I need support

[-Sasha-]

Fear had never really been an obstacle for me.

Do I have fears? Yes! Have they ever consumed me? No! I was always one to face them head on, sometimes even being a little reckless.

Now though, I feel that, aside from guilt, fear is a constant emotion in my life. I have never felt more scared than I do now. I'm not even sure what the cause is, or if I just pick something new each day.

This weekend is going to be a test for me. A test of my strength to not fall back into the habits that brought me here in the first place. To do what's right... not just right, but HEALTHY for me and my boys.

I'm scared out of my mind that I'm going to fail. That all the hard work and progress I have made towards breaking those habits will end up being for nothing. That I'll end up right back in the prison I was in before. A part of me is still in there actually.

I need help!

Why is it so hard to say that? I was told that I never ask for it, share what I'm going through, or pretty much take the support offered to me. I'm trying to change.... No... I'm changing that! So here I am asking for support, for reassurance that I can do this, for prayers, good vibes, whatever it is that you can offer. Because right now my biggest fear is going back to that prison. If I go back, I don't think I'm ever getting out again.

~S~

[Kat63]

You are not alone. My anxiety has infected my entire life. I was a smart kid, so people had high hopes for me. I haven’t lived up to them.

[-Sasha- in reply to Kat63]

Potential! A favorite topic for my mom. She wanted me to be a lawyer... I've been a stay-at-home mom, with a failed attempt at an Associates degree. Disappointment is an understatement

[jkl5500]

You most definitely CAN do this! I don't want to sound repetitive, but this is something that you cannot defeat by yourself. So many, many people on this site are (understandably) so scared of what is happening to them, but they're just as scared to get the help they need to get better! A long time ago, I was too! I was terrified the first time I went to a psychiatrist. It didn't take long to realize that the doc was on my side, and I had nothing to fear. Please get started with treatment, if you haven't yet.

[-Sasha- in reply to jkl5500]

You're right! I'm glad I asked for help. Thank you for sharing and for your constant support. Your persistence regarding seeking professional help, is what I need and is deeply appreciated.