Caroline Ezrah again

[Ezrah]

Hello!

I think this would be my second post here, my anxiety and the panic attacks have returned in an exaggerated way, (as the doctors say my accident has exacerbated a lot in them), after suffering the accident I began to lose hearing bilaterally , it means that I suffer from severe hearing loss, that increases it too much, of all that chronic pain has derived in my right ear, we already tried morphine, carbamezapine, and now I am currently in methadone, yes, sweet party, also my therapists should give therapy to posttraumatic disorder, my life is going free fall and I can not climb, I'm going to a terrible place, I've seen three people go there and never come back, that's why they treat me with clonazepam, hydroxyzine, venlafaxine, propranolol, too I leave the flouxetina, I always go to the therapies but I feel that I advance three steps and I retreated thirty, seriously the same thing happens to other people, or is it just me?

[Hidden]

What was your trauma, if you can say. Maybe we can relate and help.

[Ezrah in reply to Hidden]

I had an accident practicing scuba diving, I had a panic attack, in April of last year, and they have to perform 4 more operations, and the process is very slow, since my recovery has been difficult, and I had two years of leaving my therapists, now I had to go back again (but with two different ones), but I think two traumas have joined, one from eight years ago and the one from last year and the nights are getting worse.

[Hidden in reply to Ezrah]

Oh, I'm sorry. That sounds so scary for you. Thank you for sharing. So glad you made it and I bet you will get stronger every year. I had a bad car wreck with the car on fire and me stuck inside. I had driving anxiety before so it was real bad. It's been three years and I have grown a lot from that experience. That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right?

[Ezrah in reply to Hidden]

It's not hard to talk about the accident, the hard part is not having flashbacks and feeling like I'm suffocating, I never go out on the surface, I can not walk on the street with so many people because I panic (my psychologist says it's panic with agoraphobia) , can not a person try to talk to me because I really get anxious, I can not sleep more than three hours, because I have some anxiety or panic attack at dawn, so I sleep between three and four hours a day, I still can not go to the sea ​​again, or pool, of all the worst is chronic pain, my Palliative Care Doctor gives me methadone, until again try to help with my nerves, the medications cause allergies in my body, and I am very anxious not to go away, I'm not living, I'm surviving, then joins with my previous accident, that's more difficult for me to talk about, because I lost someone important to me, so I do not drive anymore, I've not done it for 8 years, I feel that every day I die a little more, and I hate myself for being as I am at this moment, I was not like that, everything has gotten worse.

[Hidden in reply to Ezrah]

I'm sorry. Has it been like that since the accident? I was afraid to drive for a few years and still don't go on the highway. I wasn't there for my dad's last few years because I would not drive one hour there. I haven't seen my elderly mother since then either. It's very hard. Have you tried meds for ptsd or counseling? I did therapy but decided it didn't help me. I didn't take the meds because I was afraid of more weight gain. Don't know how to fix it. I wish I did. I will pray for you as I do every night for peace. I hope it gets better in time. We are here for you.

[Ezrah in reply to Hidden]

With my father I have five years of not talking about the accident eight years ago, we both lost and it still hurts, I think.

I started with Fluoxetine, then I was given Venlafaxine, accompanied by Clonazepam, Hydroxyzine, and of course Propranolol, apart from Methadone, Ibuprofen, and Cinarizine, for eight months.

Thank you for saying you're going to pray for me, I think you're one of the few people who say it.

[Ezrah in reply to Hidden]

I'm sorry about the accident, it sounds too bad, I do not know how to be strong over time, but it's incredible that you do it.

[Hidden in reply to Ezrah]

I am no different than anyone else. I came to terms with death and alot of my anxiety about that went away. We can't control when we die. Just pray and God will take care of you.

[Ezrah in reply to Hidden]

La muerte me acompaña todos los días de mi vida, no sé cuándo sucederá, pero sé qué sucederá, no hoy, quizás no mañana, pero en algún momento, no sabía si escribir a esta comunidad o no. si alguien puede entender lo que me sucede, o estoy demasiado loco, pero al ver que no soy el único, solo me diste un respiro, literalmente estoy llorando de sol. Me acabas de decir, mi corazón late con fuerza. y siento miedo en todo lo que he dicho, mi esperanza es en algún momento comenzar a caminar nuevamente.

[Hidden in reply to Ezrah]

I don't speak Spanish. I will try to translate.

