Can I find any help

[Karisti1369]

My name is Christie I am 26 years old I have been diagnosed with a bipolar disorder but I haven't discussed social anxiety with my doctor yet but every since I was 12 I feel nervous around people and go silent I can't even think of things to say to the people and it seems like when I'm asked a question I pop out with the first thing that comes to mind whether it's the truth or not I can't even think before I speak does anybody have any information or answers

[Ripley7]

Sorry you are dealing with social anxiety. It’s especially hard dealing with that type of anxiety because unless you live by yourself on a deserted island you’re gonna pretty much see people everywhere you go.

I can’t say I have any answers but I can definitely relate.

In my case I’ve had social anxiety all my life. My guess is that I’d probably developed it sometime during my early childhood. I was the youngest of three children and we were what was termed at the time as ’latchkey’ kids. Our mom who was divorced was never home due to working a couple of jobs to support us and so we were always home alone. I was dubbed as the overly sensitive one in the family and any kind of sibling bullying or anything like that was never addressed.

I remember all throughout grade school I’d go through each class hardly speaking, if at all. I was eventually known among classmates as the girl who didn’t talk. If I did speak everyone would turn and stare at me, like ‘who’s she?’

During lunchtime I was terrified to walk into the lunchroom where everyone would stare at me and laugh at me because I had no one to sit with, so I just skipped lunch altogether and hid in the bathroom stall until lunch was over.

Sometimes if I happened to see the school administrator he would let me spend my lunch hour in the library. Finally he wrote me a permanent pass so I wouldn’t have to find him every day to ask him. To this day I still have that pass because I appreciated the kind gesture so much. It saved me the inevitable embarrassment that I’d face if anyone had found out I was hiding in the bathroom every day at lunch like a scared little mouse.

Sometimes I would make a friend and I would hang out with them until they got tired of hanging out with just me. So they’d move on and I went back to being super shy.

I eventually started to get bullied by a couple of kids who started to call me ‘stiff’ and ‘snob’. I guess when I walked I’d unconsciously try to kind of disappear within myself- or be as invisible as possible and it showed unfortunately.

In high school I failed a few extracurricular classes, and barely passed others because I was too scared to participate in all the group assignments or presentations.

If I’m around people that I’m comfortable with I’m just fine. Otherwise when I’m around people I could get so nervous I’ll forget words- forget what I’m even talking about- mix up my sentences- stutter some...

Throughout grade school on up I’d always daydream about ways that I’d die in order to escape my hell. I’d beg God to kill me all the time and didn’t understand why he wouldn’t.

Needless to say all this went unnoticed and/or unaddressed in my family.

To this day- I’m 41- it’s still bad but I can often get by on a daily basis. I try to avoid large crowds. Driving in traffic can trigger me.

I was prescribed Xanax for the panic attacks. If you’re iffy about taking prescriptions another thing is to take a Midol (tension)- it has to say ‘tension’ in the symptoms though. I kid you not that has prevented several panic attacks when I felt it building up. This was before I saw a doctor about anxiety. A former supervisor who also had anxiety problems recommended the Midol (tension) to me.

It’s not a long term fixes but they’re good for immediate relief when you’re in a fix.

Another thing I’m looking into is practicing relaxation techniques- deep breathing- yoga, things like that.

I try to read positive spiritual things - Buddha quotes that talk about mindfulness are helpful, too.

[Jamie2018 in reply to Ripley7]

You sound just like me during my childhood.im 58 now and still find certain situations hard. How are you doing now?

[Ripley7 in reply to Jamie2018]

Hi- thanks for asking- I get by well enough I think. When I was married to my children’s father for about 9 years I had gotten really bad with managing my social anxiety. He was pretty controlling and often made me feel like I couldn’t do anything right so I ran less errands and did less of the things I’d learned to do myself while managing the anxiety. So it was almost so bad to the point where I would only go to work, pick up the kids from daycare and go straight home every day. If I had an appointment someone had to drive me because I was too scared of driving there myself. The car almost became an instant panic trigger when my husband drove because he drove recklessly-he speeded, never paid attention to what was in front of him and would often accidentally run stop signs and lights and if I said anything he’d yell at me or slam on the brakes in the road and demand whether he should get out if I feel like I can drive better.

When he left me and the kids I was sort of forced outside of my comfort zone and had to face my fears - there was no other option. So since then- about 5 years or so - I’ve managed the social anxiety pretty decently except sometimes when I’m in a really big crowd with a lot of noise or if I’m in heavy traffic.

I work in a restaurant as a hostess/busser so I am forced to confront the anxiety daily which is probably good or I’d easily slip back deeper into seclusion.

When I’m left to my devices at work I do pretty well- I tend to zone out everything while I’m bussing tables and I’m fine with that, except sometimes it might take a moment for someone to get my attention because I’m so deep in thought. Zoning things out had always been a huge coping mechanism so I’m really good at that. I could get lost for hours sitting there just being deep in thought.

With the hostessing part I’m actually really good with the customers - I’m very personable despite my nervousness around people. I have a very difficult time with assertiveness though. It’s a daily struggle working on that.

I feel that ideally if I had the anxiety in check I would be able to get a good full time job. Right now despite a degree and some diplomas I can’t land a full time job. I feel like I’m sabotaging myself from improving things career-wise. This unfortunately keeps me somewhat dependent on my live-in boyfriend.

I seem to do much better supporting myself and my children when I’m not in a relationship, definitely.

Sorry for the rambling- I’m curious how other people have coped with social anxiety, as well, actually. How did/do you manage it?

