Alone Again, Naturally

[dancerdame]

Unfortunately, I drank the poisonous Koolaid of my youth believing that what was most important in life was becoming a self-sufficient "career woman" moving to the beat of my own drum. However, 15 years ago my mother succumbed to dementia that lasted for10 years beginning in my 50s. Suddenly, I asked myself for the first time who will take care of me or at least check up on me occasionally when I enter my elderly years (75 and older) since I've never married and do not have any children nor, any nieces or nephews in the area.

Due to relocating several hours away from my NY hometown at 40, a career move, I don't have close friends like the ones I've known nearly all my life. They too, have relocated to other states that are not close enough to make quick trips. I never met the "one" guy I could see myself marrying and now I am all alone. If I could have predicted my future back then, I would have had a child even though I would have preferred to be married. Now that I am retired, I become so filled with anxiety of living alone and spending most of my time alone except for regular workouts at my gym where I also get to socialize a bit. I make myself get out of the house otherwise I am reminded daily of the loneliness and isolation I feel. It is unbearable. I've tried dating apps and I've never seen so much rudeness and ghosting in my life. Worst of all, I dread doctor visits where I must list an emergency number if something should happen to me. This is pathetic. I keep looking for opportunities to make real friendships that go beyond joining groups with few people that one can truly bond with.

So lonely and blue.

[Excludite]

You are not alone. I have no one. No friends. Sisters have families in different states. I’m 46 and most likely will die alone because of my health issues. Never married is better than two divorces that ruin you financially, socially and professionally. Try finding “meet up” groups instead of dating apps. Maybe join some classes if you’re looking for a new hobby. I understand having a partner is different, but who knows. Maybe you’ll meet someone by chance.

[dancerdame in reply to Excludite]

Thank you so much for reaching out with words of encouragement. Yes, I've been involved in a couple of Meetup groups. 46 is still young. I hope that your health issues can be overcome. Stay in touch with your sisters and consider putting a camera in your home in the event something happens and they can call for assistance. Thank you, again.

[Dolphin14]

dancerdame

Have you considered joining your local senior center? Doing some volunteer work?

Friendships don't have to be lifelong to be supportive.

As a newly retired person I imagine shifting gears leads to all the " if only" statements. Try and make this an exciting chapter in your life

I wish you the best

🐬

[dancerdame in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you for your kind encouragement. Although I recently turned 69, I am a young looking woman in great shape. I visited the local senior center and I simply did not see the participants as my kind of group. I am returning to weekly partner dancing at a nearby venue where I have fun and can socialize with others.

I'm hanging in there.

All the best to you.

[blackcat64013]

Hi,I am in the same singles boat.

Us singles especially need to stay active for our body and 🧠 brain health.

For my peace of mind, for my birthday, I have asked for & am going to get a monitor that is worn on my wrist. If I have a slip, trip or fall and need help, an ambulance is called. This gets me covered when I am out in my yard or out and about too.

I have just jumped at the chance to volunteer with my local charity group.

In a few weeks I am going on holidays to pursue my love of veterans sport (hockey and athletics) all over the country. My friend just won gold in the 85-90 year olds athletics competition. Me, I am happy just to turn up.

If you love to travel, you might like to join a travel club or start one of your own😉

I hope and🙏 you can something to pique your interest. 🐈‍⬛

[dancerdame in reply to blackcat64013]

Good ideas. Thank you.

[GoddessKD]

i am sorry its so hard. I have been dealing with severe chronic illness 33 years; severe the last 13.

I have learned to create sacred solitude for myself & when it goes too long the isolation feels awful. I find joy in simple things, do what i love that i can & my soul mate kitty Jasmine Lalita is such a constant source of love, connection & joy!!! She saves me every day. I have been a cat person all my life.

I also feel connection with the earth & nature & the All That Is (however you name it).

Its both joyful at times and really frigging hard at times.

Im transitioning out of a 7 year relationship with who was also my best friend that I shared everything with. Im hoping we can be friends after some time apart.

Im experiencing some intense anxiety & feeling rather unmoored & alone in the world too in the recent years. A marriage or partner is no guarantee of connection & support; im learning that again..

I have a couple friends & my energy is so low its very hard to stay connected.

You are not alone! I understand how you feel & this understanding is a thread of connection. 💗

Thank Goddess for the internet!!! Im exploring new ways to connect online. We are alone and not alone together 😊

May I open to the life unfolding within & around me and co-create as much of what i need & want as possible.

Love & blessings 💖

[dancerdame in reply to GoddessKD]

May the universe surround you in light, love, and blessings.

Thank you!

[metalminded]

Though I don't know your living situation or what you'd prefer but have you thought about moving to a senior community where you wouldn't be alone, beyond living alone, but in a community where you can make friends with others in your situation and knowing they will be looking out for you.

[dancerdame]

Funny you mention relocating to a senior community. I actually visited a few and found the cost prohibitive. On another visit, I went to a mid-rise condo building and as I walked toward the vacant unit I could smell urine from elderly people aging at home. I'm not ready for that. I live in a development of all ages and I like that much better. However, I need to put forth the effort of inviting the vibrant women my age over for a get together because I suspect they are in the same boat as me.

Thank you so much!