Hi there.
I posted the following on this forum some time ago and think it might be beneficial to post it again. To let people know that there is light at the end of the tunnel that anyone can recover from anxiety when they understand that trying to get rid of it, trying to make themselves think or feel differently is likely to be the reason they are not making progress and still suffering badly. This doesn’t apply to a few hardy individuals with great courage, it applies to anyone who feels as though they are going round in ever decreasing circles with no hope of recovery. Recovery will happen when you stop trying to do anything about it.
“When I unwittingly developed my anxiety disorder, I just wanted to relax. I craved relaxation and did all manner of things to try and achieve it and to stop feeling extreme discomfort all day, every day with no respite (except when I managed to sleep). I tried hypnotherapy, I tried meditation, I tried listening to soothing music, waves gently lapping the shores of a golden sun kissed sandy beach. I bought a bicycle and rode a stupid amount of miles every week. I swam huge distances. I was as fit as a butcher’s dog but none of these things provided prolonged periods of relaxation or peacefulness. By the next morning, my mind and body was wracked with anxiety. Back to square one. It was like Groundhog Day but far worse. No matter what I tried to do to get rid of the anxiety, it was back the next day. Relentless stuff. Depression followed.
Don’t get me wrong, exercise is a great for stress relief but having anxiety brings a whole new dimension to stress. It’s in another league. If only people could understand the emotional and physical pain we were feeling.
Sure, exercise tackles the symptoms of stress but does not address the root cause of that stress. For chronic anxiety sufferers, nerves that have been battered into submission need time to desensitise, to heal but that won’t happen if I fill my day trying to make this “thing” go away and stop dominating my life, I was stuck in a never ending fear-adrenalin-fear cycle. I was anxious and stressed about feeling anxious. I was scared of the feelings of fear. It just keeps producing more stress induced chemicals, inciting more fear. I would fight the thoughts and feelings to feel right, instead of allowing myself to feel the symptoms of anxiety and let myself come out of it naturally. That’s what people without inappropriate levels of anxiety do. They don’t do anything. The feelings just go away by themselves because their focus is on other things, probably the reason that drives that particular emotion and not dwelling upon how they feel. Anxiety sufferers are frightened to death about the feelings and try to force themselves to feel better. This is the same as pouring petrol on a fire and expecting the flames to be extinguished. Fat chance.
Getting to the crux of the matter, to no longer feel these feelings, the trick is to allow them to be there and not do anything to change the situation. This stops pouring fuel on that fire. Struggling to change your feelings or mental state is a fight you will never win and simply fans those flames. Try feeling happy when you are sad. Try feeling sad when you are happy. Try feeling full of energy when you are dog tired. See what I mean? You have little or no control over how you are feeling but anxiety sufferers are constantly trying to do this. Trying to control anxiety has the opposite effect. By giving up trying to control anxiety, you eventually regain control!
Allowing or accepting (it’s the same thing) is not a technique or some method. I mean, it is not something you try for a bit and then say, “Aaarghh, I’m still feeling very anxious and hate it. It’s not working!!” That is missing the point entirely.
It is about letting go, developing a relaxed attitude towards the symptoms and allowing yourselves to feel the way you are feeling at any time. Let yourselves fall into any state and do nothing to try and change it. It is not about your mind or emotions being calm, it is about you being calm towards the crappy thoughts the mind is spewing out and the grossly exaggerated emotions that turn pimples into Mt Everest. It’s about being ok about not feeling ok. It is the resistance to emotions that cause the majority of suffering, not the feelings themselves. Acceptance is made easier once the mystery of anxiety is understood and the symptoms completely harmless. Fear is the only thing keeping the cycle going. It’s a natural reaction that is designed to protect us in the face of danger. To fight, run away or freeze (playing dead). Anxiety sufferers have become afraid of the symptoms of fear.
To be free from inappropriate levels of anxiety you have to allow every aspect of it to be there and learning to observe instead of fighting, suppressing, avoiding etc. I stopped hiding from it, stopped trying to suppress it, stopped avoiding things or doing things to deliberately try and feel different. I still cycled and ploughed up and down the pool but didn’t do it with the expectation that it would free me from anxiety.
Recovery is not about managing or coping with anxiety. I never had to manage or cope with it before I developed the disorder so why now? And it wasn’t something I wanted to do for the rest of my life. To recover, you don’t need anything, no techniques, methods of coping or safety behaviours. You just need to be more accepting with anxiety being in your life and be open to it.
The only thing that I changed was my attitude. There is no magic medication to make it go away. Medication does not remove fear. It just masks the symptoms of fear which will still be there if you haven’t learnt how to cope and pass through fear the right way by facing and accepting.
I just stopped fighting with myself and trying to escape or change the way I felt. I just carried on living my life and doing things, regardless of how I felt. You see, for normality to return, you have to carry on doing normal things. Go to work, socialise, take that holiday and take the anxiety with you.
When freedom from anxiety came (it’s a gradual process, progress often going unnoticed and doesn’t happen over night), there was nothing left to manage or the need to keep doing things to find relief and that was always my target. Just like I was before anxiety and how things are now. Recovery is not exclusive to a few brave souls. Each and every one of you has what it takes to recover. You just need to know what to do to recover. Absolutely nothing.”
Wishing you all the very best for Christmas and 2021. Peace and love.
Beevee ❤️
Debilitating anxiety
