Searching to find me again

[secrets22]

Over the past few years I have lost myself, and as hard as I look I cant find me, the old me that was bubbling with fun and laughter, the me that was confident and full of life.

I have become a poor substitute of the guy I used to be, I have become scared and nervous of everything ,afraid to go out and afraid of staying in, and of being nervous in company, scared of saying the wrong thing and have become almost voiceless .

This morning I ventured out to a new group I saw advertised locally, I went in and just wanted to retrace my steps and run away, but a little voice said 'hang on in there' which i did, and i did meet some very nice people, and i did chat to a number of people and i will go again.

After many years caring for my partner, and never going out very far, I lost myself in the process and finding myself again is a search beyond anything I've ever encountered.

If I can find a semblance of my old self, I will be grateful.

[Hidden]

Because I just posted a rant about happiness gurus, I will quote the showman Tony Robbins and say, "Change is automatic. Progress is not." Or, perhaps the late Buddhist monk Thic Naht's Hanh teachings on living in the present moment will resonate more, "What you are looking for is already in you...You already are everything you are seeking."

Mainly, I just wanted to say outstanding job on venturing our this morning and joining a new group!

[secrets22 in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou so much.

[Arymretep]

Well done you 👍 I so sympathise with you, I was a carer for many years for my Mum who lived with us , it was 24/7 so like you I couldn’t go far , my life was all about her for many years, I was lucky to have a supportive partner but he was at work most of the time so the caring mostly fell on me, I’m so glad I did this and I wouldn’t change anything as I had a wonderful Mum and Dad and was only replaying all that they had given me in my life, but it does change your life, friends and family moved on with their lives where as I was ‘stuck’, after she died I was lost for a while and had to rebuild my life, afterwards I was able to go where I want and do as I like but unfortunately with age comes other problems which restrict me, but as I say I would do it all over again, you can do this too, good luck 👍

[secrets22 in reply to Arymretep]

Thankyou ,and i would also do it all again.

[mizzou7016]

How about creating a whole new self based in part...on the old beliefs that you have always had....but for whatever reason you've gotten away from...mix that with some of the new things you want to be a part of it...you can do it.....just remember though that "Rome wasn't built in a day"

[secrets22]

Thankyou for your caring reply, it means a lot.

[hypercat54]

You can never be exactly the person you were before as you have suffered great trauma and grief since then. That's fine and natural.

You have done very well to start getting yourself into the swing again so keep it up.

Eventually you will become your new self which will be even better than the old you and even more you because of your suffering.

After great loss we all change and while it seems negative it is in fact very positive. The essential you will always be there but you will have got more layers and be a more complete person.

Don't fight it, just go with it and carry on doing what makes you happy. It takes time but you will get there.

Take care.

[Mrspjsmom]

Great job venturing out and staying when you wanted to turn around. We all change throughout life based on our experiences. But our core doesn't change. That stays the same and I applaud you for trying to bring it forward again.

[WaitingGame10]

Happy for you secrets.