I've lived almost all my life with depression. I would cry at night, telling myself I needed to disappear, that I was worthless and a nuisance to everyone around me. I've learned to handle it, allowign myself to cry, write in my journal, and sleep it off.
However, there are things in our lives we face that challenges us. I've graduated college a year ago; turned my internship into a part-time job; and then got a full-time job half a year later which I am currently at. I thought things were getting better.
However, my job is unfulfilling. I don't hate my job, but I feel like I am going through the day like a zombie, not fully awake. I learn on the job, which is great. But not when you boss tells you to Google everything and no one teaches you how the processes work around here. Every question I ask is thrown at me like I am garbage and stupid. Then I mess up and fingers point at me. I feel like I am the scape boat, and that's where my anxiety begins.
I do Google everything I need to learn at work. I've probably read over 100 articles in the past 6 months so I can keep up with best practices for my job. I've also watched a 4 hour Youtube video that teaches me how to do my job. But I feel like I am on the edge at work. I am worried about every little task I do. To some, this may seem a little over the top; even my logical mind tells me that. But my emotions tell me another, and it drives everything.
I feel like a hurricane inside. Depression makes me feel down and low, telling my I am worthless. While Anxiety is makes me my heart pace, quickly I am in panic.
This is my story.