Me: "No you don't. You don't have a clue what it's like to be me."
Nicole: "I just want you to be happy."
Me: "I want that too but in reality that shit will never happen."
Then I started thinking. Is it possible to live your life as happy? I have happy moments like seeing my baby smile but to live my life as happy...no. I spend my day trying to cope and managing anger. Following a quote by Morgan Freeman "Get busy living or get busy dying" I'm on the living side but to do it happily? That's a stretch. Thoughts?
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aaronm
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(((((((((((Aaronm))))))))))) hugs ... do you want to talk more about what it is like being you? I know you have a huge heart and do so much for your family. I see you as a rock. I’m glad u r on the living side. I think you can be happy; don’t give up hope in that.
Yes please try not to loose hope and I know how hard it can be as I have almost given up just couldn’t take it anymore just miserable but decided to try one last med and it is helping my extreme moods to be less aggravating. I feel I could be in my way to a much better place.
I wonder if there are things in your life outside of yourself/emotions that could be changed to help lessen your stress. I find that my stressors irritate my bipolar /anxiety ocd symptoms. I do too much sometimes. Or I sometimes see things as too much to handle but if I take one day one thing at s time it can sometimes help.
I care about you and your well-being so much. Saying a prayer and wishing you well my friend.
❤️ maybe try taking out more time for yourself? I really don’t know how much time you can take for yourself but I find the more time I have to recharge the better. It’s hard with so many people wanting things from me but I do break free to have me time. I imagine you having not much time either.
My thought is that culture is too obsessed on being happy. It is not something wrong with you to be unhappy. Life has more than one color of emotion and experience, it seems like people forget to respect that. Respect your anger, respect your sadness, they are parts of you telling you that you hurt and that you need change. It's okay to need, whether that need is small or large... It is okay to be lacking what you hope for.
I agree with you Skydreamer. What we are talking about here is emotions. There is nothing wrong to feel "negative emotions" it's part of being human. If you are not feeling those emotions or trying to block them it's unhealthy.
I guess what she means is she wants the best for you. She sounds supportive. She doesnt have to understand what you are going through to love you. Just having her there to listen and hold your hand is a blessing. She's in your corner. She's there in the moment,present, with open ears and thats what's important.
I think happiness means different things to different people. I think in this example I think she's saying that she just wants to see you enjoying life. Life is to be enjoyed. That could mean anything that can bring joy like laughing, smiling, enjoying hobbies, being w friends and family, having a good time, enjoying work.
Again, she only wants what's best for you. She's a keeper! lol
You are too hard on yourself. Evrryone makes mistakes. It's not what happens to you it's how you deal w the ups and downs that make this life all worth it bc shit happens to everyone. Nobody is perfect. Nobody!
I’m working on the same brother. I am too hard on myself too. I don’t know where to begin. Maybe affirmations? Has not worked for me but maybe if I kept up with them I don’t know 🤔
the reality is....people with treated or untreated depression are lucky to have days where they are happisher.... I have my moments of being happy....but mostly just happisher. It's a sad fact that we suffer an inner sadness that is chemical, and yet still not fully treatable. We have good days and bad days, but most are in some gray area. It's not our fault, but for our loved ones, we have to be cautious to not make them feel they have let us down some how, some want to fix us, and some just get frustrated and leave us to our own devices. When I'm going through my 'down time'.... I give my partner a heads up so they don't take it personally....and they know to just give me the space I need to work through it, but at the same time they let me know they are there, and they do care. It's always a balancing act in any relationship....but ours do require a bit more at times.
I like that idea of happisher. I kinda feel validated by your comment. Thank you. I feel so often on this site that I'm not alone. I love everyone for that. My wife sometimes let's me be and sometimes is the fixer.
just let your wife know that she cannot 'fix' you....and that by her just understanding that this is a disease that is not 'fixable'.....she can give herself a reprieve....and give you space when you need it. But if your in crisis....get professional help....our loved ones have good intentions, but are not equipped to deal with us when we are at our lowest point.....for that we need the big guns.... That kind of burden on a loved one isn't fair, and they cannot take responsibility for our actions....we have to. And when we are too sick to take care of ourselves in a crisis situation....we need to get help. It's not our fault we are sick, but it's not our loved ones fault they can't understand all of what we go through either.
