It's that time again. Honesty hour.

So basically I've been through some pretty crazy stuff since being on this site, but I'm not going to complain. Instead since some people on here think my life is so easy, I'm going to lay it out there for you. Details excluded. Because this mess has been on my brain all day and I feel like alot of people want to hurry up and judge me. (Not all just want to clarify that). I am not one to spread what I've been through around because that's not who I am, but more of what I've been through. So here ya go. Unfiltered, but respectful.

I have been molested. I have been touched inappropriately, more times than I choose to count. I have been raped. Divorced. Have three baby daddy's and six kids. I struggle most freaking days. I have been called a whole slewwww of freaking names that I choose not to repeat for the sole reason of being disrespectful on this site. My business is just that. So do I go around judging the ones who want to judge me? Nope. I let it roll. But before you open your mouth and THINK you may understand me and what I've been through? Cause honestly that's just a piece of it, cause I didn't throw in the four suicide attempts, the cutting, and self loathing that I freaking feel, HOP OFF!! I at least would have given you the freaking courtesy of getting to know you BEFORE I ever passed a stupid judgement. So there ya have it. If you want to use these facts as ammunition go ahead.

[Vicki59]

Let it out! We all need to tell what going on inside.

[Hidden in reply to Vicki59]

Girl of you only knew haha I keep alot in. I'm just a happy by nature person, but some people can not help but to judge people without knowing them! I like everyone until I'm given a reason not to, welcome to the site by the way!! I'm happy you're here!!! 🙂

[Hidden]

Thank you for this, but honestly I don't let it run my life. Did it change me? Yup. Did it make me fear men a little? Yup. But sadly I get along better with most men than I do females. Cause the reality is that alot of girls, not women, are insecure. I am who I am meant to be. I accept that. I just would appreciate people not jumping to some crazy conclusions about me before even knowing me. I think that ticks me off more than anything. I am seriously glad I got to find you, even if it was on the internet.

[Hidden]

I know that is right. I don't let peoples words affect me anymore. Words have as much power as you CHOOSE to give them. It's whatever. I laugh it off. Seriously. People who judge me like that actually help heal me with laughter. True story lol and he will always be my ONLY judge.

[Hidden]

Thank you, I'm not as brave as you might think. I'm not scared by any means lol but I also don't go around looking to talk trash to people. You don't need to have any more respect for me than you would anyone else. I'm just tired of people acting like I'm living a fairy tale. I've been dealing with that mess my whole life.

[Sillysausage234]

That comment you got yesterday was shameful.....for someone suffering with anxiety / depression to spew out such vile stuff to someone here seeking support was disgusting....there’s no place for it here ...people don’t want to log on and see that ....just thinking out loud

[Hidden in reply to Sillysausage234]

I feel like whoever that person was, obviously was going through some stuff. And they took it out in me. I can handle alot, I don't understand why yesterday happened like it did. Either way, maybe people will see I'm not perfect and have some over the top easy life. So this mess doesn't happen again

[VDC1]

I feel sick to hear that you experienced all of that. When someone is sexually assaulted, the punishment should be the same as attempted murder because the victim more often than not serves a life sentence of psychological trauma, often leading to addictions, psychological disorders and even death.. I’ve seen the effect it has had on people that I’ve known personally.

I think I understand a little bit the mindset of the cutting. A long time ago, like 20 years ago, I had a period where I’d just punch things repeatedly until my hand was bloody and I got a strange sense of relief from the pain.

I’m here if you ever want to vent. That’s what this place is for I guess

[Hidden]

There was one point back in 2016 where I wanted to go to the guy's house, where he was with his fiance, and knock on the door. Only to show him the shotgun I had. Not for use on him, but myself. It was and still is hard for me. Because not only was I violated by him but the whole process afterwards was violating too. Then even after reporting it, nothing ever came of it, because I was married at the time, they basically chalked it up to me having an extramarital affair. So yeah. He gets to walk around like nothing happened. But that's ok, I know the truth about that night, and he knows it.