It’s long but if you’ve got time please read.

[jtrot]

Hey everyone,

I’ve been struggling with extreme anxiety which then lead into a depressive episode. It started because of school stress and I was starting to have problems remembering things and I just felt anxious and awkward all of the time even with my friends and family. I’ve always never liked school and going there everyday and I’ve always stayed home multiple days out of the year and played sick even when I was wasn’t because I just didn’t want to deal with it. My attendance has always been on the bad side but with that I’ve always keep pretty good grades. I finished last semester with a 3.8 GPA but this semester I’ve been feeling so much stress and anxiety it was mostly because of two classes in which I dropped recently. And around 3 weeks ago I had feelings of just wanting to cry at first it was like a stress release and I felt good after doing it and also when talking with my mom or anyone it was the only thing I did do. So I talked to her and we made an agreement to schedule therapy for the next week but when I woke up on a Monday morning I just couldn’t get myself to go to school so I freaked out and called my mom and told her what I was feeling which was I couldn’t do it and what now looking back was a mental breakdown. So she scheduled an assessment that day and I went in to see a counselor which then made an appointment with a therapist but it wasn’t gong to be for another week and I needed help. At this point I was just broken down (in which I have been in this state ever since but I’m just done crying at everything now) So my family and I decided maybe I just needed a break and a change of scenery so I went down to my grandmas house who lives on a beautiful lake which is about 4-5 hours away from my house. But that break didn’t help the way I thought it would instead I just found myself constantly worrying about what I was going to do when I got home and what I was going to say to my teachers and my friends. So after spending 5 days down there in which (I didn’t even make it the full 6 days I was supposed to spend down there) I came back home just feeling the same way if not worse. My mom took off work this whole time too and I felt awful about that but my appointment wasn’t until wednesday and I came back on Monday so I stayed home tuesday and went to my appointment on wednesday But after all of this I still felt the same way. And then came thursday time to go back to school I went to school but I was very nervous and anxious and just on edge so I went to the counselors office and I talked with her and decided to just do my work there or what i could do (because it feels impossible to focus or concentrate on anything and also along with my memory problems which I have result come from my stress and anxiety but I’m still having them and it takes all my power and energy to even think of anything) but back to the point I stayed in the counselors office all day and then the next day thank god it was Friday. I spent the weekend still feeling the same way but feeling guilty and ashamed if i just lied in bed all day (which is most definitely what I wanted to do) but I couldn’t due to the constant worrying because i’m worrying about not doing anything) ik complicated but i’m sure some of you can relate. but now came Monday, I didn’t want to go to school at all so I didn’t I lied in bed until about 10:30 and got up in the shower only because my mom texted me and asked if I had gotten up yet which the answer was no so i thought it’s the least i can do. I did have my first group therapy session thought which was good. Although, i am not suicidal and i don’t have any interest in self harm so it somewhat hard to relate to that but I still did relate to having the same emotional feelings like anxiety and depression. Today which is now Tuesday started off the same way i’ve been feeling just as soon as my alarm went off an immediate senses of worry and fear and doom rushed through my body because I told myself I had to go to school and also everyone else was counting on me going to school. I made it almost a class in before going down to the guidance office and everything that was once fine was now so hard to going back to being fine. I can’t even make eye contact with anyone and I don’t even know how to walk in the hallway without cutting someone off or without getting a shot of just pure anxiousness. I have gotten an agreement that I can just go to school on A days (We have different classes on A and B days) because i only feel comfortable at home in my room in my bed. And I still dread the fact that I still have to go on one day because my counselor is the only teacher that understands my situation and I don’t feel like explaining it to 5 other teachers. And also being around anyone right now just feels so overwhelming. Feel free to reply anything if you even were able to read it all. Thanks

[purl1]

Hi Jtrot, I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. anxiety is so hard to deal with. for me I'm trying to deal with it through therepy and medication. I start a day program on Friday which I'm trying not to have a panic attack over. I hope and pray it gets easier for you. They do say it gets better eventually.

[jtrot]

Thanks for taking the time to read. I hope all goes well with your program on Friday. I’m praying for you as well.

[Eowyn7]

I'm sorry this sounds like a very difficult situation. I'm assuming you are in high school?

It sounds like it is severe enough to definitely warrant medication. Have you met with your doctor or a psychiatrist?

[jtrot in reply to Eowyn7]

Yes, I’m in high school and I have an appointment on Thursday with a psychiatrist.

[pink83737]

Wow I read all of this and this reminded me of when I was in school, I was just like you! It gets better I promise ♥️ you need to help yourself too! Lots of self care helped me after school I would do plenty of things for myself like face masks, take bubble baths, doing mindfulness things like that is good for the brain and doing crossword puzzles just simple things to get your mind off of school! Your mental health is more important than anything! Maybe see a therapist and see if she can give write you a pass or something where you can take breaks from class and go to your counselor! That’s what my therapist did we had worked out a plan!

[jtrot in reply to pink83737]

Wow it’s good to know I’m not the only one so thank you! I thought about that but with my agreement with going just one day I have to “go and get through” all of my classes because I’m only going one day. Even though I feel like I can’t make it through all of my classes.

[writingforjoy]

I understand the struggle. I have been there in a season where even getting up felt impossible. I know it is cliche, but rising above it and doing it anyway while you wait for healing does have an impact. Otherwise, you get in a cycle of not doing and that damages all the hard work you have put in already. Perhaps it would help to start looking at your whole day in small segments rather than the large overwhelming.

It does sound like medication may be a possibility and know that there is hope. Hold on to the fact that your doctor will have an impact for you when you get to see them. If you are so overwhelmed you absolutely can not wait, possibly as if you can go to an emergency room or family physician to get the ball rolling.

For my anxiety, I have started my prayer, word and worship music early in my day.

I do tapping to help me center and I focus on the positive by declaring the truth that I am strong and I can do. All these things have helped me tremendously.

Here is a link that has some resources you may find helpful bit.ly/2hwXnqH.

I pray that you have a new incredible peace and a new passion that rises above any anxiety or fear or depression.

[jtrot in reply to writingforjoy]

Wow, thank you so much. I’m gonna take a look at that link.

[Hidden]

I do what writing for joy does and keep my brain busy. What helps me the most is listening to books on tape. I love to get into the stories and take my mind into them. I also meditate and try to live in the moment which helps me get into the anxiety so I’m not so afraid of it. You can find books on this too. Pema Chodron, a Buddhist monk, wrote one on dealing with anxiety that is wonderful. It will get better -