I was really hoping to get a fresh start to the new year by quitting my job and starting fresh, but once again I've talked myself out of it. I haven't been at this job a full year so it feels like I should stay, but I genuinely want to die everytime I think about it. Everytime my supervisor messages me I get an anxiety or full blown panic attack, and I get maybe an hour of sleep because I can't stop thinking about things I probably messed up.
I feel like I have no support in this job. I got no training, started as an intern and then got hired full time. As an intern I did almost nothing, now I'm on the biggest 3 clients with little guidance on what is expected of me or how anything here works. I'm usually ok with learning on the job and working independently but I feel like I have no clue what's happening. When I'm uncertain I try to ask my supervisor for help and he often says he either doesn't know because that used to be the role of the last girl in this position, or that what I'm doing is probably fine. Then weeks later I find out it's not fine and I'm expected to fix it within days, if not hours. It's so stressful, but I feel like it's just me and I'm just too dumb to have a job. And the more stressed I get , the more my brain stops working. Lately I can't remember what was discussed, what my notes mean, or what my deadlines are.
What if it's not the job though. What if I'm just lazy and bad at being employed. What if I quit without a job lined up and I can no longer afford my bills. This job is the main reason I've become super suicidal but what if I'm just being dramatic. I'm losing it. My brain is so broken haha.