What do you do, when you're not you? - Anxiety and Depre...

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What do you do, when you're not you?

Redheaded-girl
Redheaded-girl

I have been dealing with more than what I can seem to handle lately. I posted yesterday, about what I have been dealing with and how it has made me feel. I just got my medicine switched by my family doctor last week and I am not sure if my body trying to adjust, is what might be heightening everything or not. I am terrified feeling this way, because there have been times where I am no longer afraid to not be around, where as when I was younger, I had fears of not being around. My boyfriend is in law enforcement and it scares me that I might push him away because he needs someone who is mentally strong and right now, I am not. The crap I have been going through, allows my mind, to easily play tricks and it almost convinces me that everyone around me, is lying. I don't believe my boyfriend when he says he does love me, I don't believe my parents when they say they are proud of me, etc. I just can't seem to get a grasp on my life lately and I am afraid everything is going to go downhill without even having a chance to get better. I need help....

12 Replies
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Hello darling know that your not the only one who thinks like this. I to think whenever people tell me things such as my current ex/bf (we are reconciling) I just ended the 6 year relationship (due to a manic episode) but also because I got fed up with a lot of crap but it wasn’t done in the right mind set so when he tells me he loves me and will be by my side regardless of my mental health condition my brains goes “ lie, lie , lie” as well as “who wants to deal with your hot mess”, “eventually he will be fed up with this shyt” and etc. I don’t call bs on my mother though because i know she does.

I am diagnosed bipolar, depression and anxiety. With my bipolar comes my OCD with the obsessive thinking and because of anxiety and depression it’s almost always negative. I constantly have to be reassured and even that at times isn’t enough.

I never had an suicidal thoughts but I been at the point where I just didn’t want to be around. Like can I just disappear with out any suffering or pain.

Anyways if your overwhelmed you need to just take a step back and at times just drop everything focus on you, if you need to spend a day doing nothing then do so and then start tackling things one at time, little by little and if again you start to get overwhelmed stop once again and collect yourself.

I hope this helps.

I recently just got my medicine switched, after being on it for two years. The new medicine is based on generalized anxiety disorder and massive depression disorder. I think a lot of things are really sensitive right now, because of my medicine being switched and my body trying to adjust. Everything has become a lot worse recently, because I found out my ex boyfriend who was my first everything and we dated for over 8 years and he was my high school sweetheart, is now engaged to the girl, that he basically left me for. I deal with a lot of trauma from what he did/said to me and I honestly think he kind of gave me a form of PTSD. The day he broke up with me, he told me that he loved me so I think I really associate literally everything in my life to what he did to me. I got emotionally scarred and it is really difficult for me to know I was so hurt and these people just move forward like they did nothing. My best friend of 19 years, is even my ex best friend because she started hanging out with them behind my back and she even posted their engagement. I wasn’t just hurt my the one person I trusted more than anything, but by both of them. He broke up with me two years ago, but it still feels like yesterday.

I read your post and understand what you are going through. I've been going through a period of depression at the same time that my wife, who is disabled, is dealing with the sudden loss of her Mom. At times I feel incapable of providing the support that she needs, which makes me feel guilty and hopeless. What I'm learning is that the negative thoughts that pervade my thinking (the rumination) are symptomatic of my depression and can be relieved with some work on my part - prayer, meditation, grounding techniques, more physical exercise, healthier eating habits, thought-stopping, etc. - all of which I need to practice and learn to use on a regular basis. It's a challenge, especially when I just don't feel well or up for it. I need to watch out for self-pity too, when I start thinking "why am I like this?" and allow myself to just avoid things I could be doing to improve mood. Depression is an illness, which I need to accept that I have and take some responsibility for my own recovery. You are right it can be terrifying, especially when just getting used to a new medication and all. I'm not sure if anything I've written is helpful, I just wanted you to know you are not alone and things can improve with some effort on our part. I also know what it's like to question whether we are worthy of love. We are ALL worthy of love.

