My therapist is on vacation and I needed someway to vent. My anxiety gets so worked up and I immediately go to the worst possible scenario about whatever topic I'm panicking on.
I've made some major life changes in the last 6 months that have left me more isolated than I'm used to being and have caused my anxiety (which I didn't even recognize I had) to rear it's ugly head. I hate to burden my adult children (aged 22 and 24) with my burdens just so that I'll have someone to talk to. They're not any of the issues that I'm fretting over and I'm old enough that I grew up in the age where a man is strong and doesn't show his weaknesses. I know better than that now but in a moment of desperation I go back to what's comfortable and that only makes it worse.
I'm hoping that here I'll take comfort in knowing that I'm not struggling alone.
Written by
DieselDad
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Hi DieselDad. I have really been struggling to accept emotions. Whenever I have negative emotions or feel bad about myself I eat crap and my self-esteem lowers. Anyway, I have a lot of work to do. Much of my anxiety is around work and money and thinking about losing my job and home and dying on the street.... I think about how I could take on a couple of easy entry-level jobs to support my family which maybe helps a tad. I know that our families would likely take us in but much of my life I am anxious that things are not going to be okay. It is exhausting.
Do you think that your kids would understand these emotions? I think people are a good support especially if we can express to them that we don't need them to fix us, just listen and validate these emotions. There is a lot of stuff in life you can worry about. Health, money, transportation, employment, other's perception of us, weather, global warming, terrorism. All of our feelings about things are valid. We just have to feel them, accept them, and let them move on.... I have so much work to do.
I am hoping I can get emotional stuff figured out for my kids so that they can do whatever in life and not let anxiety, fear, anger or any other emotion rule them.
I moved from the midwest to FL 6 months ago and brought my son with me. The only person that either of us knows here is the ex-girlfriend of mine from 4 years ago that convinced me to give it another go. I work from home so that doesn't help things any either. I have the same worries about work, money, housing and it doesn't seem to end. I was trying to eat right and go to the gym but this week has been hell and I haven't done either. Now here comes Friday evening and I'm dreading spending the evening here at home alone. All of the tools that I use haven't been working this week and I know I won't have any peace until her and I have dinner tomorrow night to resolve the mess I created because of my anxiety last weekend. Oh and I'm already spiraling over every possible outcome from dinner.
Did you cancel the date last weekend? I miss appointments and family events all of the time...
Maybe it is time for a new method. Have you done cold plunges? Acceptance therapy? Sadly for myself I almost always have to exercise to snap out of it. I am trying to get away from that. Do you have podcasts that you like? Can you go out for a walk around town or treat yourself to a movie out or cook something interesting at home and have a night in? Start a new novel?
I think that I am coming to realize that most things for me are a distraction from my feelings. Even exercise which is just perceived as healthy can quickly become a "have to" for me and there are mental consequences for me if I don't which is no bueno. So I guess I like the mental health podcasts. "Feeling Good" is my favorite hosted with Dr David Burns and he wrote the book "Feeling Great".
What tools do you like to use? Actually LinkedIn and looking at jobs sometimes helps with my work anxiety. There is employment out there even if I am not qualified for all of it.
She canceled the date last weekend and that was an enormous disappointment to me because I had spent the day prepping to cook dinner for her and introduce me to one of her best friends. I was butt-hurt and told her that I didn't think seeing her during the week was a good idea. It's frustrating that I've allowed myself to be consumed by this all week.
I have all the tools I need her to get thru this evening and not run every tomo scenario thru my head 10,000 times. My dog got tired of taking short walks with me (it's quite funny actually) so I'm taking a break from working on my jeep in the garage. I do have mindfulness tools and journaling but ironically while meditating I was distracted by the urge to journal and which one gets higher priority.
Thank you. I've never had my anxiety as bad as this week and I'm not used to the physical symptoms coming on so overwhelmingly. I know that I'm an overthinker which doesn't help at all when trying to 'solve' all of the issues that seem to be conspiring to attack me simultaneously.