This is an interesting question. I think that how we define things is important. If I strive for happy, I am probably shooting for contentment. Not all smiles and laughter, but definitely not sad. Contentment allows for some problems (within reason), where happy seems so positive. I guess that there are people that are happy being miserable, so that throws a wrench into the whole thing. I just go with; “Right now, everything in my world is exactly as it is meant to be”. So I guess that contentment is fine with me.
This makes a lot of sense. Some people are miserable. That isn't me. I can say I'm content. Thanks for your response. I think your very wise like Dumbledore! Have you seen Harry potter?
No I have not. If he is anything like the master on Kung Fu, then that is me. Well, if the master was built like a linebacker and had hair, it would be me. A lot less Oriental and a better dresser...
Happy people just pi$$ me off lol. Just kidding. I'm certainly not happy all the time, not even half the time, which doesn't necessarily mean I'm unhappy when I'm not happy if that makes any sense. We just have to find the most happiness we can with whatever our circumstances are, and to find some happiness we have to stop having the mind set where we instinctively look for reasons to be unhappy. On the contrary, we have to look for reasons to be happy and have our eyes open enough to recognize the good things in life that bring joy to our lives. IMO Life's circumstances certainly play a significant roll contributing to both being happy or unhappy, but of even more significance our way of thinking and mind set largely determine wheather or not we are happy. It's more challenging for some as it is for me, but happiness is a state of mind where we train ourselves to focus on the positives in our lives rather than dwelling on the negatived. It's tough to do sometimes, but if we focus on doing so we can all find more happiness in life. We just have to be vigilant in not dwelling on negatives, and we will be happier as a result of doing so imo.
You pose a good question. I used to think that a state of happiness is something to work towards. It was so elusive though. I came across a book called “The Happiness Trap” by Russ Harris, it is based on acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). The selling line on the back of the book says ‘How to stop struggling for perfect happiness and lead a richer life’. I found the book very empowering.
It is good to hear that your wife is your biggest supporter. You are blessed.
Hi I just wanted to add that from the months of research, I have come across a lot of scholars and thinkers saying that happiness is not something you work towards when you are in this position. Happiness is something created. You create your happiness. You have to rewire the brain to think of new happy thoughts. We are the creators of our lives, not the victims of them. God (or whatever force you believe in) gave you this body and soul to create your reality. You are doing great aaron!!
I'm in a different trench from where you are, but I have been giving such things a lot of thought over the last year...
Specifically, I had a ghost rise up, last night, from my recent past, needing my help, after hanging up on me in August...this person, yes, suffers from multiple triggers and can escalate their behavior, very rapidly...however, they are not the only person who has triggers...and, that day in August was not their good day, at all, either. But, that went ditto for me...so...if you have triggers and I try to help you with something mundane, but it doesn't go totally your way--in spite of trying my best--please do not act like a spoiled child and start shrilling to me over the phone about how much you don't like my best efforts to help you (for, free). Then, if I call you on that bad behavior, you most certainly can take the option to hang up on me...but do not expect me to be overly joyful to hear from you, ever again. I've had real friends (not a lot, but they are important to me) that I've known for over forty years...I can't think of a single time that we screamed at each other--screamed together, happily, while seeing a Rush concert, most definitely! But otherwise, no...
Well, said-person tried all the tricks--you are mistaken/you were the one that started screaming first/I don't remember doing that, and I can't help it if I did it and don't remember and you frightened me (funny, I was the one who was uneasy about a negative reaction...more fool, me)/what do you want me to do, apologize?
Yes. Please, I insisted.
Oh, the outrage...well, I got the sulky apology and was told I didn't deserve it. My rebuttal was: then why the hell are you calling me for help?
Stony silence. And, I know why...because they didn't have anyone else to call. This sad individual has "triggered" everyone away.
