please help

[Win99]

had it all, family, friends, "heart and soul", a solid moral compass and lost it ALL in an ugly divorce and job loss due to the Pandemic. I'm struggling with what my career, quality of life and outlook was before the pandemic and in the four and a half years since, I've lost everything and feel a great sense of low self worth. I'm teatering on financial bankruptcy and am morally bankrupt

I don't speak with my octogenarian parents due to money, my children are grown and we were all once so tight. And my ex doesn't want anything to do with me nor my family.

I never used to be this way.

I'm working now (2 jobs) but my income is a fraction of what it used to be.

I feel so ashamed, worthless. Meaningless, and I have deep remorse and wish I made different decisions

Lately this depression has been so debilitating- feel clostraphobic, sweating and have been so sad and actually crying in public at work and uncontrollably

Please help me.

I once had a golden soul and am worth saving !!

[TailWags]

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I can identify with the new BC.... Before Covid. It really did change the world and definately my life. We cant go back in time, just try to make the best of what we have. It is hard. I feel better when I have something to try. At least some hope. Tried cbd and sativa for anxiety. Want to try amino acids for depression and anxiety. Trying to deal with stuff is about a full time job. And not a very fun one. Anyhow, I really hope you can find a happier time in life. Peace and happiness. That would be great. Take care.

[Hidden]

hi,yes your soul is worth saving. I experienced alot of complete disconnect after the pandemic. Both of my sisters stopped talking to me. I call my 91 year old father every week because I have forgiven him for my abusive childhood. My daughter’s husband is filing for bankruptcy due to the pandemic. My granddaughter is suffering from selective mutism. She was frustrated while learning to talk when she had to wear a mask to daycare. I am so sorry you suffered so many losses at once. Don’t give up despite the insanity of our country. People don’t like to talk about that time and the problems it created for so many people. I care and I cry and I miss the friendship I had with my sisters. They are on the east coast and I am on the west. I have severe arthritis and can’t fly across the country. They would never visit me. I know in my heart that I will never see my father again and probably not my sisters. Please don’t feel abandoned in your pain, there are some great people on this forum that are kind and willing to share with you. Reaching out is the first step. I care.

[Win99 in reply to Hidden]

thank you

[Win99 in reply to Win99]

I want to go back in time to make better decisions to avoid this pain

Wish I could.

[Win99 in reply to Win99]

How did you make up with your family ??

[LostnLonely0910]

Hello! Of course your still worth saving! Your soul is still gold, why wouldn't it be. Divorce happens, an family sucks. You work two jobs which is fantastic, an might have to learn some budgeting it sounds like but totally normal things people might start to feel less then about if you get wrapped up in your head especially. Don't beat yourself up. Your allowed to be human. An if u were wrong fix it if u can't yet financially acknowledge it at least. I hope this helped

[Win99 in reply to LostnLonely0910]

Thank you

[Win99 in reply to LostnLonely0910]

thank you

[Hidden]

hi Win, I had to take the first step with my sisters. I sent an email to one sister asking what went wrong and why the anger. She apologized and said she was drinking alot and knew she was nasty when she was drunk. Good enough and we both talked on the phone a long time,before that she blocked my calls. My other sister still drinks all day and she doesn’t remember hanging up on me more than once. She calls now once every few months. We are in our sixties, and we are survivors of an abusive childhood. My husband has been very supportive when I felt like I lost my family. I am lucky my daughters and spouses moved to west coast too. I had to take the first step and move on. Hope today is better for you.

[Win99 in reply to Hidden]

I completely understand. I'm lost

Today was a first step with my ex wife. We met and she was rude and mean but it was the first steep

Our daughter may be "lost" in San Diego and she hasn't really communicated with my ex nor me often enough. She hasn't a secret life and my ex is scared.

this all adds to the deep blues and depression I am experiencing

But today was a positive step and for the first time feel like there is some possible light at the end of the tunnel

[Hidden]

glad to hear you are making small steps. I hope your daughter is safe in San Diego. Mine live near there,outside the city. Maybe you can reach out in a text message. We always and still do provide a soft place to fall, our home is always open for them. My youngest is in difficult marriage and knows she and her daughter can come here if needed. Alot of people may object because she’s 38, and some say I make it too easy. Because of my childhood I could never turn my back on my grown daughters . I hope you can get in touch with her and resolve old problems. Today was a step forward. Keep posting. I will pray for her safety.

[Win99]

hi there. I'm having a bad day. It's gloomy rainy here in NYC and I am having thr deep blueS

[Win99]

I tried calling friends and family and spoke to a dear friend and my son. But can't seem to shake this episode right now

[Win99 in reply to Win99]

Hi how are you doing today? Thanks for all your prayers and notes recently. I got through the day and am in bed right now praying

[Win99]

And I got in touch via text with my daughter. But still I feel blue