[Jamie2018 in reply to Ripley7]

Well I didn't deal with it well when I was younger my teachers would ask me questions in class and I wouldn't respond just sit there and face turning red. Kids made fun of me..in high school i had a best friend I felt comfortably with but I was like her shadow. I would lay in my bed and cry wondering what was wrong with me and why I couldn't talk to my classmates like normal people. When I had my senior yearbook signed everyone wrote basically the same thing "to the quietest girl I know".

I met and married my first boyfriend. Had 2 kids. After the birth of my first I went into a deep depression with severe anxiety and what I now know was depersonalition. But of course I at that time didn't know it was a symptom of anxiety I thought I was losing my mind. This was more than 30 yrs ago no such thing as googling symptoms. After 9 months of this living hell I found psychiatrist had therapy and medication and got better. 3 years later I had another child with no problems. Felt great. Over the years I've been off and on anti depression meds but every time something triggers my stress I end up going back on them. The last time something triggered me was having mammograms and they saw something but turned out to be nothing. I went back on meds and probably be on them indefinitely and I'm okay with that.theres lots more to tell but don't want to write a book lol.

[Ripley7 in reply to Jamie2018]

Hearing how talking to a psychiatrist had you helped a great deal in managing your anxiety makes me feel like I am maybe headed in the right direction by going to see a therapist.

What’s really messed up is that I’m completely aware how irrational my fears are about being around people. I mean what’s the worst they can do, right? It’s so ridiculous- my brain knows one thing but it’s so used to being wired a certain way that it won’t change direction.

That sucks the mammogram scare had triggered your anxiety to come back but I’m glad that what they saw turned out to be nothing.

I hope the meds are helping with your anxiety.

I remember there being a few times throughout the years that I came off my meds and was fine until something major would trigger my anxiety, then the panic attacks would follow, and finally the depression. It’s like a cycle.

When I’m not stuck in depression mode I try to read and practice some Buddha mindfulness techniques to calm myself naturally. Things like breathing and clearing my racing mind and stopping negative thoughts before they get too overwhelming. I figure that whether or not I’m on meds I could still probably benefit from that stuff somehow.

You mentioned having experienced depersonalization after the birth of your first child. I think I must’ve had postpartum depression or something like that both times my children were born.

I remember my narcissistic husband at the time had left pretty much all of the baby caring to me- the all nighters- everything. He did his best to stay at work all night or be asleep all day, and his days off he made a point to make himself scarce.

I would reach my limit almost clockwork everyday around mid afternoon and have anxiety attacks...every single day. I would be in complete hysterics during those attacks. If I was able to reach my jerk of a husband some of the times he would at worst literally tell me to just get over it and at best call his sister in law (whom I tried to avoid as much as possible)to come over to watch the baby for an hour.

I felt like such a horrible mom because here I was supposed to be bonding with baby but instead all I wanted was to get away from everything and everyone—even them.

It took me about a month or so to finally start bonding to them. I was protective of them from the get go for sure- but I didn’t feel warm fuzzies for them for a good month.

Even now I feel like crap for admitting that- though since then I’ve loved them two little munchkins more than anything or anyone in this world.

[ChicagoGirl1961 in reply to Ripley7]

Hi Jamie and Ripley, very interesting posts. I suffer from both GAD and SAD in addition to depression. Looking back I can see that I suffered from anxiety when I was a child, and it seems that the disease has gotten progressively worse as I have gotten older, I'm 50 now. I think life circumstances are just more challenging now and that makes things more difficult. Anxiety fuels my depression so I work very hard to control the anxiety. Things that are not bothersome to others are sometimes difficult for myself, people without anxiety issues do not understand but that's ok. Somehow or another I have a fairly good quality of life, but it is very challenging and has it's highs and sometimes incredible lows. I struggle to push aside an impending shense of dread, just a general feeling that things will all come crumblig down. I have to remind myself that these negative thoughts and feelings are just the disease talking and push them away before they take hold. I have a great family but only my husband knows of my anxiety and depression because I am ashamed of it. I know it's not my fault but I don't want others to know of my struggles. Educating myself about anxiety and depression, in addition to medication, has enabled me to lead a reasonably productive life although it is a constant struggle. Each of you seem to have had as pretty tough time and I sympathise with you. I wish you both the best, and if you ever need support please reach out to me.

[Ripley7 in reply to ChicagoGirl1961]

Hi ChicagoGirl, I can relate to the problem of people not really understanding my anxiety issues-or depression for that matter.

They tell me to stop worrying so much and think more positively. I’m like...”Seriously?? If only I could just snap my fingers and I’d be perfectly fine, you can believe I surely would.”

From what I understand when a person’s brain has been wired a certain way for so long it’s going to take a lot of sweat, tears, and time to rewire it. I imagine the scenario of ‘one step forward, two steps back.’

Im glad you have the support of your husband- it would be horrible to try to deal with that alone.

I agree that it seems like the depression and anxiety can fuel each other. I have spells where anxiety is at it’s worst for a period of time- almost constant...that’s when I’m more prone to my panic attacks - which are usually triggered with the social anxiety, often at work...then I fall into a deep depression for a long while. Back and forth. I feel like a hot mess.

I’m starting therapy though because medicine isn’t doing anything and I’ve gotten much worse lately.

Since a June I’ve been in a really deep dark depression- it’s triggered the self harming. I hide it pretty well but evidently not perfectly because my 2 young children had asked about my wrist when they’d each accidentally caught a quick glimpse of it at some point and I tell them it’s a tattoo that got infected and then I change the subject. I’m so ashamed.

Wishing you the best, too, my friend.