I Annoys my Husband ... in all I do

[Cocoon3]

What to do when everything I say - no matter how I say it, nicely, boldly, a roundabout way etc. - aggravates my husband to the point that he leaves the room. He never touches or holds me , it takes me to almost have a (complete nervous break down) in front of company, for him to even notice that I am home & say words to me. IM SO INVISIBLE, SO UNIMPORTANT, SUCH A BURDEN OF DISABILITY & THEN HAVE A DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY TO BOOT !!!! Y’all I’m REALLY TIRED !!

[hypercat54]

Hi I got news for you - the problem isn't you but your husband! He chooses to behave like this and you don't 'make' him do it you know. How long has he been blaming you for his own issues? x

[Cocoon3 in reply to hypercat54]

6 years

(& we have had some major health issues, especially me, partial Colon & rectum removal, near death kidney problems, deaths of my loved ones, loosing my job, My breakdown (attempted suicide) etc during that time).. which not 1 person especially him, showed that they were thankful I was still here. but see, all I want is his time and to get to know him better (1 on 1 time) and I have continuously said that over and over and nothing changes. It had been 4 yrs since we had had sex & on our 7th wedding anniversary (this yr) I pursued him. We have went on 1 date in 4 yrs & there was silence.. like I was alone OR like we didn’t know each other... I crave for his attention & he knows it & does nothing.. he says he loves & has shown compassion cz he has been by my side while I was extremely sick- vomit, blood, colon blood, weeks of vomiting-so I know he cares, he just does not communicate w/ me, notice me etc (the 1st yr he did, so I know he can), he’s never been married before & when we married he was late 40’s. Other people notice me, compliment me & seem 2be interested in what I have to say.. & others support & make me feel protected but- he NEVER stands up for me

SO, ADVICE PLEASE!! ...... I’m on the edge of DARKNESS AGAIN !!

[hypercat54 in reply to Cocoon3]

He has got you believing he cares about you - he doesn't. You don't behave like he does if he cared. Nor does he love you. You are never going to get what you want, or deserve out of this man so turn your attentions elsewhere for the love and support you need. He will never give this to you but is holding out the promise to keep you hooked. He is abusive and a bully.

My advice is to stop blaming yourself for his behaviour. He chooses to behave like this - it is nothing you have said or done which determines what he does. It is not your fault but his. Have I got through to you? This might be a novel idea but I believe recognising and acting on it will lead to the start of a happier and healthier life for you. x

[Cocoon3 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you !!! Your advice sounds just like what my best friend of 29 yrs said (she passed away suddenly this past January. I also think since we live around both of our families- he don’t want people to think bad of him, for leaving me (being disabled).. boy would everyone talk. I don’t have the means to live on my own & I have no really close family members that would truly help me.... so I’m here & im stuck.. But your advice has helped me, to start getting my ducks in a row (as the saying goes).. y’all I’m so lonely & the bubbly person I am.. has became secluded & really like a hermit. But your words have helped by encouraging and giving hope things very much

[hypercat54 in reply to Cocoon3]

I don't know what country you are in but surely you would be entitled to some sort of benefits? If you haven't already look into this. You might find you would be able to afford to live away from him. x

[Cocoon3 in reply to hypercat54]

I will look into that (benefits) Thanks sooo much.. I mite try & pm you, in regards to questions certaining benefits... I swear you are just like my best friend was, made over 😘

[hypercat54 in reply to Cocoon3]

Hi I am in the UK and I think you could be in the USA? If so then I'm afraid I couldn't help with benefits. You are always welcome to pm me anytime though xx

[Robinrenae]

Hypercat is right, him treating you like that is his issue not yours. What is your issue is the fact that you allow him to treat you this way. You ARE worthy of love and respect! He is suppose to lift you up not hold you down.

[Cocoon3 in reply to Robinrenae]

He’s never tried to understand chronic depression, he’s never spoken up for me, even when my narcissist ex has called me the worst curse word ever! Like I said.. I’m invisible & not priority... I have a lot of things to think about.. if I can find the strength..... I’m so tired of fighting to be Loved. Thanks to all of u !!!

[Robinrenae in reply to Cocoon3]

Unfortunately we can't control or change how others act but we can change how we react to their behavior. I know you're hurting and I'm so sorry 🤗 Try to focus on loving yourself Cocoon.

Love and light to you 🌹❤

[Linnea1]

Dear Cocoon - I'm really sorry you're in the middle of all of this painful stuff. Have you tried couple's counseling (by yourself, if he won't go)?

[tea42]

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like what I went through for 20 years in my marriage. Abuse comes in many forms- physical, psychological, emotional, verbal. Some people think that as long as they are not beating you up, then it’s okay to ignore, neglect, be uncommunicative,etc. these behaviors also leave scars that can’t be seen but are very real! I used to always feel like I was “walking on egg shells “, never saying or doing the right thing and making him angry. No one can make others angry. It is not your fault. He is the one with the problem and wants to make it seem like it’s your fault. That’s manipulative behavior! And you aren’t doing yourself or him any favors by allowing him to treat you this way. Love must be shown not merely spoken. I was also told how I was loved but then mistreated, cheated on & lied to. I finally woke up, stood up for myself and made some major decisions.

I did seek counseling for myself first, which helped me. But I had to decide what I was willing to accept and not accept in our relationship. Then I had to confront him & the issues that were negatively affecting me & our marriage. I gave time & space for changes. This is important because he needs to see you are serious. But nothing will change if you do nothing. My heart goes out to you❤️

[Cocoon3 in reply to tea42]

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me

[tea42]

Glad to share 🤗 & pray this year will be one of good changes and hope💕

There’s a verse that has given me so much comfort and hope: “ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” We were meant to live for more than what our eyes can see & beyond our feelings. Faith can take us to places we would never have dreamed of going and we never have to go it alone💗