Left alone at 8months pregnage

[Moonwolf20]

Hey, I've never done this but I think I'm at a point I need to talk to someone and get some advice.

So I've always had a little bit of depression on an off but these last few months have been really hard. My ex-boyfriend (father of my second child and baby on the way) we have known each other since middle school and almost 3 years ago we had a fun night that resulted in our daughter. unfortunately, in that same week of our fun time, I did have relations with another man so at the time I wasn't sure who dad was but everything was pointing my new ex. Anyways we both were still friends and no hard feeling was going around which was nice. Fast forward to about a year after our daughter was born and finding out for sure she was his, we started to get closer and closer as friends/co-parents and we started dating and by my daughters second birthday, we got a place together. It started kind of hard because we both never lived with another person and he was getting used to being a full-time dad both my son and our daughter. About 3 months of living together I found out that he was cheating our whole relationship. The way I found was his ex came to our house, tried to talk to me but he got to the door first and sent her away. Before this, he would talk about her from time to time just that she was kinda crazy and they fought all the time. So after she left he tried saying she wanted him back and was angry because he got a place with me and not her. I believed every word... Later that night she found a way to message me and told me that they have been sleeping together off and on for almost two years. At first, I didn't believe her but she had sexual text from him to her and sadly Marco Polo videos all with dates on them. I shut down and shunned him for about a day. When we started talking he apologized, explained and said it was over with her and she was a drug he needed to end. I did end for about a month, some shut down happen, I listened to his bs and I stayed. Ended for about two-three months then came back up a third time and at this point, I am about 4-5 months pregnant witch he was so happy to be a dad again. I still stayed and told him for the sack of the kids and that we were in a lease I would stay but If he actually loved me and wanted me to love him he needed to stop or we would be in a loveless relationship or I would find my own fun buddy (not my plan at all) It seemed to have ended and sadly I got to a point of going throw his phone which made me feel like a crappy person because I never wanted to do something like that and have no trust in my partner.

7months along we were doing good but we were having financial problems that led us to having to move in with my parents (A very low point for us both) It was his idea to do it but after he moved he started shutting himself away and finding reasons to leave to work early and one day he told me he was gonna stay at a friends house because he needed a break to figure out his own plan in life and just need some time. I was shocked but sadly saw it coming. We still did things together as a family and he still spent most of the day with us. We kinda started to get close again then I saw that he saw his ex again and I desisted we needed to be done. It was still very hard expesualy at night when I felt the loneliness.

Now 8months pregnant I just found out he got himself another girlfriend, not even a full month of being separated he moves on so easily. He keeps telling me that he wants us to be good friends again and he's really sorry for his bs and he misses being able to come talk to me all buddy buddy like. I try to explain to him that he needs to show me respect and actually tell me the truth about stuff instead of waiting till I find stuff out like his ex and new girlfriend. I'm just so angry, sad, lonely and confused. I can never tell him exactly how I feel and I don't feel I can be fully angry at him when he comes by. I feel if I say was I think I need to I'm gonna push him far away were its makes co-parenting really hard and unpleasant. I have good parts of the days then I start feeling lost and alone. I really didn't want to go throw another pregnancy by myself and I honestly think that's the main reason I stayed with him. I really wanted that movie like pregnant couple thing where the couples share in every little prego thing and enjoy the life they made together. Iv wanted that and never actually got it. I just don't want to feel like crying anymore and I want to move on...

I could keep going to try and explain how I feel but it could never end.

Thank you for reading and maybe someone might have some input?

[Kkimm]

Hi Moonwolf.

I am sure you will be feeling alone and depressed with all you have been through and having to cope with being pregnant and having young children to care for so I really feel for you.

I think you have to weigh the pain that will be caused if you get back together with your partner and he cheats on you again, as I think you know he will, against coping alone and possibly eventually meeting someone new who you find you can trust in the long run or being a strong mum on your own.

I think you need to find the strength in yourself, which is there because you are being a mum to young children and coping with pregnancy, to cope alone and not feel you need him or rush into a relationship with someone else until you are sure you can trust and rely on them fully.

If you get back with him and you do the pregnancy together there may be times when it feels like it is meant to be, but you will always have in the back of your mind a doubt about if you can trust him.

Your amazing children are what life is all about and having the joy of raising them alone but with stability so they are not constantly seeing you falling apart because he has cheated on you again, is crucial to their long-term well being. Being a parent is the toughest, most wonderful and most important job anyone does in their life. You are playing the most important role in forming the character of future citizens and parents to come down the generations. Them seeing you being strong and independent will be wonderful for both little girls and boys and will be the thing that is most rewarding for you in the future. Seeing you always upset and a victim who is cheated on by a father figure is likely to do untold damage to them.

I think you are a strong person and a good parent going through a really tough time just now but you can do it.

My very best wishes to you and your children.

Kim

[fauxartist]

He could have a problem with commitment....or sex addiction....either way.... it's wrong to not be up front with you and be fair about his issues. He sounds like he does care but cannot commit to anyone really.....but that's his problem and his loss. You cannot live your life being sloppy seconds or letting him have his cake and eat it too..... many men do this sadly, sex for them is the hunt, and concur mentality sometimes.....and yet they want the home fires burning for them and happy family, and in smaller numbers there are women that do this too. Women often view sex from a romantic and commitment point of view once you've had kids together, but things change again, and usually the kids come first....which often means some men can begin to feel left out because the women who choose to be the caregivers are often exhausted with it and there's not much room for romance and that 'dating' atmosphere.

At this point you have seen him repeat his lying, and infidelity, and inability to commit.....I'd say you should get some counseling on how to let go and move on. Both of you should work out his end of the care for his kids, and let you get on with your life.

One word of advice.....rebound sex usually never works out too well.....often leaves you feeling even more empty...... I'd give any relationships a bit of a break till you have had time to process your feelings and get settled.

[froggymom88]

This is not a healthy relationship for you. There is a lot of negative things going on ,and not only does it affect you but also the children. They should be your first concern. Maybe some professional help at this time would aid in moving you forward in life to something better.