I think im sinking again

[Orangeblossom85]

I would love to escape this feeling... I feel like I'm sinking again..

My head seems to be so heavy, my chest feels the same. i feel all my nerves in the body are triggered giving me feeling of exhaustion.

Its been a month since I am back on medication. I do not feel any difference, if not the side effects - insomnia and belly aches. I don't feel my mood elevated at all. I finished group therapy week ago and now i do not have any psychological care.

My sister arrived yesterday and she will stay with us - me and my parents - for three days. She has NORMAL life that i envy her so much. She woke up by 8 am, stand up immediately, washed, showered, dressed... She did her hair, went out with the dog and then shopped for breakfast! Prepared the meal for me too... I have never ever done anything like this... For me to wake up takes ages, for me to do the easiest thing takes years and not without huge amount of anxiety..

Im scared each second of the day. Everything is petrifying and i cannot break that fear... i received an email from my work today taht paralyzed me, i am supposed to go back to my work after two months of sick leave and trust me - there is no way for me to reach my work place.... I feel that they will kick me out the first day anyway and I do not need to risk this horrible stress..

My phone sent out today an emergency sos to my exboyfriend with whom i didnt hear since April. He called me after but i couldn't pick up the phone. It scares me how much i love him, how much im drawn to him and how much he had hurt me..

I have problems with each and every human relation I ever kept... I do not answer my phone, i do not reply, do not show to any event... i all the time stay alone.. its years now but it only grows worse each day. people treat me now like their enemy... and overall i am called to be bad person, liar and cheater.

Mostly i feel like a fraud.

[Iloveart7]

I'm sorry. I feel like I'm sinking myself right now. (((Hugs)))

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Iloveart7]

what do you do about it? i really need to get back my life... i dont want to be vegetable!

[Iloveart7 in reply to Orangeblossom85]

Going to psychiatrist in a few days and counseling in a few weeks. Hoping my meds will get changed. With communication I'm kinda the opposite of you. I get panicky when not in contact with someone...

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Iloveart7]

what do you take now?

[Iloveart7 in reply to Orangeblossom85]

Cymbalta and abilify

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Iloveart7]

I must say that cymbalta so far was my best med. now I’m on Prozac.

[Orangeblossom85]

please help me

[Iloveart7 in reply to Orangeblossom85]

I dont know how or I would

[Hidden in reply to Orangeblossom85]

May I try to help you? love, peace, light, joy & hugs for you!

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Hidden]

what do you guys do to live?

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Orangeblossom85]

how is it so simple for my sister to just go and do....

[Hidden in reply to Orangeblossom85]

I focus on the positive...it breeds more positive for you..better than being negative..we have to fight so hard for ourselves..please know how important you are..there is only one you! Dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy & hugs for you!

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Hidden]

please tell me - what was positive today for you? maybe i could do the same!

[Hidden in reply to Orangeblossom85]

That I was able to face another day...battle on, once again..no giving up for me...I'll fight this anxiety with every ounce of energy I have...I'd love to get to know you better...maybe we can pm some time! Love, peace, light, joy & hugs for you!

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Hidden]

i will try my best :*

thank you for your good words, i need them as never before...

[Hidden in reply to Orangeblossom85]

I will always be here for you if you need me..take a look outside and see the beauty there...sometimes the simple things can bring so much pleasure. Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!

[Hidden]

Sometimes there are a few local therapy group in some states where you can go and chat with people who understand you should look it up on Google. You're not a fraud we have our good days, bad days and the horrible ones, so what if it take you ages to get out of bed what matters is that you get up, trying your best goes a long way

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Hidden]

you know what i do the best? sleep all day long..

im loosing my life each day... falling in problems. it gets worse everyday.

and i have no way to stop it. no way to do anything it to make my life situation better...

fall out from debts, work, get back my friends, say sorry to all the people...

[Hidden in reply to Orangeblossom85]

You said you were in group therapy have you ever tried one on one

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Hidden]

yes, for three years, but didnt really do anythng there. im horrible when it comes to talking.....

