What to do with setbacks : Yesterday... - Anxiety and Depre...

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What to do with setbacks

Kevin160 profile image
8 Replies

Yesterday and today have been filled with anxiety , i had a very tough day, in a nutshell i always get all the terrible events either never happen or happen in one day

In addition i was litteraly driving all day which is stressful for me , i spent the whole day feeling palpitations , panic and fear ...ipeven thiugh i kept telling myself its fine and its harmless, it doesnt seem to make a difference, i was happy to see that there was an obvious cause this time like i know it will get better it akready feels a bit better, but i just dont feel like i can face life sometimes , for example im in my A levels now and i just worry from now about my exams and future and resutks day , i mean this is will determine my future, and the probkem is that regardless of what ever happens i know im fine , its just that today wasnt great and i let it get to me, i also got a headache and although im aware im fine its not easy ..

I mean im not sure if there is anything i should be doing , im accepting stress, im using ways to cope and feel ok like exercising , i walk daily , breathing techniques, meditation..i felt amazing these past 2 and a half weeks and i sort of forgot how anxiety felt so when i got it it was more overwhelming because it was very intense at first ..i also have many things this week , and i just keep thinking im so weak to handle the simple things like driving , going out , how can i handle someones death, university, and just life in general, it sounds silly to most but i was never like this before, not saying i was never stressed, but i always managed a way out, and im so proud of myself for how hard i worked where im actually feeling alot better..but what can you do amirite?

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Kevin160 profile image
Kevin160
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8 Replies
JAYnLA profile image
JAYnLA

Setbacks are alarming and carry the additional emotional component of disappointment and renewed fears... Dr. Claire Weekes talks about them in her audiobooks -- I strongly recommend them (the audiobooks, not the setbacks!) But apparently EVERYONE has setbacks. I sure have.

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943

Early days, Kev. Early days. Acceptance is a slow burner. Accept today, feel fine this Summer. No immediate benefits.

Are you 'utterly accepting' or just 'putting up with' as Claire Weekes used to say. Big difference.

Do you wake up in the morning and say to yourself 'I don't care if I feel the symptoms of anxiety or not today, either way I can cope'?

Naturally we all have setbacks, three steps forward, one step back. But that's the aim: 'I don't care if I etc etc."

I still think it's hard to take acceptance on board without reading the book.

Kevin160 profile image
Kevin160 in reply toJeff1943

Well, then maybe im doing it wrong , it worked the past few weeks , almost seeing that regardless what happens im fine , its not about acceptance its about seeing that my fears are irrational

Because i know myself and the reason i keep panicking is that i keep thinking im going to die from this , and sometimes it works to tell myself im fine and it's logical that it wont kill, and sometimes when its too intense its hard to convince myself that i wont die, and although i know it wont happen to me , i keep remembering flashbacks or memories of how i felt , it wasnt a life , it was terrible..and i just feel so bad and i fear. Those days soo much, panicking every moment i removed the blankets fromy bed thinking im going to have a heart attack because i wont be able to handle going out of the house or handle my own thoughts and body , so yes im not afraid of the symptoms im afraid of triggers, afraid of things that i know are untrue, but im afraid of them for different reasons. Just because they're in my head, not because i worry they will happen. Like everyday im proven wrong because i dont die, but i just know that these thoughts are always there and i can't escape these thoughts and my habit of overthinking and remembering these past months where just thinking about those severe panic attacks and being so alone and just hoping i wake up the next day , i just flinch and get these palpitations and headaches and i just see everyone around me being soo calm and happy and reckless and i worry about getting a sore throat, i habe never felt like experiencing an actual childhood , although it wasnt anxiety, fear and stress have always been there and i never know what's the actual cause there are so many

I dont try to bear it , i try ro accept it that even with the constant panic im fine , i will experience it and be ok , i dont mind experiencing it , but seeing that sometimes that would still cause panic , i feel discouraged and i just feel trapped sometimess..

Kevin160 profile image
Kevin160 in reply toJeff1943

I know how it looks, that i just do nothing except wish it would go away, but im really not , i have been doing alot , but sometimes i feel so pressured that it gets to me and i crack, start thinking im wasting my life , im a failure, that i will never be normal again and i will never be calm or handle life , if i don't die first that is .. and i know it irrational and will likely never happen but i just forgot how it felt like, this much pressure and panic over things that are so simple, everything requires thoughts and planning and calming myself and i want to be better but its sooo hard ... I just want to be normal for once ... rather than just pretend ..and i try to be positive but everytime stress comes back after i feel all this progress i just feel more and more demotivated and down , to a point where i dont enjoy life ..like i could be so much more happy

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943 in reply toKevin160

She died before you were born, Kev, but she wrote the book for you. It's all in there. You're not the only one, believe me. I know you're trying and have made progress.

Calm_mama profile image
Calm_mama

Hey Kevin!

I'm having a setback right now. Let's have our setbacks together! I have a very stressful situation with my younger daughter and I'm worried sick about her. I'm feeling - well- I'm not feeling dandy that's for sure. Palpitations, no appetite, headache, nausea, dizzy, trouble thinking clearly, black-white thinking, irritable, etc etc. My anxiety is going straight for the worst case scenarios. Come on anxiety, where is your optimism? 😆Oh that's right- that's not anxiety's job. That's the job for another part of my brain! So I'm just letting my anxiety buzz and flail and do its thing while I work on focusing on the positive/optimistic thoughts that are in there- just hard to hear because anxiety is drowning them out pretty well :)

BUT.... No big. It's just anxiety. My situation will work itself out one way or another. We'll find solutions, adapt, accept, whatever. The answers will be revealed :) And anxiety will - as always- settle down.

Listen, we got this 👍🏻We'll be fine :)

Oh, and Jeff is correct - it's very early days for you. You'll become a pro at this. It just takes practice...

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943 in reply toCalm_mama

Sorry you're having a setback about your daughter Calm_mama. I had plenty with mine and then with grandsons. As you know our anxiety is magnified tenfold compared to 'normal' people. You will deal with this. Your daughter will deal with it and if not she will take the consequences. Thus people learn. Resolution will come and then the next problem hopefully not so worrying as this one. Your daughter will come through this and so will you, just take it as it comes a day at a time, even an hour at a time.

But no use, no gain for anyone, in making yourself feel ill as you describe. You can't lead your daughter's life for her. Advise, persuade and cajole if need be.

A solution will present itself, just don't make yourself ill.

Calm_mama profile image
Calm_mama in reply toJeff1943

Thanks Jeff :)

Yes kids bring some high-level worries sometimes! I have no doubt that eventually we'll find our way to solutions and things will be OK :) As for me, my reaction to my own anxiety is just so different than before. Which is awesome. I could care less about how I feel. I know exactly what my nervous system is doing (just normal stuff), why (because it's a well-oiled machine, like a Porche, 10-fold, as you say!), why I feel so cruddy, (Porche- sized adrenaline can make you feel that way, but, no big) and that I'll feel better soon. You are correct- solutions will present themselves 👍🏻

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