Again

[Donndonn1980]

another nite up worried about my safety and well being. No I dont bother ppl or commit crimes. I stay inside and play on my phone and my kids.i had a colorful past being chronically homeless and addicted to drugs ect. Things I've been through dont allow me to feel comfortable. No I'm no axe murderer or monster but I'm no angel either. I can say I have not been in that life a long time now but still the survival mode that has kept me all those years is hard to shut off. My trust is nil for ppl and I try hard to be positive but so much goes wrong and I get discouraged. Even though I'm completely different than I once was mentally I still feel condemned by society. I never feel like me changing for the better matters. It's like now that I'm responsible and care about things my life has been harder. Its mentally exhausting and the little I explain sometimes overwhelms ppl. I guess in a way I thought changing would have a certain feel to it or ppl would react to me differently but I guess it doesn't work like that. Ppl dont give a damn excuse my language. I wish we lived in a world where folks did care more. Or those of us who did live a hard life all changed for the better. My environment may be the reason I feel as I do also. It's hard being poor and doing all u can to do better but circumstances among other things make it very difficult to attain what everyone wants.I just want to be comfortable with a few extras to give my kids more than I've had.I will never stop working toward that but it is harder for some ethnic backgrounds. Like now that Government workers aren't getting paid it's like that for us low wage workers everyday. Working and still cant get by!! Anyways I'm just frustrated and needed to vent. Sick of worrying and not having the support I should around me. I hope whoever read this is ok and things are going well. If i can even help u or I've said something u can relate to feel free to chat with me!✌🏿💪🏿🙏🏿

[g33kgirl86]

Thanks for sharing with us the lovely family photo. Don't hold yourself to the past, it's never going to change no matter how many times you want it to. You have a unique experience and bring new perspectives to the table. I can relate to the being poor, I too have had to do what I can to survive but it doesn't define you. Have you spoken to any professional about what you just said as it sounds like you may have ptsd.

[Donndonn1980 in reply to g33kgirl86]

I've tried every time I get the runaround. They day they dont take my insurance or they are too expensive

[g33kgirl86 in reply to Donndonn1980]

You mentioned that you used to do drugs, do you go to any meetings? It could be another source of help

[maggief9812]

A meeting for AA or NA will also have other people who truly understand how it feels to work so hard to improve yourself and your circumstances- they’ll understand the feeling of letdown that something that has been so huge for you just doesn’t seem to matter to others. You also might be able to talk to someone through the program that has real life practical advice for how to face some of your specific challenges. This group is amazing for support, but sometimes I feel like my posts get lost in the masses on here. It’s good to vent here, but a face to face meeting can really help you to feel seen and heard. Plus a local meeting should be more closely matched to your life. I found out about a local food pantry for myself that I didn’t know could help me because I thought I wouldn’t qualify.

You might not feel like the world sees your hard work, but some of us do know the truth of the struggle. You should be proud to have brought yourself out of your past. I’m proud and hopeful for you- for more better things as you keep working.

[Hidden]

America, to much confrontation for me, I understand the wall although Congress seems to be unable to move on and negotiate. So pleased to live in UK.

You have some nice Kids, we have none and your Children must be a great blessing, are you married ?.

Look for diversions you can do with your Children, go for a walk in a Park etc, anything to take your mind of your negativity.

Personally in this situation I would advise you make an appointment with your GP and if you make a list of your concerns you will remember all the problems with your Anxiety and Depression.

It is important you get help

BOB

[Chappy12]

Hi I'm the same for different reasons...some nights I don't sleep hypervigilante something I learnt to be growing up with domestic violence ...on guard.in my early twenties two of my young sons died which added to the hypervigilante when I went on to have my two other children...well done to you for coming so far.ive never done drugs and I certainly never judge..two of my best friend's died from drug overdoses and I always see it as a coping mechanism..they both had really sad up ringings but we're really lovely people...the past does not define you.its hard to stop being on red alert when all is good..I'm so the same..it has kept us alive..a nuisance I know .I have ptsd From all the trauma..you have a lovely family.keep up the good work x

[Marshall64]

You mentioned about what people might think of you and then what is the point of being better. Don't let other people define you. Don't worry about getting acceptance from other people. I know it can be hard, but just work on being a better you. Don't compare yourself or situation to others. I used to do that but have gotten much better in my thinking. Be proud of the changes you made in your life. It is for the better for you and your kids.

[Agora1]

Donndonn, what a beautiful family. What a great dad.