Disappear

All the people closest to me want me to go away. This has been very clearly expressed. There has been no misinterpretation. I have nothing. I know I need to get the courage to disappear. I only know one way to do this with absolutely no resources. What am I supposed to do?

[ChicagoGirl1961]

Why do they want you to disappear? Pls share more info. Also, what you think of yourself is what important, not what others think. Hang in there

[Hidden in reply to ChicagoGirl1961]

It would solve my depression problem - relief for family and society. Remaining family will benefit financially (get my share of inheritance). No more hospital visits. No more worrying for anyone. I wonder if a large quantity of alcohol would provide courage. I have learned a lot from past attempts. This is it. There would be no turning back. There is nothing stopping me except my own fear. I have prayed about it a lot this year. Maybe everything is falling into place for a reason now...

[ChicagoGirl1961 in reply to Hidden]

Pls get help Lisa. You likely won't get the type of help you need here....?but if you truly want help from someone on this site you have to share some insight as to exactly what has gotten you this point. I read some of your previous posts and they each are similar to this one as you describe yourself and being in dire straights. Lots of people are in skimilar situations with regard to depression and anxiety, and you can get some solid advice from people on this board, but you have to share more of what is going on. I would encourage you to seek help from a physician where you can get relief from your dark outllok on life with both medication and counseling. Their is hope. You are not alone.

[melantha in reply to Hidden]

I understand... I know that feeling too...

It often seems like the best option, but it would only be the best option for me personally. It would tremendously hurt the people around me, and that I do not have the heart to do. I stay strong for them. I’m sure you must have someone in your life who truly cares about you and would be in pain at your loss. Sometimes depression tells us they don’t care or that they’d be “better off without us” but it’s not true. Depression lies.

[Ripley7]

Please don’t give up.

I have to remind myself all the time that ending my life might seem to fix my immediate problems but it will do much more harm than my (mis)interpretation of good.

I am not close with my family- never was. I have no friends because I can’t trust anyone and those that I do trust end up being the wrong ones to trust.

Boyfriends leave, husbands leave....but for me it’s my kids... and my cats—but mostly my kids—that keep me from totally getting sucked down into that dark hole.

I can’t abandon them. I refuse to abandon them. Their father abandoned them and me when he left us for another woman - he still doesn’t care about anything but himself - I don’t want them to be abandoned again - this time by their own mom.

You will not be doing anyone any favors by ending your life. I promise you. There will be someone out there that will always feel the pain of losing you- that’s not something you want to wish on anyone. Death does not make anyone’s life better no matter what you may think about inheritance or such.

Please consider seeing a counselor. There are also suicide hotlines out there that are there for people to use them whenever they feel what you are feeling and need to just talk to someone.

I haven’t called a suicide hotline before but I’ve called an abuse hotline a couple times in the past when I was in a relationship with a horrible guy who started hitting me. I was already estranged from my family and he isolated me from the few friends I had. I snuck a couple of calls to an abuse hotline and I can’t explain how it helped to put things into perspective when you hear yourself telling your story to a kind person who wants to hear what you have to say without any judgement. They were so great to listen to me with such attentiveness and understanding. It’s amazing how warped your own thinking can get when you have no one to talk to. To hear a complete stranger tell me that I sounded like a good person in a bad situation who deserved to find happiness without the pain- it was sort of a wake up for me. Not long after that I finally left him for good.

1-800-273-8255 is the suicide prevention hotline for within the US. It’s 24/7. The site says they can chat online, too.

Not sure what outside of the US is but I just googled ‘suicide hotline’ so it should show more options as well.

But most importantly see a counselor and do not isolate yourself.

You ARE important and you deserve to live a long happy life just like everyone else. ❤️

[ColdJellyFish]

Hey Lisa,

Last week I had made the decision to end my life.

This week I am in a partial hospitalization program.

My advice for you is to seek help. If you are having hard times with your family, leave them be and focus on you. You are the important one. It does not matter what they think. I think joining a program or group therapy will help. You will meet people who feel the same way and might make some good friends. This will give you people to talk to and express your feelings in a judge-free environment. It might help you realize that you do not need negatives in your life if you do not have too and need to focus more on self compassion.

Please remember that it is okay to feel how you feel. You are not alone in life. These are serious thoughts and they are telling you to get help. You will make it through, honey, and be glad that you did.

You also have a lot of people on this site that would love to help you. Everyone is only a message a way.

1-800-273-8255