[Hidden in reply to Orangeblossom85]

Hi Orangeblossom - you sound such a sweet person - wanting to say sorry to people

and that sleep is the only way to help you out of the problems which are too painful to

deal with. That sinking feeling when you think there is nothing you can do to help yourself is probably felt by many people. The climate in the USA is difficult, with a shut down at the head of government and division in US politics. There's an article

"How to use visualisation to reduce anxiety" on verywellmind.com - usa.gov/benefits

might be helpful. Expect the stress of debt fall out, and being too unwell to cope at the moment is having an extra effect on you. Sleep is one way of resting your brain. I remember when I lost a parent, the only thing I wanted to do was sleep. Hope this sinking feeling will improve. When you feel better may be you could e mail some of your contacts, and keep in touch. Take care.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Hidden]

thank you very much hawii!

I will try to see that article!

[aaronm]

I'm very sorry your having a difficult time. You can message my anytime. I see this is your second post in 3 months. I noticed you hadn't been around and I miss you.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to aaronm]

yes, during the group therapy, i avoided the forum to keep focused on what we were going through there.. you know that i love this place, its my only support. i am not too talkative in real life, never talk about me...

[aaronm in reply to Orangeblossom85]

Well you can talk to me anytime.

[Sillysausage234]

Can you enjoy any comedy on tv at all ?I find it helps to not take everything so serious,and break the cycle of negative thoughts ..I know it’s hard to contemplate sometimes but it helps me ,🌤

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Sillysausage234]

Alan! Please give me some titles! I will gladly watch something funny!!!!

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Orangeblossom85]

youtu.be/9asPdnomIE8(Not working as expected?)

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Sillysausage234]

youtu.be/guTvX5EAXdU(Not working as expected?)

[Hidden]

It sounds as if you are bombarded by too many emotional problems.

Do you think the medication you are on is making you drowsy, and slow to respond

to getting up in the morning, and meeting deadlines? You say you have been hurt by an ex who did try and contact you but you could not respond to his call . Is this fear of rejection or an acceptance that you have broken up and you won't be able to reignite your relationship? Then the scary communication that you have to be back to work in two months when you are nowhere near ready to go back. Do you think you could cope with an alarm clock, waking you up at 7am to give you time to get up, and be awake while your sister is staying with you? Do you think you should just put former relationships on the back burner and just concentrate on trying to change your sleep patterns, so you can get back to a daily routine? Do you think a change of medication would make all the difference as everyone reacts differently to drugs? Whilst your sister is with you expect you feel that you cannot keep up with her, which is making you feel worse. I have heard some people feel great on lithium - others use other drugs which help them cope with their lives. Stop having feelings of being a fraud - people make mistakes in relationships

and they are not bad people.

[Orangeblossom85]

today is just the worst day... way too many problems that i cannot solve, way too many people who call me bad person and treat me like their worst enemy, i dont know what to do, i dont know where to start... how can i clean up my life? and the hardest - how can i live with my head? i really dont know what can i do to just get better..

[Ollyvie]

Am sorry to hear that you are feeling this way but want to let you know that you are not alone. Sometimes life bring some challenging moment but if you have survived up till this time then you’ve got what it takes to go through. Try and take each day at a time. Will suggest that you deal with one challenge at a time. When we think through all our challenges at a time its becomes very overwhelming to deal with. I pray you find courage to do the things you want to do. It may take a while but don’t give up trying. At times we all get scared and don’t know what to do but I want you to stay hopeful and positive. I pray and hope you find peace and strength in this moment.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Ollyvie]

Yes, it’s the courage we all need. I hope we will find it. :*

[Ollyvie in reply to Orangeblossom85]

It a matter of time and you will get there. Focus on the now. This resource has been very helpful to me. You can look at it when you have the time. (bit.ly/2U0Uduo) . Best wishes

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Ollyvie]

Thank you 😊

[Ollyvie in reply to Orangeblossom85]

You are welcome dear♥️

[Hidden]

Thinking of you. Hoping you can find some peace.

Things truly can change...

🌺💕 xx

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Olivia !!! I really had a great day today !! Extremal change in comparison to the entire week.

[Hidden in reply to Orangeblossom85]

This is so lovely to hear...and it’s just how it seems to go with me too...

Every good wish..🌺🌺🌹🌹 x

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Hidden]

🌺🌺🌺🌺

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Hidden]

Lots of love, Oli!!! We will all heal and be good :*