How do you?

[mikeski1956]

How do you open up and tell someone how you feel, open up about what happened when you were a child, get answers about why it was me, what did I do to deserve it.

So how do you start to tell people, without feeling guilty that I did something to deserve this, this feeling so ashamed that I did something for them to do what they did.

How do you tell that you feel so low that you think about ending it, trying to find easy ways to di it.

I was alone then and am alone now, no one to confide in, thinking better of not here, out of it, be much easier than having to explain what happened, not having to come to terms with it.

What makes it worse is that it still goes on now, and no one listens, no one wants to know...….

[hypercat54]

Hi Mike I think it's scary for other people to reveal too much about yourself and especially when you talk of suicide. They get worried, don't know how to react, and run away. You haven't got to explain yourself to anyone you know. Don't forget too that everyone has their own problems and can't always give you support when you need it.

Are you having any counselling? That would seem to be the way to go. x

[mikeski1956 in reply to hypercat54]

I did have counselling arranged through work, but I couldn't really open up with him, one session I nearly did but held back, didn't know what he would report back to work.

I am waiting for counselling through the NHS, but this takes time.

I also worry about admitting my thoughts on suicide and fears.

Just getting round to the subject, how do you without feeling guilty, without being blamed for what happened, without being ashamed about it, what do they think was it my fault did I do something to encourage it, always being told to never tell anyone

[hypercat54 in reply to mikeski1956]

The work counsellor wouldn't have broken your confidentiality and told work but it is difficult isn't it. You didn't do anything to deserve it - that is very common thought in abused children, whether it's mental or physical abuse. Being told not to tell anyone is a classic response of a narcissistic parent. You are made to feel ashamed and guilty. It's important to remember that the responsibility for the abuse rests with the abuser and not the victim. You are in no way to blame.

I am glad you are arranging counselling though with the NHS you are in for a long wait. I think it will help you though. Meanwhile have a look on the net to find out more about the roots of your depression and anxiety, and also on YouTube. There are lots of videos on it. x

[Savingstar]

talking it through with someone hi is qualified is the way to go. I found it really helpful as I could say anything and not having to worry about being judged as I only ever saw them in a session

[mikeski1956 in reply to Savingstar]

see reply to hypercat

[quitter333]

uh, just be honest. why lie? just go and tell them.

Try not to be creepy and repetitive about it, but generally almost all people will be ok with listening to you in a moment of sadness and comfort you.

idk.. I have been rather open about myself to many people, but then again I am very focused on becoming more and more better stronger more intimidating and advancing leadership abilities.. currently I "open up" more about my concerns if I go the right path etc, rather than some past things or sources of sadness. idk.. they became kind of irrelevant with time. I did open up about them too thought long ago.