Alone

[Orangeblossom85]

I just realized that loneliness starts not with number of people around us... it’s true that we can be in a place full of people and still feel very lonely.

My cell phone is buzzing all day long with messages and I’m with my mother and father. They love visitors so pretty much all the time there is someone over. But: I’m deadly lonely.

I’m actually ALONE with my problems and my pains. It’s either that I do not trust people to share my struggle with or when I’m at my highest with courage they do not understand me or don’t even give a damn.

It’s been almost a year on this forum and whenever I would have any concern I would most openly share it here. Wishing for feedback, advices, empathy... any sort of company or help.

Sometime ago I realized that I also withdraw myself from here. It’s either my depression growing or just strong feeling that my negativity keeps people away.

So here I am - my struggle keeps growing at a faster pace and so my loneliness with it. My friend at high school would alway repeat a quote - at the end we are all alone - and anytime she would say it I would get goosebumps all over my body. I felt alone by that time and I guess I’m even more alone today.

[kenster1]

you can kick and scream at all of us but you will never chase people away from trying to help you.i was at an assessment yesterday my mrs came and its the first time I said I feel alone even with two kids and my mrs.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to kenster1]

It’s been three years that I constantly wishing to die. The only reason I haven’t done it is this fear that I will hurt other people. Such an absurd talking into account that living hurts me. I’m a wreck and I’m locked up in my body pretending in front of everybody... I’m not well at all and I have no idea how can I fix this.

[Hidden in reply to Orangeblossom85]

Do your parents know or might have some idea about what you go through

[Hidden]

Talk to us, we might not be with you physically but we're still here

[Starrlight]

I like how well you explain yourself. I’m sorry you get feeling lonely. I know a similar feeling like right now I feel insecure and with doubt over something that I put my mind and heart into and I just feel misunderstood and overlooked by people sometimes. But it’s not them, it’s me. I don’t know how I’ll fixbit but I trust some days that I will. I wish I could tell you how to fix things and end the pain. You will get through it. Stay strong and by going through this you will become even stronger.