That's exactly why I'm here. Just having a person that listens and understands what I'm going thru is a huge release. Not having to explain it to a friend and be consumed in fear that they'll judge you is an added bonus.
That is one of the great things about this community; we've all been there and we understand where you are coming from.
There is no shame for a man to admit he can't cope, in fact , in my experience it's the ones who soldier on making life difficult for everyone else who are the problem. 'No man is an island' is a good analogy. (My late husband was a good example).
We've all been there and we come back to try to help others who are suffering as we did.
I turn 60 in Feb, been fighting with depression since I was ten... I knew I was broken at ten. Still here. Still fighting. I'm as a surprised as anyone. Didn’t think I would make it to twenty five. I'd say Happy Holidays. But for most of Us the Holidays are a low point. I'm feeling it. Again. Your not alone.
You’re not alone DieselDad. And hey therapists always seem to go on vacation when we need them right? Hope that made you laugh. Just remember the anxiety wants to trick you and have you reverting to old ways that then amplify the anxiety. The fact you are recognizing when it’s rearing its ugly head, is great. You just gotta use tools as soon as you notice. Deep breathing exercises once an hour in a set of 6 deep breath in and exhale slow from the nose. Also mindfulness, just identify things around you and what you notice about them. Try to journal or write down the specific thing that is bothering you in thought then read it a few times and say my anxiety is tricking me. Hang in there.
Hi DieselDad! YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I wish I had more people closer to me to talk to in person. I hope it’s okay if we ‘therapy’ together?
I love your name. My dad started out as a diesel mechanic and then went on to drive OTR full-time. Some of my earliest memories are in the semi with my dad. My husband is a diesel mechanic now because of my dad. We actually run a heavy-duty repair shop and operate as a motor carrier in the Midwest.
Anyway, the Holidays are the hardest for me now and they used to be my favorite. I’m the one who used to host everything and I’m not capable of it anymore. I have this overwhelming feeling that there is something really wrong with me health-wise but my doctor(s) aren’t identifying it. I’m afraid I’m going to die too young. At the same time, my depression brain feels satisfied with this thought because my life insurance policy is hefty enough to pay off all the debt from the Flood and take care of my boys. My kids are the only thing that bring me any happiness. I wish my dad had shown his emotions more when I was younger; you sound very similar. He turned 59 yesterday and we are closer now than ever but still distant. My dad is my hero, even after all the stupid, hurtful things he’s done to my family and me specifically. If he would have shared more back then maybe we would be closer now? Maybe I would have understood his addiction more and he could have gotten clean sooner? Maybe I would be able to better deal with things now? Maybe my parents wouldn’t have gotten divorced and got back together?
I’m 37 with 3 sons - 12yo, 15yo, and 18yo. I can barely work part-time now which means we’ve been suffering financially for quite sometime and I can’t find a therapist/psychologist, let alone afford one once I find one. I’m so lost but I still feel alone. I know that the things I went through, I went through with my family but they aren’t talking about it. At least not with me, I wish they would. I would not feel alone, at least.
This probably turned out to be very depressing. I’m so sorry. My point is was that you are brave. And I wanted to give you kudos for reaching out. And strong parents make strong children. Even if they are struggling. I’m sure your children are proud of you. I’m proud of my dad and I tell him that.
Thank you!! I didn't find your message depressing at all, quite the opposite actually. Sharing your story helped quite a bit to reassure me that I'm not the only one who has lingering What If questions that I'll never know the answers to, and being ok with that. I do talk to my kids about what I'm going thru so I can try to do better. My parents and I are finally closer now than we were in the past, but my Dad's health won't allow them to travel to the US for the holidays. Out of fear about losing my dad soon, I see myself intentionally doing things to create memories with my son before he goes off on his own.
Today is a new day, a brighter day, a better day. I will not let anxiety consume me today!
Your not alone at all. You said you had some significant life changes? That in itself can create anxiety when we least expect it. I suggest you meet up with an old friend for cofee just to visit. You can meet ppl in a lot of places. Good luck
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