Two hours later, this person stressed me to the point that I knew I was having a massive potassium dump (my whole neck turned red as a rash), and I felt more sick hearing from them, again, than if they'd never re-entered my life. Did I help them in the end? Yes...but, only so their pet could continue to have a roof over its head...I made that clear. Also, I made it clear that I cannot help them, anymore, this year. At this juncture, I'd help a spitting cobra, more than I would help someone who can't help but scream when things don't go their way...and, I'm terrified of snakes.
Bottom Line: I'm an ok person. I try, always, to do the right things and put myself in the shoes of others--even if I can't understand, I want to help. And, I'll keep trying, as long as the other person does the same...that's a promise.
But, I've trumpeted this, before: as my late dad used to say, you are the only one who can drive the truck of your life--and ward off those who purposely crash into your lane, whether they can "help" it, or not. And, as my late mom used to say, one hand for you, one for the ship...you have to learn to pick and choose your battles.
You are such a good-hearted person! And, yes, your plate is way too full; but if you can't sleep at night by letting go of some things, there must be a reason why you keep your good hand in there...I can't prove it in a court of law, but maybe you are fighting down the unrest in Life, trying to make peaceful order, out of it all...it's small wonder that you are frustrated. I applaud you, but I feel for you...your wife sound like a good friend, too. Good friends listen and try to help...we, most of us, are all fighting to head in a more positive direction. Trouble is, some don't want do the scary, hard stuff, to make it all work, Like my former friend, they'd rather cajole someone else into it--then, rap them on the knuckles when it doesn't go their way. I'm sure that isn't happening to those you love and are trying to help..but I guess what I'm getting at, is to make sure you know who your fellow travelers are. No sense finding out that you are the "bad guy," just trying to do the good things...that really sucks. Ok, I've gasbagged enough...blessings and we do care--keep us posted!
I have a friend and one day she came round shouting I am having a really bad day and want to smash something. So I screamed back So do I. I found a couple of old plates and we gaily smashed them to smithereens against a wall. After that she thanked me and said she felt so much better - so did I. Then we laughed, went out and got tipsy. x
Hi no one can be happy all the time and no one is. I think the most one can expect is to be at peace with yourself with some happy moment thrown in. You are describing some lovely happy moments and many people can't even experience that so that's great. x
I do not know what else is happening in your life so I will just propose a general thought. Being grateful for just about anything can help make life a little better. There are so many people who lack basic necessities not only in the rest of the world but even here in the U.S. If I can eat three meals a day, I see that as a blessing. It also helps immensely not to look at what others have. I have lived in a third world country, among farmers who only have water buffaloes to help them with farming, they walk to their fields for hours, houses made of bamboo and leaf roofs. They are happy when they have something to eat, a fruit to enjoy, sweet rice cakes. Most people have no chronic illnesses but die of old age. It thought me to simplify my goals and desires instead of stressing out over things I want that later prove was really not worth it. I hope you feel better, bud.
Its still rough going. Very difficult but necessary conversations with my wife causes stress in top of the stress already there but things do seem to slowly be falling into place.
This situation of trying to decide the most appropriate action for an elderly parent who doesn't know what year it is, who he is, where he is, or why he's here, I wouldn't wish on my enemy.
You give him love and care. This is the biggest sign of how great your heart is. You are an extremely great person. You do so much good to others. I know that there will be a day when it all multiples. You deserve it so much!!!
Oh dear...the thoughts are never gone. They are daily. I have to learn to live with them. Some days its very easy and some its very hard. Similar to sadness and depression. Some days are good and some are bad.
Hard to imagine me being example. I have made some nimrod fucking mistakes.
I think that being happy is something that isn’t ever going to be a default setting, you know? Happy is an emotion, just like being sad, tense, or angry. Happy comes & goes. We have moments of happiness when something awesome happens, but I think what we should strive to be is “fine” or “comfortable”... just my added thoughts. I’m with you through this, Aaron. I know what it’s like. I’m going through the same thing. I have so much anxiety right now & I can’t seem to get myself out of it. I’m sorry that no one around you understands what it’s really like to be you. A lot of my family do not understand it either. But we do. I certainly get it. Here for you. Xoxoxo
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Then we laughed, went out and got tipsy. x
Happy thanksgiving!!
Worthless and Helpless. Nobody will care if you die. Life go on
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