any friends around me either, but now I am here for you and whoever else that needs a talk. I love a talk.

[Hidden in reply to Lonely3190]

Thank you!

[Imaaan]

Welcome to the forum

[Hidden in reply to Imaaan]

Thank you! glad to be here

[Lazy_dog_lover]

I found a Facebook group about making friends as adults. Joining groups with similar likes seemed to be a big point. Local clubs (Legos, sewing, painting, fishing, walking, whatever you like to do) and go to a few meetings. I will see if I can find the info.

[Hidden in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

That's a good idea! I haven't tried that too much, I will try to find one.

[Omghelpme]

Take some of the classes offered at your local library. It’s an easy relaxed way to make friends. And they are free.

[Hidden in reply to Omghelpme]

That's a good idea! I have had success in the past especially with art classes.

[propjock]

It is a real problem. I currently think I can’t find friends, but I can be one. That I can control. I can listen. Sometimes some friendship comes back. Then I have to not be “too much” for people. I’m mostly happy now but I’m still “too something” for most people. The COVID makes it harder. But I also don’t see so many people enjoying their friends and feel left out because of the isolation.

[Hidden in reply to propjock]

Exactly!! It can be really hard to balance those things, especially when you find yourself becoming "too much" someone or vice versa. It is true, COVID has really hit hard on the social aspect of things and I feel like people aren't always willing to go out of there way to talk or meet with other people.

[sallyw_12]

You might also consider volunteering for a cause you care about. It always feels good to do something for someone else and you never know what friends you could make along the way! 🙂

[Hidden in reply to sallyw_12]

It's interesting you say that because it's something I'm very interested in. I once helped hand out food to the homeless and tried to interact with other people there but felt really awkward. I would like to try that again, I just sometimes feel self conscious about going alone.

[Otaku12]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm 30 and I'm unemployed with only 1 friend who I very rarely see. I have social anxiety and OCD which makes it hard to be outgoing. It almost feels impossible sometimes to make friends being out of school and work, it's like where do I even meet people? I'm not one to go to bars or other places people congregate (ofcourse with COVID those aren't even really an option). I just want to find a few friends that I can hang out with and do simple things with. I haven't lost hope yet, but one of my greatest fears is being alone for the rest of my life so not having friends does weigh heavily on my mind.

[Hidden in reply to Otaku12]

Yessss! It seems most people meet their friends early on, either in school or work and outside of those outlets there aren't too many options. It's one of the things that's motivating me to hopefully find a new job. Anyways, I totally feel you.

[Cariss]

I can totally understand. I've been misunderstood and rejected my whole life. Which adds to lonliness and mm ore depression.

[Hidden in reply to Cariss]

I'm sorry to hear that. I have been there too and it hurts every time. I guess we can only hope that we will meet the "right" people someday.

[Cariss in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the reply. Yes hopefully sites like this will help

[penguins123]

Try volunteering when Covid eases up a bit more. Look for places and people who will appreciate you volunteering. I'm almost certain you will make a friend or two, plus you will feel good helping others.

[thara9643]

Find a hobby. This is a good way to meet people.

[Jay2O]

Curious. Hi and welcome. You may not realise it but you have amassed quite a lot of new friends here already. Be proud to be the person you are. I am also introverted. I like more of the quiet things in life. When you are young you feel you need to alter to be accepted and fit in with others. As you grow older however you know that to be truly happy you just need to be yourself and not care too much about others. They will be concerned more by themselves. You talk of finding it hard to make friends well you only need to take yourself to a few places where people will be and they need not be crowded or noisy places. Voluntary work could be a great thing even though you feel you are nervous sometimes. Just be yourself. Choose something of interest to you and just give it a go. Many places have walking groups too. And in some areas there may be group meet ups for anxiety sufferers. See if there are any near you online. They do all kinds of activities. You could maybe even form your own group. There are many possibilities. I think you will find more friends when you find work. Am guessing you are studying right now. You may be surprised at how many others are out there similar to yourself. Take care x

[Hidden in reply to Jay2O]

Wow! Thank you so much, that's very kind of you and as you said, I am really shocked by the outpouring of support here. I will keep trying, I just sometimes feel worn down and lack motivation to keep trying but as you said, I am sure there are people/ groups out there. Thank you again!

[Jay2O in reply to Hidden]

You are welcome Curious. Sometimes friends come along when you least expect them. Have yourself a great day. 😀

[Mistybloom]

I'm also the same way. I have no friends and the only person in my life really is my husband. It gets kind of lonely when there is only one person you converse with on the daily. He's amazing but its just not always enough. He works and visits his parents daily and has a big family that caters to him. I'm happy that he has that, but I don't have any of that. I see my kids occasionally but not much. Its a pretty sad existence sometimes

[Hidden in reply to Mistybloom]

This is probably closest to my situation right now! I have a few family members, but I know they can't be the only ones I converse with. I really feel for you and know how hard it is not having all those people. Well, we are all in the same boat and hopefully we can in a way build that "family" here ourselves 😊

[Mistybloom in reply to Hidden]

I joined this forum hoping for just that but haven't really connected with anyone or figured out how that's even possible I guess. When posting, a couple people respond and then that's it lol so not really thinking this is gonna work for making friends lol

[MoonDreaming]

Hey there and welcome. I feel the same way, I am also introverted and have anxiety that puts me into a panic and then my brain shuts off and I become awkward. People here are very kind and supportive and will offer advice. I have had a hard time making and keeping friendships over many reasons, but the feeling of loneliness pushes me to try. I've tried meetup and bookclubs. It takes time and persistence and just someone nice and willing to be a friend. We are always here to talk and offer support

[Hidden in reply to MoonDreaming]

Thank you so much!

[Freesoul66]

Yes, here and ready to listen.... that deep feeling of loneliness is present at times... but do not believe everything you feel.... we are here to listen. What state do you live in? I’m in PA. XO and reach out any time. Julie

[Gentlespirit]

Find something that is interesting for you to do or something that you would like to learn about or see what is available where you work or in your neighborhood. Are there any plays or clubs or anything in your community center or the YWCA?? There are programs for excercises or swimming or a variety of clubs. Or the animal shelter or food pantries or soup kitchen or volunteer opportunities available. See whats available.

[Gentlespirit]

A walking or bicycle group? Do you have social anxiety too. Sometimes talking about good movies will open up a conversation. Or good books or what is playing at a theater. A gardening club or a group for plant enthusiasts or the health conscious groups. Bakers vegans keto .

[Gentlespirit]

With the positivity rate down more places are opening up so that may help in that at least you can go out. Covid has made it difficult and excacerbated conditions.