Aweful way to start the new year

[Chrissymae]

My husband cheated on me a month ago. Since then I have a problem trusting. We go to therapy but he doesn’t follow what the therapist tells him. When I need reassurance or start crying he ignores my feelings. I feel so helpless I don’t know what to do anymore

[mixed-emotions]

Maybe therapy for both of you is to soon? Do you go by yourself for your thoughts and feelings? Everyone is different of course but in my experience when the one you trust the most breaks it, makes you question everyone and until a person heals within only then they can learn to trust again.

[mixed-emotions in reply to mixed-emotions]

I'm also saddened by this news and hoping for nothing but the best for you!

[Lulu02 in reply to mixed-emotions]

I agree, maybe try going to therapy by yourself and see how things turn out

[Chrissymae in reply to mixed-emotions]

Thank you. I was thinking about going to therapy for myself cause I just feel like I’m getting worse. I feel super alone and to myself.

[mixed-emotions in reply to Chrissymae]

He obviously has to work on himself and both of you if you wish to move on together. There is nothing wrong with being to yourself, crying or showing any emotions. Move at your own pace to overcome this.

[hypercat54]

Hi you need to take back your power and not let him dictate how things will be. Instead of crying get angry and tell him what he needs to do to regain your trust. He is the one who cheated but he is trying to make you feel like you are the one at fault. He is playing mind games so don't fall for it please. x

[AZ1970 in reply to hypercat54]

I agree hypercat54. It is his responsibility to fix the situation. If he is not willing to do that, that speaks volumes. Crissymae, I am sorry you have this pain. I know it is hard.

[fauxartist]

it's hard to accept that a partner is not there for us emotionally....and when the trust is broken it's almost impossible to repair. It's obvious he has no remorse or intention to mend the relationship....so your going to have to plan for minding your own needs and yourself. Go to therapy alone and work on how your going to live your life. I wish I would have followed through in my life in a similar situation sooner and not allowed myself to be lowered to accepting more and more from my ex-. Abandonment issues do that to many of us....we hold onto a bad relationship longer because to re-live that abandonment feeling is worse to a lot of us, than getting out of an unhappy relationship. I was once told never to accept less in a relationship. It's true. But easier said than done.

[AZ1970]

I am so sorry. That sounds very painful. I have been in a similar situation in the past. You cannot trust him and most likely won't for a very long time. If he is not repentant of his actions, trust will be even more difficult. Pay attention to his actions. They speak more than his words. Take care of yourself. I suggest getting individual counseling for yourself. You need to be strong enough to be able to make decisions in your best interest whether that be staying with him or leaving.

Allow yourself to feel the anger toward him. Don't turn it inward in order to keep him from being mad and leaving. Depression is anger turned inward. Keep reaching out. We are here for you. HUGS!

[hypercat54 in reply to AZ1970]

Very well said AZ and I completely agree that depression is often anger turned inwards. x

[Chrissymae]

Thank you so much guys. This means a lot to me. I been dealing with a lot during the holidays and he doesn’t seem to understand the pain I’m going through or how my anxiety is. So thank you it makes me feel a little bit better that I’m not alone

[defyinggravity]

hello Chrissymae, I completely understand your feelings.In my opinion, now is the moment of taking time for yourself and take distance from the source of your anxiety (sorry,my english is not perfect).it took me a lot to realise that this was a good first step. i kept my anger and my sadness of being a abandoned for too long and this only led me to chronic anxiety.you are not alone,talk to friends, do your hobbies and remember: you are a strong, faithful and a loyal person with a huge heart, but this love must be given to you first and then to the others.no one can love you more than yourself.i hope you start remembering that your selfconfidence cannot depend on the others actions.you deserve the best.

[countryboy1]

Wow, Chrissymae, I am so sorry to hear about your husband's affair. That is so tough. I must agree with mixed-emotions. Please go to a therapist yourself. Place your focus on healing for you! You are so important and you need to take care of you. What are your self-care techniques? What do you like? Please do those things as long as they aren't destructive. For example, if you like to shop, but you really can't afford it, please do something else. Give yourself quiet time, complete the tasks given by the therapist. And know how important you and your health is. We care about you in this community