Prom is next week and I just cannot relax. I hoped that once I had everything ready and planned that I would be ok but no luck. I found a really great dress but it’s cut low in the front so I will feel exposed the entire night. And anyone with anxiety or really any mental illness knows that when something stimulates those feelings you want to feel covered.
I’m just going with friends and they want me to come to this “promenade” thing we have but I didn’t want to because that’s when all the parents and family are there. I could care less about my classmates because I’m not very popular and won’t talk to them. But I do know a bunch of their parents and I don’t want people saying “u look so beautiful!” Or making me take pictures. I wanted to take pictures and stuff at my house to avoid the crowd but my friends don’t want me to that.
When that’s over we have to go eat. IN PUBLIC I might add! I don’t want strangers looking at me in a fancy dress! My goal in life is to blend in and now I can’t do that! It was going to be me and one other friend who wasn’t wanting to eat anyways but our third friend who just joined us really wants to.
To top off all of my worry and anxiety I get to stress out about driving somewhere I’ve never driven before for after prom! If I don’t drive then I’m stuck up there until about 3 am! I’m going to be so overstimulated and socially exhausted.
I’m dreading it so much that I am getting physically annoyed at my friends for being excited. I think it’s just that I feel so alone in my feelings that I’m just mad at them for not joining me. At least if I had someone who would make fun of the whole stupid process then I could enjoy myself. But everyone’s so serious about it.
I’m sorry for this being such a pointless rant that I’ve done many times on here before but my mom is getting tired of me saying it so I needed another outlet. You don’t have to reply but if I do I do ask not to tell me to just “have fun” because obviously I won’t. I don’t mean that meanly and I know you mean well but I just don’t want to see that. But again you don’t have to reply, just knowing that someone possibly read it is enough for me. Thanks!