Baby Steps

[-Sasha-]

I just recently ended a 13yr relationship with my boys dad. We talked to the boys about everything last night and today I'm moving my stuff out of the room and into another. Not ideal I know but there's not really any choice as it's hard to make it out there on your own.

This is what I've been having trouble sharing tho... details from this relationship. Manipulation was the key ingredient here. My everyday struggles are...

Not falling back into old habits, trying to figure out which thoughts are my own, staying strong because weakness means opportunity for him, and the worst one is if I'm crazy and this is all just in my head.

I know I need to get away from him but I'm stuck right now. My family knows enough that i need help and are doing the best they can at coming together to work against him (that's a different story.)

I think taking a few steps in the right direction is allowing me to open up a bit so I decided to do that before I talked myself out of it. I also wanted to see if anyone has any experience with this? Maybe it'll help to talk to someone who can relate. Thanks for reading.

~S~

[hypercat54]

Hi this is a common tactic with narcs - gas lighting you so you start to doubt your own reality. It will be hard at first to be on your own but I think you are doing the best thing for you and your boys.

If he follows true to form with narcs he will be lovely and nice to you until you decide to give him a second chance, then when he has got you back revert to normal. Don't be fooled though x

[-Sasha- in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you! Unfortunately I've been down this road with him before and because of that, I'm letting my actions speak for me. That's all I can do. I want out and only I can get myself out. Others can help, but I have to do all the hard work. I appreciate the support and encouragement.

~S~

[hypercat54 in reply to -Sasha-]

You are very welcome my friend and I am always here for you. I consider you one of the lovely people on here who are always supportive and caring. x

[-Sasha- in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you so much. It's really nice hearing that and sweet of you to point out 😊

[mrmonk]

Sasha, I am going through something similar, coming to the end of a twelve-year marriage, but unable to live apart from my wife until our divorce for financial reasons. I can't imagine how much more difficult this must be for you, though, having children.

I try not to go into too much detail about my marital problems on a public forum like this because my wife doesn't have the opportunity to give her point of view, but if you look at my posting history, you'll find bits and pieces of my experience.

If you want to talk more about your situation, I'm happy to listen and commiserate via private message. Oftentimes, it can take me a bit to respond in chat because one of the ways OCD manifests for me is that I compulsively revise anything I write, even short emails, chat messages, etc. But please know I will respond, if you wish to talk sometime.

Take care, be well.

[-Sasha- in reply to mrmonk]

I'm sorry you're going through something similar, but Am grateful you can relate. I completely understand not wanting to put your business out there, especially if both sides of the story can't be told. Aside from venting to a loved one, I try to avoid talking negatively about him because at the end of the day he's still my boys father.

I appreciate your offer and will more than likely take you up on it. It feels like it's going to take a whole team of people to help get me through this, so I appreciate ALL the support I get.

~S~