[Ezrah in reply to Hidden]

OMG... Sorry,

I did not realize I had written it in Spanish, I felt ashamed for it ...

what I said was:

Death accompanies me every day of my life, I do not know when it will happen, but I know what will happen, not today, maybe not tomorrow, but at some point, I did not know whether to write to this community or not, if someone can understand what it happens to me, or I'm too crazy, but seeing that I'm not the only one, just gave me a break, I'm literally crying with lon you just told me, my heart beats hard and I feel fear in everything I've said , my hope is at some point to start walking again.

[Hidden in reply to Ezrah]

We can relate. You are not alone. Once you come to terms with your own death with God you can proceed. You're right, it can be any day and we know that more than some. Live life like it's your last day and there will be no regrets. You can do it one small step at a time. No more time to waste. Please live now. It's all we have.

[Ezrah in reply to Hidden]

I would appreciate that, usually my family does not understand this, and thinks that with affection and affection, it can be removed, they do not understand that it is a disease like any other, and he is right, I am not living, I am surviving and I do not like it, It hurts and hurts a lot.

What about the small steps I do not know how to do them, seriously, my therapists look for other ways to help, due to my condition.

[Hidden in reply to Ezrah]

Small steps might be different for you but first you started by reaching out, maybe sharing with loved ones too, getting out of the house a bit, making new friends. You have to decide the steps but a little progress every few weeks is good. You have to do things differently to get a different result. Take your time, continue therapy and making progress. Just being here sharing is huge. I'm proud of you. You will get there. Just don't give up. Your spirit is strong. I can feel it. 😊

[Hidden in reply to Ezrah]

Going to bed now. Say a prayer and pray for lost ones and thank God for all your blessings. You are here for a reason. 🙏

[Bluekoala2813 in reply to Hidden]

Amen

[foxglove_pnw]

Sending you virtual hugs Caroline ! 🤗

[Ezrah in reply to foxglove_pnw]

equally for you...

[SacsWorld29]

Sister I just want to say probably what you hear so much of already but just keep fighting when this illness hits hard you hit BACK harder.. have you been exercising? Releasing those feel good chemicals in the body.. I'm going through something similar and exercising is really helpful for me.. I send out hope for you

[Ezrah in reply to SacsWorld29]

Thanks, yes, in fact I think it's the most they've been telling me lately, but now it has a different meaning, I see that I'm not the only one who goes through this, the exercises are unlikely (because of the accident my ears are damaged too much, they do not have what protects them, and therefore when I do that kind of thing the pressure in them goes up and the pain is much worse, than I have), but I try to walk at least two hours in the morning and in the afternoon. I sincerely hope that you can also get out of this, I know what you are going through too.

[Chappy12]

Hi..please continue with therapy..facing the trauma is how we eventually recover..it is a slow process..I suffered from PTSD when I found my son dead from cot death and two years later..I lost another baby boy to bronchial pnuemonia..the horrific trauma I suffered stays with me even till now but it does not haunt me everyday anymore..it has made me want to live my life to the fullest..I suffer with terrible anxiety on and off..I've gone out even with debilitating acrophobia on my own..panic attacks galore and everyday. I say to myself well done..you done it..and my confidence soars...I suppressed a lot of my trauma for years and it needed to be set free...CBT really helped me..keep going..you can do it..anxiety and panic cannot kill you..I haven't had a panic attack for a year now..and I never took meds xx

[Ezrah in reply to Chappy12]

Hi

I am very sorry, I think it is something very strong what happened, too much I would say, having a previous trauma and leaving my therapists believing that I was better was not a good idea, a new trauma, it has been too complicated I do not know if I can say that much more than in the previous, in both cases I have lost something, and both attack me constantly.

And I did not know I was repressing both traumas until my Doctor made the reference, I had two years without medication, but I think it was getting worse, I never saw him return, and the way he did it is abysmal, I try to go to the therapies but when visiting my therapists there are too many people (I have agoraphobia) but I try to ... even if on the way I should call my brother, sometimes I do not feel strong to go where there are too many people.

I always keep in mind that anxiety and panic will not kill me, but sometimes it's so real, I think so.

One of the symptoms I got because of my accident, almost always precedes the pain, but this weekend was much better, a scar more to my collection, my right ear bled again, and I relived the previous accident, ambulances, lights, new faces in emergencies, I did not see my Doctor anywhere, he gave me a bit of both, they left me in observation from Saturday morning, until a couple of hours ago, my body feels too tired, but I can not sleep , I do not know, it is tired but not of dream, but the valium does its job at this moment ...

I hope to be back here soon and with better news.

Thanks and good luck