I Believe there is hope : Hi there ! I... - Anxiety and Depre...

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I Believe there is hope


Hi there !

I've been gone for a while, but I just had this urge to write this. For those of you who don't know my story I've had anxiety for about 9 months now. Everything started when My dad was diagnosed with cancer last January 2018. I used to be one of those who made fun of people with anxiety or any other "mental issue", I didn't know what anxiety really was, I was so lost. Anyways... here I am, some days are better than others. I've had several panic attacks, several dark days, several days where I just didn't feel like doing anything, several days where I asked God why this was happening to me, Why did my dad had to suffer and leave us behind this way. I believe we get anxiety because we just want to be strong and we keep everything to ourselves. The other day I just started crying, I actually felt pretty bad because in my mind I was not able to "save" my dad, because I didn't do "enough" for him (I was one of the main caregivers along with my mom) I felt bad, I felt lost. I got to a point in my life where everything was dark( if you know what I mean ) I was constantly worry about having cancer and leaving my family behind, about dying young. Every single physical symptom I had made me very anxious, made me believe the worst. it was a nightmare ! my life was a nightmare, I was not able to enjoy life, it was not me anymore. I didn't enjoy my marriage, my kids, my family , my food, my job, nothing. I was living in a dark cloud where I felt there was no scape. I tried everything, counseling, teas, homeopathic meds, therapy, you name it...I remember one time I even told my husband to kill me if I had any illness( yes he looked at me like if I was crazy). I was so depressed and worried about health. I developed health anxiety and OCD. I went to the doctor several times a month, had many test labs and some hospital visits. Just like many I google symptoms (please don't do the same ) and doctor google said I had colon cancer, ovarian, stomach, TESTICULAR ( I cant have testicular cancer... I am a woman) you name it. I was getting crazy and so depressed with all the symptoms, my mind was telling me to just face it, I was gonna die.(not really ) but how do you shut that little bully inside of you? I was getting more and more depressed. Until one night, I remember I was putting my baby to sleep, I was feeling horrible, I was having abdominal pain and you know.... always thinking the worst, I was crying and got down on my knees by the bed and started talking to God. I told him about what was going on (I know he always knows) I ask him for forgiveness (because since my dad die I stopped going to church and reading bible ) I told him I was tired of feeling scared all the time, tired of living this way. I closed my eyes and felt a presence. I do believe it was him, telling me everything was going to be ok. Since then... my anxiety has diminish by 100000. I started seeing life differently, I started enjoying things again! God was really listening to my prayer. Don't take my wrong.... this is an every day battle, I still get anxious just by listening the word cancer. I still get anxious when I get physical symptoms but now its less. then I realized that no matter what you do to " Fix " you anxiety, If you are not in peace with God, its not really going to happen. So I invite you that if you are a believer to talk to God about your problems, and if you are not a believer then I don't know what to tell you....

I am here if you are feeling afraid or anxious. you can send me a message and we can talk. (Sometimes we just want to talk to someone who really understand what we are going through.)

There is hope !

6 Replies

Firstly, sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel with the health anxiety as I’m the same. My dad was diagnosed with cancer late 2016 and any little symptom and I worried that I had it also. He did survive the cancer but was diagnosed with motor neurone disease late October 2018 and now I keep worrying that I have it too due to symptoms that I’m having.

The symptoms only started after the shock and stress of hearing his diagnosis though.

Best of luck to you.

Alleluia... God is a great way to surpassing our troubles like that. I’m happy that you believed enough to wish upon him and felt his presence. His presence comes around when we seek to accept him and repent, thus once we do, he comes to save us from our sins and the evil of the world. Some days I have moments where I feel completely hopeless because I am very emotionless, but I know God is here to help me... I know he will get me out of this slump one day and you just reassured me that I can once more. Thank you for sharing. Cheers.

It’s so good to hear from you! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I’m so glad you are feeling a little more on top of things. You may remember that my dad also passed away from cancer in 1997 and it affected me the exact same way as you.

I’m a Christian too and your post has really spoken to me today. I’ve become distant from God lately (long story) and stopped reading my Bible and I feel all my prayers are “emergency” ones

Thank you for the encouragement. Take care and keep in touch! Xx

Tjgg in reply to weegmack

Yes !!! I remember you :) thanks for talking to me on my darkest days

Amen and Amen! I totally understand where you are coming from as well as where you are at today. Loss of a loved one feels so final and so abrupt even if you have warning signs. My sister died suddenly in her sleep 9 years ago as well my other sister is diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, but by the grace of God is still a walking miracle 6 years post diagnosis! God is good, and His mercies are new every morning!

Take each day as it comes, renew your mind in truth in God's word, listen for His still small voice daily because each day He has a new word for you just for that day. You are so right, there is HOPE and there is healing, but we have to be humble and seek help to receive help and to seek peace, hope and strength. I'm so thankful to hear your testimony and that you are getting stronger everyday. God bless you Tjgg!

Tjgg in reply to RoseyViolet

Amen !!!! Praise the lord for your sister. Glad your are ok

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