Don’t know how to deal with anxiety over driving (and other stuff)

[Lost_in_life]

I have to deal with two anxiety “triggers” (or phobias?) in the immediate future: driving on the highway and leaving my cat for an extended period. I’m sheepish to explain the situation, but, basically it’s time for my family’s annual vacation. I KNOW. I’m lucky to get to take a vacation; BUT, I’ve become terrified of driving on the highway — even though I’ve never had any major accidents. I’m also scared that something is going to happen to my cat while I’m gone — even though I’ve got people looking in on her twice a day.

I’m not sure how to get over these fears. I know they’re ratcheted up because of my generalized anxiety… AND the fact that I no longer drive on a daily basis. I know that I should “expose” myself to the driving — although driving on the highway in my city involves a 50-50 chance of getting stuck in a massive traffic jam.

Does anyone have any advice?

[mvillarreal]

Is it just driving on the highway you're scared of or driving in general? If it's driving in general, it might be good to start with what's easy like going out for a short drive on a dirt road, then go to a not-so-busy street, then a moderately busy street, etc. until you are on the highway. If one of these becomes overwhelming after you've tried easier stuff, maybe go back to the last drive you tried and try to work it up again or, if it isn't too overwhelming, just try doing the drive you attempted again to see if it's not as hard the second time. If I'm not prying too much, what kind of things are you afraid might happen to your cat?

[Lost_in_life in reply to mvillarreal]

Well, I AM a little scared of driving in general, but mostly on the highway. What I'm most scared of is other drivers -- and they seem more reckless on the highways. Your idea of working up to the highway is good except that there really aren't any dirt roads around here. It's pretty much just the subdivision then the moderately busy street -- not much of a graduated progression.

As for my cat, I don't like leaving her alone period, but my biggest fear is that something will happen while I'm away that will cause her harm or kill her. I'm most worried that someone will break into our home and either hurt her or that she'll get out of the house and be harmed. I know for a fact that there are dangerous animals in or near our neighborhood -- coyotes for one. Our house has never been broken into but it would be ridiculously easy to do so... and my father refuses to make any preventive efforts in this regard.

[mvillarreal in reply to Lost_in_life]

Have you considered getting cognitive-behavioral or exposure therapy with a professional about the fear of driving? Also, do you have a burglar alarm? That might at least be a step to doing what you can control to prevent something happening to your cat. Maybe a professional could help you with that fear too? I know it might not help, since fears can sometimes be stronger than logic; however, if it's of any reassurance at all, burglaries are very rare, and my guess is that someone who breaks into a house wouldn't be looking for a cat, but I know...sometimes, the fear just feels so real.

[Lost_in_life in reply to mvillarreal]

Well, I am seeing a therapist... but I'm not making much progress. Like you say: fears can be stronger than logic sometimes. Also, I'm probably going to have to force myself to some "extreme" exposure therapy by making a short trip or two on the highway. (I did that last year before the vacation trip.) As for the situation with my cat, my biggest fear is that she'll get out (and harmed by other animals) if someone breaks in. I live at my father's house and he takes little precautions against burglary -- no alarms. I know burglaries are rare but I was the victim of one while I was living at another location. At this house there's only been one attempted burglary, that I know of. Still though it would be ridiculously easy for someone to break in here.

[mvillarreal in reply to Lost_in_life]

Wow. You were in a burglary before and then an attempted burglary at this new house? Where do you live? That's never happened to us here in Colorado.

[Lost_in_life in reply to mvillarreal]

Well, I'm of the opinion that crime can potentially happen anywhere... but I guess in some areas the chances are more likely. I live in the metro Atlanta area. The neighborhood where the actual burglary happened was somewhat "marginal": lots of homeless, kids being "punks," etc. I also found out after-the-fact that the building next to the one I lived in was a "half-way" house for drug addicts.

The attempted burglary was in a suburban area. The kid who tried to break in was a "neerdowell" student of my mother who knew she wasn't home. Fortunately, I WAS home (sick that day) and scared him off.

I'm not sure what the statistics are for crime in my area. Given that the house could be easily broken into and hasn't, despite being left vacant on many occasions, the chances of burglary are relatively low. Still, something could always happen.

[foxglove_pnw]

I have had really bad anxiety about driving !

I spent two years without driving because of it . Another time , I had anxiety driving over bridges and Another time , I had anxiety driving on highways!

I had to expose myself to my fear over and over again ! It was not easy but I did it . Many panic attacks while driving but I got over it !

Good luck !

[Lost_in_life in reply to foxglove_pnw]

Thanks. I'm phobic about heights, too, so I totally empathize with your anxiety about bridges. We have some REALLY high overpasses around here that scared me even before my current level of anxiety.

[foxglove_pnw in reply to Lost_in_life]

I am also scared of heights !

My son had some some health problems and his doctor was over the bridge so I had to face my fear head on !!! It was horrible ...I would have a panic attack every time I drove over the bridge but I did it for him .

[Hidden]

Yes, CBT would tell you to expose yourself to driving by maybe taking a drive just outside your comfort zone. Maybe to the highway and back. Stay as long as you feel you can..."I'll stay for three minutes and see how I feel." If you can stay beyond, great! Maybe one day you get on the highway with a friend who gets your phobia. On one entrance, off another. Maybe the next time you get on and try to make it to the second exit. I hate driving mainly on the account of other drivers, so I try to just focus on what's ahead of me. If I'm not feeling particularly great about the situation, I get to the "slow" lane and try to re-center there. If it isn't working out, I pull off or I reduce speed. The people behind you can honk, get pissed off, or do the logical thing which is to change lanes. Don't let them overwhelm you. Another thing that may help is entering that traffic jam, but enter where you can get in and out or off of it quickly. Slowly work yourself up to see...look....it's okay. Basically, if you can, with or without a driving buddy, maybe slowly expose yourself to the elements of the highway. I can't count how many people hate driving these days, so you probably are in a group of many who dislike the less than ideal situation.

The cat is harder to control. Does your cat have any issues that need constant monitoring? Perhaps for peace of mind it would help to board with a kennel. You could also get a WiFi type camera for their favorite area to check in. I'm sure someone may have invented a device that dispenses treats with a camera on it. Some even have voice capabilities where you could call it and have it near a feeding spot or whatever. If you spot something out of the norm, you could call a trusted neighbor. We leave our cats for our few day vacations with someone checking in daily....all is always good.

It's understandable how you feel, so don't feel sheepish. Try to enjoy that vacation and focus on the positives if you can. I'd spend time practicing exposure if you can. I know it won't be comfortable, but it might help your mind and anxiety to see that everything is okay. Just some suggestions, take care!

[SA192461 in reply to Hidden]

Great advice on the driving, I too have trouble driving long distances. I will try and practice your ideas. 👍🏻💕

[Jeff1943]

Do what you fear and the death of fear is assured.

So said Norman Vincent Peale, the American pholosopher. Never a truer word and it IS the only way to regain confidence. Maybe take a small tranquiliser the first couple of times and stick to less busy roads to begin with.