Feel like I am losing my mind

[Capricorngoat92]

Hi, I am new here and I just feel like I am going crazy. I wish I could afford a therapist, but I don't have the resources to do that right now which is why I am on here.

I feel so lost and trapped in my head. I've never been a social person, but it seemed like my social skills were improving when I was in college. In college, you have no choice but to socialize when you are more than likely going to have a roommate freshmen year. But even then I was still very reticent in comparison to most people I went to school with, but I was definitely more social than I am now or in high school.

I only have one friend left who happens to be my roommate and I feel like our relationship is becoming more and more strained because of my depression and becoming more and more reclusive. I have kind of let my mood swings bring my roommate down as well and it's not fair to my roommate.

They are naturally more social than I am and they actually haven't been able to socialize as much because of worrying about me and if I may harm myself.

I feel like shit for what I have become. I feel like a really f-ed up person and I feel so self-absorbed and selfish because I don't talk to my family as much as I should and I don't allow my best friend to have their own life because I feel like they're all I have left and when they're gone or have others in their life, I will be truly alone. I know that's really selfish and f-ed up and I hate myself for it.

I know I need to get out and try to get out of my own head and do more things with other people, but it's so freaking hard when all I can think about is how much I am going to say the wrong thing or do something foolish like tripping over something or stuttering or whatever else.

I am so afraid of being rejected and looking like a fool because I feel like one everyday. I feel like I am nothing most days so why would anyone be interested in what I have to say anyways.

Okay rant over, but this is just my thoughts in a nutshell.

[AnIslandOfPeace]

Hmmm. Sounds familiar. My roommate is my best friend and truly, our relationship got strained by my mood swings. I got mad because at some point, it felt like she stopped caring. People told me that I shouldn't get mad because she got her own life to live, she got her own problems. Lol. She also told me that. See, from what I've read, you are not selfish. As a matter of fact, feeling bad about the whole thing with your friend actually makes you a better person. Things will work out some way, some how. And yeah, you should do more stuffs, if not for your self, do it for your friend, they sound like a great person.

[Capricorngoat92 in reply to AnIslandOfPeace]

Thanks. It's nice to know I am not alone and that you are going through the same. And sometimes I do feel like they don't care but I know that's not true. They just want me to get out more and do things on my own and I know I need to start and I am slowly but surely trying but it's extremely hard when this way of being is all I know.

[AnIslandOfPeace in reply to Capricorngoat92]

You'll be fine.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Welcome to the community. You are not alone with your feelings. Many of us can identify and you’ll get a lot of support here. Keep posting.

[Capricorngoat92 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Thanks. That means a lot. It feels good to be among people who can relate totally with what I am going through.

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Capricorngoat92]

I understand. Glad you’re here.

[pink318]

Hello,

Welcome to the group! I’m very sorry you are going through a tough time.

You can try to call your state for medical benefits. You can also call this number [phone], you can receive a free consultation and some resources, or log in to this website, bit.ly/2ZxSkHY.

I hope you can get the help you need to stay well.

I have a sister who is diagnosed with depression, she is an introvert so it’s a little bit difficult for her to socialize. But we encourage her to have a support group that she can meet in person. She has dogs which she loves and I can see that it helps her to be happy. She volunteers in our community twice a week and it helps her not to feel alone and less lonely. I pray for God’s peace be upon you and you can get the support you need. Stay strong, we are here for you. God bless.

[Headspace2014]

Welcome. I'm pretty new here, too and it has already helped me a lot.

When my panic attacks started 5 years ago, other than the new, scary physical symptoms that I didn't recognize as panic, the first thing I said to my doctor was, "All of a sudden, I feel like a complete fraud."

That's what I'm getting out of what you wrote. If it's true, it's normal for people like us. Also, good news, it does pass.