I appreciate you being honest with me, about what you’re going through. I dislike so greatly that mental health is seen as this stigma, that we are not suppose to talk about or whatever. It is such an illness, that deserves attention and people deserve to know, that it is okay, to not be okay. I don’t understand why we always have to pretend, just for the sake of others. I just want to tell you, that you’re strong. It takes a really strong person to emotionally be there for somebody else even when you don’t feel like you can be that for yourself. I know that I try and pray every single night and I try to fill my head with good thoughts, it just isn’t always the easiest. I hope you know that I am praying for both you and your wife, her loss and hopefully a recovery filled with both love and acceptance, for what you’re dealing with.

Thank you, I greatly appreciate it and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers also!

Hidden
Hidden

Hi Redhead - guess you know that some drugs can make you suicidal. Prozac and others can do this. I would go back to your doctor as soon as possible, for another type of drug.

This may be listed as suicidal thinking as an adverse reaction to the drug.

You can look at your prescription leaflet but otherwise look the name of the drug up on

drugs.com for side effects. If you want a graph of side effects, and level of seriousness you can log onto yellow card scheme gov.uk, which has a drug profile analysis tab to direct you

to an A-Z compendium of drugs, without filling in personal details.

Redheaded-girl
Redheaded-girl in reply to Hidden

I do and part of me thinks that might be some of the issue. I was on my previous medication for a little over two years, so I think the sudden switch is making everything heightened. I have a follow up appointment with my family doctor next month and I’m trying to give this at least a little time to work. If I notice things getting worse or my thoughts becoming increasingly hard to deal with, I will make sure I call.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Redheaded-girl

Guess trying to be the perfect person to meet others aspirations is difficult.

If the drug has not helped you yet - then it might take longer for some drugs to work.

Some don't work for over three weeks - which can make you feel you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. May be you could ring your pharmacist and ask how long it takes for your drug to work and mention any other differences since switching medication. Hope you feel more settled soon.

I find something I can cling to and direct my full attention.

Very rigid sports regime or studies are what makes me redirect brain energy to something useful, and anything 'bad' simply drowns in the sea of focused structured knowledge.

Personally I love sports, weightlifting particularly, because you are naturally built to concentrate when doing lifting. Otherwise you can simply die.

But I have had great success with reading or learning some single subject I enjoy. It is a bit hard to start, since you are clueless where and what to do, but you can 1) attend some courses 2) if you're cheap, simply start reading some book about basics. It will take just few hours for the brain to stop and understand "ok, this is the thing we are doing now" and just few days before it starts restructuring your whole thinking to aid the studies. Setting deadlines will help you even more.

.

Remember - part of our brain that makes us feel bad is subconscious, and it just desperately tries to aid conscious in it's endeavors. The more consciousness is busy with something, the more subconsciousness will try to redirect all its processing energy to help you. So be smart and do something pleasant and positive with consciousness - the rest will follow. Know the old "fake it till you make it"?

It firstly concerns not material success, often associated with the saying, but tricking your body and mind to change into an achiever mode.

I know how it feels - people close to me say they love me, are proud of me, etc., but it’s hard for me to believe them when I feel so bad about myself.

Redheaded-girl
Redheaded-girl in reply to Kat63

It is very difficult. It is crazy that it is so hard to be kind to ourselves, but yet so easy to be our biggest enemy. It isn’t easy when you’re actually diagnosed with generalized anxiety and severe depression, because you’re fighting so much harder, just to have a good day. I don’t know you, but I can tell you, that you’re strong, just by joining this site. I use to think I was so weak for taking medicine, until I realized a majority of people do. I struggle with feeling the weakness because of my mind, but I guess those who actually seek help, are the strong ones.

Hello Redheaded-girl, I came across an Audio book called " The Art of Communicating" on YouTube. It suggested a simple technique to apply when we start to feel out of sorts or not like ourselves. It was simply stop whatever you're doing! And breathe in & out, saying:

I'm breathing in - I'm breathing out - so, that your mind is not thinking anything other than that...If your mind begins to wander. Think, Say, and do - I'm breathing in.....I'm breathing out. Feel your chest & ribs expand. Your body is attuning its self to your breathing- You should recognize and feel a difference after 3 rounds of breathing, but continue until you feel in sync with your body. Works wonders....Just have to remember to make it consistent practice using it as a tool.

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