Overwhelmed and sad

[Panic247]

I finally got into my primary care doctor last Wednesday and he took one look at me and told me I needed to go to the hospital. Psychiatric hospital. I got scared out of my mind for 3 I feel are legitimate reasons. 1. I have no health insurance 2. I have been misdiagnosed so many times in the past and just had drugs thrown at me. 3. They had all been horrible experiences, including as a teenager being groped by another patient and then my therapist there telling me “you must’ve done something to make him think you wanted it” I shit you not. I digress..I stayed a week this time before they released me and I have a psychiatrist appt next Wednesday. I have no idea how much it’s going to cost on top of therapy and meds as well. I do know I’ll be getting a $9k bill for my hospital stay and I feel so bad. They diagnosed me this time with panic disorder with agoraphobia and severe panic attacks as well as depression. I’ve barely worked the past 3 weeks and these bills are making my anxiety worse. I’m getting so mad that I can’t just be normal and stop exhausting everyone around me. I feel like a worthless sack of crap and I hate myself. I just don’t get it. My life isn’t bad. I don’t feel like I have the right to have anxiety. It makes me feel weak and makes me want to run away. I feel like this isn’t getting better and my husband doesn’t deserve this. I can’t take much more of this...

[pink83737]

Sounds like you need a break! Maybe go to your doctor or therapist and get a note for work so you can have a couple days off to pull yourself out of this funk. It’s not fun but I’m sure you could use a couple days of doing relaxing things for yourself such as lots of self care and getting whatever else you need to get done, a little bit at a time so it’s not all coming at you at once, you will be okay! Have hope and hang in there.

[Panic247 in reply to pink83737]

Fortunately or unfortunately, however you choose to look at it, I’m self employed. Which is good I don’t need a dr note, but also if I don’t work, I make no money. To be honest I’ve only worked maybe 3 times in the past 3 weeks. I know I need a break, but I’m to the point where I’m scared to spend any money because I have next to nothing. I know my husband will take care of me, but that makes me feel terrible and he’s going through some medical issues himself. I did get some good news though. I qualified for 6-10 free psychiatry and/or therapy visits at a clinic here which is a weight off my shoulders. So there is a silver lining. Thank you for the positivity and replying to my post. This is the easiest way for me to talk about everything.

[kvolm2016]

I am really sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. Everything you say is certainly valid but I would also ask you to consider that our mental health issues are no different than our physical health issues. You mention that your husband is going through some medical issues himself and you probably don't think badly about him. I hope you can find some kindness toward yourself in this. Even just based on what you have written, it seems to me that you have proved that you are not weak by overcoming this previously, by being in a marriage, by working and probably countless other ways that you don't give yourself credit for.

[kvolm2016]

just thought I would check back to see how you are doing?