My battle with PTSD

[chuzl]

The battle began in the spring of 2015. I was an eager 23 year old with a loving fiance, an incredibly smart toddler, a new puppy and a house we finally had shaped into a home after 2 years of ownership. Unbeknownst to us there was a person closer than we knew that would forever change our lives, relationships, and our home. In May I noticed some personal items of mine missing, I chalked it up to foolish misplacement. Then more personal items went missing, I started to become concerned. I called my mother to ask for her advise because at this point I knew I wasn't misplacing things they were being taken. Over the course of two more months my home would be broken into again and again. Finally with some help from a friend I was put in contact with a detective who took on my case. Due to the privacy of the items taken they were nervous for me. Obvious to everyone at the time was that this individual was fixated on me. This wasn't a burglary for items of monetary value, this was burglary for the sake of obsession. The last time he broke into my home he couldn't find an unlocked window so he pried the window next to my side of my bed open until he physically broke the window and could get in. This entire time I came home to find my puppy had broken his lead, this happened numerous times, little did I know he was trying to stop the burglar and protect our family. Mack (our puppy) would never leave my side and slept underneath my side of the bed to watch over me. Long story short the detectives uncovered that the stalker was my neighbor. He was 19 and lived with his parents. This came as a shock to us. We were always friendly with our neighbors and would talk and even exchange cookies and vegetables. The parents were very good people. I don't know a whole lot about what his obsession was or why he chose to torture my life for months. I began having night terrors soon after this all began, I would find myself acting skittish in public and constantly in fear. My fiance began heavily drinking feeling as if he could not protect us, our son was afraid to sleep in his own room and we had to re-home our puppy because he started to have anxiety and began physically becoming ill (he is now doing amazing in his new home and is back to his old playful loving self). My stalker was sentenced to 3 years in jail but only on counts of burglary. He confessed to breaking into my home on 3 occasions. He served his 3 years and is now out of jail and aloud to live next door to me again. I have a civil stalking protection order against him but as I have learned that is just paper. He has ran into me numerous times, one time I even had to have the cops remove him which they failed to follow through with the fact that he was blatantly in violation of the order. He knew I was there he had the audacity to walk or how I call it shoulder check me and just stare at me and smile, he also was drinking which is a direct violation of the terms. He thinks he is above the law now. I sought help during the court proceedings and I found a way to suppress my night terrors and later found a way to cope with my PTSD. Now that he is released everything is back with a vengeance. I am losing sleep, I am so irritable that it may rip our family apart. I just want to feel safe again, I want to be able to sit in my living room alone and watch a movie! I want to be able to walk into my house no matter the time of day and not have to look over my shoulder and think is today the day he attacks me.

[brokenlight]

chuzl- thank you for being here & for sharing your story with us.

I feel pain for what you’ve been through & I’m so sorry that this happened to you.

Wishing you & your family peace, safety, & ease ✨

[Hidden]

Omg!! I know you have heard this plenty of times before but any chance you can move?? Seems like it will be a constant situation and a danger to your family. You move, it's over. Not the ptsd. That will take time to heal.

[gfranklin12]

Yes, I can see and understand your terror!!! I also suffer from PTSD, due the murder of my daughter. There is a fear of the unknown, when you have a individual commits such a terrible crime upon you and puts your life and your family life in fear!!! Then, you have face him or them again just after they have done their time?!?! The justice system is a joke, and I was law enforcement, and juvenile justice for 5 years before I got into education as a principal. Sweetheart, I know how you feel, and my daughter's mother, and myself asked the judge to please lock up the man who killed my beautiful daughter... her ex-boyfriend, and father of my grandson, for as long as possible!!! But one day he will be released, and we know he will want to see my grandson... that thought along cause me anxiety, and nightmares quite often throughout the week. I understand your concerns and fears sweetheart, but as a man, and your husband is not going to let anyone or anybody ever cause you such pain and suffering ever again!!! Also, do whatever you have to do to not interact with him!!! If moving is a option, not because you are running from his sorry ass, but to help with your anxiety, and PTSD. Have you or are you seeing a therapist??? They can help with the night terrors, and teach you to manage your PTSD. Anyway that I can be of assistance, please just reach😊😊😊!!!

[grebedz]

That sounds horrifying. I have similar feelings more than daily of fear and needs to be aware of something seemingly kept unreal to my perception, as I have, and have before, and been hurt in many ways many times due to knowing, feeling, being obstructed, and kept from awareness, ability to contact or communicate with loved ones, or (and this is continuing) feel safe interacting with anyone or anything, or real, even in the slightest bit.

3 years of real time passage is an awful long while, and if they have not been provided with counseling, measurement and observation of physiology-emotional or communicative states, and their effect on sensitive or more aware persons, then they probably shouldn't have the opportunity to make it back into society, specifically near you.

Maybe that's extreme, maybe it is just what is a necessary precaution to safely avoid harm, prevent confusion, or indirect blame, but it seems more than a little rational to me. Having more than once and in much more than in one life having experienced worse than what anyone should ever have. Even if I'm told by experience not only that I, but safety, and expectations or observations re not real.

So I feel your pain even if I am not real, myself, nor present to or with others communicably or observably as such, though I as well need to know I can be and or feel safe and not have to worry.

From someone whom has no choice, and only motivation to know that life should not only be better than it is, but that people are inherently selfish enough to choose to do nothing close to the best things for another in need, I trust you can know you will be able to know that safety is more than possible, but believing and experiencing are seldom either connected nor observable or internalizable by ourselves after or doing moments of duress, turmoil, or perpetual fear instead of awareness and trust in necessary guidance in recovery.

Maybe it is irrelevant, but do you have security system(s) installed that could insure your own peace of mind if someone did break in? They are usually quite comprehensive and sensitive. Often with phone calls to make sure you and your family is okay.

[Mireyaozzieg]

I would Move out because he sounds like a Creep.