debilitating anxiety

[Flower2748]

Hello. This is my first time writing here, and my first time opening up about this. I am a second semester freshman in college, and my anxiety is making me unable to do my schoolwork. My oldest brother got in a lot of trouble in high school and didnt go to college until around 4 years after. My second older brother went to a great school in a great program, but then failed out of the program, went on academic suspension, finally got back into the school and then ended up dropping out without telling anyone.

I feel like my entire college experience is under an immense amount of pressure. Not even pressure to be great, just pressure to get through school in 4 years with good grades. I go to a very academically challenging university, and last semester I did so poorly that if I don't get basically a 4.0 gpa this semester I will lose my scholarship and not be able to attend anymore. I didn't get bad grades because I was lazy, I'm motivated and I have wanted to succeed academicaly my whole life, but it is so hard for me, especially because I have ADHD. I got the bad grades because I physically and mentaly could not do my work. Why would I do something I am just going to fail at it? I know that i am smart and that I am capable to get great grades, but the worry that I will fail is not motivating me, it is inhibiting me. I feel paralyzed, like I am stuck in roundabout that won't slow down enough for me to get off.

My whole life has been based on what I observed from other people. I learned what to do and what not to do by watching my brothers try and fail. And my whole life I have told me self that I am going to do better than they did so that I don't cause my parents the same pain that they caused them. I saw my moms reaction to everything my brothers did, and I cant let her down the same way.

The pressure is not external, only internal. I know my parents will be there no matter what happens, but i'm worried that I won't be. If I fail out of school, I know that I will want to kill my self. I can't live my life as a failure.

I don't know how to handle this anymore. I felt the same way last semester and it got so bad during finals week that my mom almost drove to the school and she wanted me to take medical leave to get help. My anxiety about failure and the future is so overwhelming, it is the only thing I can focus on to where I have no energy left. The anxiety of failure is actually causing me to fail and i cant stop the cycle.

If anyone has any tips on how to overcome this fear enough for me to do my work and not fail, it would be much appreciated.

[Bluecatbooklover]

I struggled with this growing up. My brothers were always messing up and getting into trouble. Everything they did caused more rules for me and more pressure because I had to do better than they were doing. Everyone expected me to go through college and then get a great job and just do everything my brothers didn’t. I went to a junior college and for the first time in my entire life I failed a class. I failed two classes actually. I thought the world was going to end and my family was going to be so disappointed in me. But the world kept going and I graduated and I never went to a four year college like everyone expected. I didn’t get the nice job everyone wanted. I found different ways to disappoint my family and I genuinely thought I was the worst and I was such a failure and I was never going to be good enough. But I’m not a failure and my family still loves me and the world didn’t end. I was just drowning under the pressure of who everyone else was wanting me to be. If you’re not doing it for yourself and you’re just crushing yourself under everyone’s expectations you may do it but you won’t ever be happy doing it. You’ll be miserable and you’ll feel like you’re being forced to do something just to prove yourself. You have to be doing it just for you. Forget what everyone else thinks. They don’t get to live your life for you. It’s your life and you get to choose what you do. Other people’s expectations of you are their problem.

[Pitalife]

Hi I too suffer w severe anxiety especially in public I struggle w panic attacks as well.its a horrible things to feel like those who never experience it can't understand. I wish you best of luck..

[QuiltLady]

I'm sorry you are struggling right now. I think it's important that you do what you want to do with your life. It's nice that you want to please your family, but it's more important that you do what's right for you. A lot of people get good jobs without a college degree. If a person doesn't go to college or decides to drop out, it doesn't make them a failure. I went to college for about a year when I was 20 then decided to work and let my husband go to college. In my 40's I started working for a University where I got free tuition and took classes part time for 6 years while working full time. I finally got my degree at the age of 47 to become a teacher, but even if I hadn't done that, I still felt good about myself working jobs that didn't require a degree. Both of my children could have had free tuition when I worked at the University. They both took a few classes and dropped out. Was I disappointed? Maybe momentarily but I certainly wouldn't have wanted them to take their own lives because of it. Ultimately I want them to live their own lives and be happy doing what THEY want to do. They are working jobs that did not require a degree. Many people do. Don't be so hard on yourself....there is more to life than college. If it's something YOU want to do, ask your school if there are some tutors or counsellors and explain your situation, maybe they have someone who can help. Hang in there and be kind to yourself!

[TeaOwl]

You. Can. Do. This. I’m serious. Especially with an ADHD-prone brain! We ADHDers have the ability to hyperfocus unlike anyone else when we set our minds on the goal.

I am a mom to a college student currently. You are welcome to DM me if you need support

I did the same thing you’re talking about in my own first semester in college- it was BAD. The next semester I got an award for “most improved” grades in an organization I was a part of. What I did was to go back to the basics. Made my habits as close to what they were back home when I was getting good grades:

• Decide you’re going to be hardcore about your sleep.

•Eliminate or reduce time around people who are not lifting you up and encouraging you to be your best self.

•Spend time at the library in the quiet- the fewest distractions possible.

•Make a spreadsheet of all of your assignments from every course you are enrolled in. List all assignments from every class on the spreadsheet from now until the end of the semester and delete them as you go so you can see actual progress.

•maybe most important: go to office hours and ask questions of your professors. It’s hard, but so worth it. If they know your face and see your efforts, that’s worth something

Reward yourself as you meet goals, and just take one week at a time. You absolutely can do this. Especially if you’re on a scholarship- you’re obviously capable! A positive Instagram follow might be @ harlancohen. His advice is really great even though my own college kid thinks he can be annoying.

It’s brave that you reached out on here today. Message anytime

[TeaOwl]

One more thing, most college campuses offer counseling to students at the student health center. Maybe look into this if you’re up for it?