Spiral

[Idk1234]

It's swirling round that endless thought spiral thats killing me. It's all in my mind , in my tiny little brain but I just can't get it out. I get angry with myself for not being able to control my internal emotions and hurt myself. I can't open up. I can't get help. I can't breathe without sinking into darkness. I live with a roommate who self harms for show. She walks around with her sleeves up, I've never lifted my sleeves above my wrists. She gets help. She gets sympathy. I don't want sympathy. I wanted help. But I feel as thou ppl would think the same of me as her. So I keep myself enclosed. And I don't want help. I just want to be normal.

[Sablegirl]

Ohhh Idk1234,

You legitimately hurt inside & it’s the most private pain & you’re right, to get angry or feel frustrated, suffocated. I do too much of the time.

I “fell back” & hurt myself about a month ago...I was spiraling from my 17yr old kitty’s death. I’m not proud of it. Always feel stupid later but please please seek out a counselor or someone who will help you talk about it without blabbing it to people you know, etc. you’re valuable your life matters!!

[Idk1234 in reply to Sablegirl]

I spent two months pondering over your reply.Printed a copy and kept it in my diary ( not allowed phones in boarding). Kept it as a motivation... And it really has motivated me. I'm not ready to approach anyone, I think replying to you is quite a big jump for me. But honestly thank you for your reply. You really don't understand how much I appreciate it. It must've been a privilege for your kitty to have had you. Xxx

[Sablegirl in reply to Idk1234]

I’m really glad that my note was comforting for you.

[DavMath2]

I agree with sable you matter!! The difference in you and the roommate is you say she’s show and walks with her sleeves up but you don’t and that’s ok also, get a GOOD therapist which has sworn to get a license not to tell what you talk about unless you’re going to kill someone then they will but what you say to them is private, also get one you like and are comfortable with it makes a huge difference!! God bless

[1stfootforward]

Hi idk1234, I can't sleep, logged on here and read your post... You really have made a step in the right direction by opening up and sharing your thoughts and feelings on here, you really need to seek help to cope with this situation you're in, I don't mean to sound daft or anything but what stops you from talking to your gp about this? Until you really make a determined effort to get help can you see anything changing, getting better for you? I know it must be so hard for you, but you really have to try and find the strength to reach out to a professional... I'm sure you'd be very happy that you did once you start to get the support, the advice and the right person or persons to help. I've not experienced your problem personally, but I know that there are people out there who have been where you are, felt how you feel and turned their life around and moved forward to live a better life helping people who they can empathise with, and vice versa. Life is too short and precious to suffer even another day when you could get the support you will benefit from. What do you think...?

[Idk1234 in reply to 1stfootforward]

Your words have left me in deep thought. Maybe it's time to turn the tables. Thank you