Too much right now

[ComingUpRoses]

I don't know if this post truly belongs here, but I'm lost otherwise. I need to get some things out of myself, and this was the only place I could come right now.

I found out today an old friend of mine passed away from cancer today. I wish I had taken the time to go see her. She just turned 35 last month. We hadn't ended on the best of terms, so I let stupid human things like anxiety get in the way of not seeing her. And now it's too late. I can only hope she knows now it wasn't because I hated her.

It also seems my living situation will be changing, by the end of the month at soonest. I am not currently living with my boyfriend, and he got himself into a predicament with his landlord where they now want him out by the end of the month. He couldn't afford to live where he is now on his own, let alone anywhere else. This all moves things along much faster than I had wanted. I was trying to save to get my own car before I moved out of my parents so I could cut those ties and move on better. But that goal will now be much further out of my reach.

I don't know right now. I guess I just needed to put all this out there. I'm having trouble processing any of this right now because it's all happened together. And I still sit here, fearing judgement from others. The depression is kicking in pretty hard right now. And even though there's reason this time to feel it, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I guess at the end of this all, I don't seek any answers. Just someone to once again listen and understand. If you read this far, I thank you for taking that time out of your day. It means a lot.

[Mena2603]

That's a lot on your plate sweetie. I feel for you. I want you to know I'm listening if you want or have anything else on your mind dear let it out.

[ComingUpRoses in reply to Mena2603]

Thank you. I keep wanted to cry today, but I haven't even had the time. I wish I could spend tomorrow in bed and pretend I don't have responsibilities. I want a break. I need a break. I keep wondering how much more I can take before I break down. I worry this may push me to that point soon. I'll keep doing what I need to do each day, and pray I have more strength buried inside me to keep going. I really wish I had time to even process the living situation change that's coming, but I don't. And because that has to move forward so fast, I feel like I can't process my old friend's passing. I only hope this month has nothing more to throw at me.

[Mena2603 in reply to ComingUpRoses]

You're welcome. I sure know how you feel all to well. Is there anything you can do in times like this that help you to cope at all? Or maybe a friend. Are you still in school? Maybe a school counselor if not do you work maybe a talk with your boss. Hun I worry you're on the verge of a break down and it may be more beneficial to you to take the day tomorrow off from your duties and just do nothing if there is any way for you to do so

[ComingUpRoses in reply to Mena2603]

Somehow I survived work today, but mentally don't feel any better. I need to make a couple phone calls, and I may lay in bed for a bit. I don't know. I'm not currently in school. I never finished college sadly. My job is providing support for a young man with asperger's, and it's not really something I can take any time off of right now unfortunately. I'm hoping once the weather gets nicer I'll be able to get outside more as that helps me feel better, but that's not really a solution to my worries right now. I guess I don't really have a good way to cope right now.

[Mena2603 in reply to ComingUpRoses]

I am so glad you were able to make it thru your day. I hope you can get that time to lay in bed too. It sounds like you need it. Yes the nicer weather around that corner can't come soon enough, I think that will definitely help. There's something about warm sunshine and fresh air. That's really nice that you take care of someone with special needs like that. Though I'm sure at times it can be trying, especially with the weight you carry on your own shoulders.

[ComingUpRoses in reply to Mena2603]

My biggest thing to look forward to now is my cocoons that I've overwintered, that should be coming out sometime in the end of June or early July. I am quite excited for that. Raising silk moths is a hobby that keeps me going.

[Mena2603 in reply to ComingUpRoses]

That sounds so cool. I am happy for you. To have something positive to look forward to is a great blessing. To watch the fruit of your labor come to life right before you so neat.

[CazO46]

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend and how painful it is not to be able to tell her how you feel. It doesn't sound as though you really want to live with your boyfriend so I wonder if he could find another flat mate instead as ultimately you are not responsible for him and need to look after yourself. I agree with the others that you need to get some time off and rest otherwise you will crash anyway. Very best wishes to you x

[ComingUpRoses in reply to CazO46]

It's not really the way I would've liked things to move forward, but here it is. I know he doesn't have other options, other than living out of his car. I'm hoping we can move into the apartment that's below me now, as that would work best for me. It's a mess the way things are happening, but I'm trying to have faith things will work how they are meant to be. Thank you for your caring and time reading my post.

[CazO46 in reply to ComingUpRoses]

Not an ideal situation but perhaps it will be ok as long as you are both still able to have a bit of space and time to yourself . I have to keep reminding myself that nothing stays the same, good and bad but it's not easy to roll with the changes. I hope you manage to find a little time for yourself you deserve it x

[Hidden]

Boy do you have a platter to deal with right now! My heart aches for you! Here's a big hug from me! Peace be with you! XXX

[ComingUpRoses in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your caring. It means a lot. I feel like I'm just floating through, day to day, cause I'm too overloaded right now. Thank you for the hug! xx

[Hidden in reply to ComingUpRoses]

You are very welcome & I'm here for you! Breathe! XXX

[gogogirl]

Vent all you want and welcome.

[ComingUpRoses in reply to gogogirl]

Thank you. Just having people listen means so very much.

[Hidden]

Hey! I'm sorry about your friend it sounds like you knew each other well up too her death. I actually just lost my loved grandma that I adored to stage 4 cancer 3 weeks ago, it's the first immediate family death I've had.

It's really tough when everything happens all at once I've had that happen a lot to me and all I could do about it was trudge along and do my best. Sometimes though you feel like you need someone to talk to during that time, which I never had. So, if you need anything we'll all be here to listen for you. Take care!

[Hidden]

I also found out recently that a old friend of mine had passed away and its a terrible feeling knowing you cant speak to that person now i also have been having trouble with my autistic son at school where its got to the point he may be excluded if he doesnt start to show improvement my daughter is also having alot of friendship issues so all that is playing havoc with my mood. I do hope that things get better for you. It is hard and life is messy at times but keep pushing and you will get there in the end. Best wishes to you