I want to give up

[Shutterbug65]

I keep waiting for things to get better. I’m so alone and have no friends. Everyone who was once apart of my life I’ve pushed away. Every weekend I spend alone. I have depression, anxiety, insomnia and I just can’t tske it anymore. I’ve been given some great advice on this forum but I haven’t followed up on it. I’m not good at doing self help. I just keep waiting for someone to come and lead the way. And I don’t do anything to help myself. I’m so afraid right now. Depression, anxiety, insomnia are robbing me of my life. I don’t know what to do. Does anyone else go through this?

[Runningfargal]

Hey there, I understand where you are coming from, I’ve been there and sometimes I fall back into it again. But it can get better, I know you probably don’t believe it, I never did when people told me that, but it can. You don’t have to necessarily embrace it right now, just hear it. That’s a start. I’ve lost friends, many to my depression, because I stopped communicating with them and they just fell away, not even knowing why. It’s very hard to reach out, I know, but you need to get help from someone. You can’t always do this on your own, especially when the depression and anxiety are so controlling. Seek out a therapist if you can, they are there to help you and they want to, without judgement. And stay on here, keep coming back and reading posts, maybe answer a few. It helps, you know your not alone and there are people out there that are struggling just like you. You are cared about and worthy of kindness and love. Seek out help, you deserve it, even if you don’t feel like you do.

Hugs!

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Runningfargal]

Thank you. I really do feel like I’m alone. I don’t know if I’m worthy of being loved. My girlfriend passed away nine years ago and I have not moved on. My god I can’t believe it’s been nine years. I’m such a different person now, my life was so different then, I was so much happier. You know that feeling that you feel important to someone, you feel loved? Well it’s been a long time since I felt that way. I just want to give up. I’m tired of living this life, tired of pushing on, tired of being alone, tired of my worsening anxiety. And it feels like it will only get worse.

[Runningfargal in reply to Shutterbug65]

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to put myself in your place there. Feeling loved and important, I used to, maybe a little. My husband is kind, but we really do not have the emotional connection that makes you feel truly loved and I gave up feeling important to him years ago, so that loss, I understand. It hurts. A lot. But you have to know you are worthy of love, everyone is. It’s hard for us with mental illnesses to believe, and I don’t pretend to say I think I am worthy all the time either, but we are. You are. Have you sought help, for the anxiety, your loss? I urge you to try. I struggled for years to reach out and I finally did. It has to been easy and at times it’s been a nightmare and I wanted to quit but the support I have from my therapist keeps me going. Please think about it. If you can find a good therapist, I promise you won’t regret it.

Hugs!

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Runningfargal]

The problem is the cost. My co pay for a therapist is $50.00 and to spend that every week or ten days is to much. I see a phychiatrist every month or so for meds but that’s it. I wish I had an alternative I don’t know where to turn. I have Obamacare so it’s not that good. I’m sorry about your relationship with your husband I know it must hurt you. I had that love so many years ago, the feeling that I made her happy just by being with her is indescribable, we shared a love that can’t be replaced. I miss holding her, I miss her telling me everything will be okay. It happens once in a life time. Now I simply exist. And I don’t want that. I’m tired of pushing myself. Im absolutely alone and I blame myself for that.

Thank you so much for caring. Please try and find your happiness. D

[Hidden]

I am sorry about your situation and can only pray that things go better. Just to tell you, you are not alone. I also do have money issues. I go to government hospital, can't afford the private psychetrist even. While I am writing this, I am in strange situation, pushing myself to write it all and feeling lazy and un caring at the same time. I want I think and it's written. I feel like I am not doing it willingly. Anyhow, that was just to tell you and encourage. As of now, I started taking antidepressants from 2 days in night so that I can have sleep. Feeling somewhat better but not relaxed and more lazy but less or almost not worried, I am planning a routine for being busy all time and use this mindfullness after medicine cycle. I want to make exercise integral part of routine. Pray is already. I hope this could help somewhat.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Hidden]

I know how you feel. Thank you for replying so long ago. I hope things are better in your life.