Not a good start to the week

[Clarebear86]

Well another weekend came around and the whole scenario where my husband walked out to meet someone at a premier inn replayed in my head once again. It’s also 13 days on citalopram, which I know probably isn’t helping matters. Once again I’m upset, confused and just don’t understand why he did it? He said it was a stupid mistake, but yet he still did it. I feel stupid for not being able to let it go, but I can’t. I just feel like he chose to walk away that night & he continues to walk away now every time he steps out the door and it hurts. He said when he got to the premier inn he had decided it was wrong and nothing was going to happen. That he couldn’t do that to me or my daughter. But yet he did, he did when he made the decision to walk out the door and go. Is this all just silly and stupid and if so why can’t I just let it go?

[lil_avocado]

Because it hurt you.

[lil_avocado]

Things that hurt gets really hard to let go.

[Vrt14]

Well, if he is really sorry, please try to forgive him. Better repair that relationship than look for someone new. I'm single and looking for someone decent to date and let me tell you, it's a zoo out there!

[HearYou]

Hello carebear,

You ask why he did that, and there may never be an answer that puts your heart at ease. You ask why you can't stop thinking and worrying about it. Perhaps it's because you have no control over what happened and that his actions broke your trust in him, and that can worry you as you unsure of your future with him now.

No matter how much you love him, the only person you can control is you. I suspect you and he have talked about that incident at length.

Perhaps it is time to discuss ways where the two of you can begin to rebuild your trust, which could ease your hurt and let go of the feeling that every time he goes out the door he may disrespect you again. This would also give him some clear insight into how he can rebuild your trust in him.

Sometimes men, and women, make absolutely stupid decisions, that they regret, and need help in repairing the damage done. That includes giving him some time and slack to let you see over time he is trying hard to show you he can be trusted, and that you are letting go of the past.

Marriage is not easy, it is hard at times, and I send you my best wishes that the two of you rebuild and get past this.

[Clarebear86]

Thank you for all your replies, I really do appreciate it. It all sounds so simple and easy, but in real life it’s just so hard. I’m just stuck in a never ending circle of despair, looking backwards, questioning everything & it all seems so negative. Everyone keeps telling me to be positive, but what have I got to be positive about. At the end of the day he’s let his actions speak for him. He was so inconsolable when he finally admitted it all. A day later when he came back from work, he was irritable taking everything he said about wanting to be with me and Mia and saying he didn’t know what he wanted. He then told me no matter what happened he would make sure the mortgage was taken care off. I didn’t understand why we had jumped to this scenario. He was actually considering leaving me. He decided to walk away and spend a couple of nights at his parents. Then he also went to Kendal with friends. We had never been apart for a night other than when he was in hospital, I visited him every single day, the night before our wedding and when our daughter was born. Spending nights away from each other isn’t the norm for us, so when he asked that night if he could stay out all night, then of course I was suspicious, wouldn’t anyone be? To learn that he had kissed her two weeks previous exchanged details and orchestrated this whole meet up, hurt, of course it did. It brought my whole world crashing down around me. 9 years of marriage for some kiss in a night club! What made her so special?