I disappear when i feel like I'm not ... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

59,422 members59,618 posts

I disappear when i feel like I'm not helping enough

Callmedanielle profile image

It seems so easy for people to give great advice, im horrible at it and it make me feel like im failing as a friend, i should know what to say when someone i care about is going through bad times instead i get anxious and words keep failing me, like seriously why in the hell people want to be friends with someone like me

31 Replies

I get super awkward when people cry in front of me i can't with tears so i just stand there

You should hug them or just hold their hands that way you won't have to talk

I know what ya mean. I'm usually like "um I'm sorry, (((hugs)))"

My brain go empty i can't find the words but hug sounds like a good idea

Danielle ❤ you are a good friend... sometimes being there, offering hugs, a ear, a smile... is just as important as having advice... knowing you aren't alone. Love you Sunflower 🌻

P.S.. We're all "bad" at something... I'm bad at returning PMs/calls.

I don't think anyone's worse than me i take at least a week to reply or call back

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to melbrown

Mel, I've missed you. I hope you are okay. xx

melbrown profile image
melbrown in reply to Agora1

❤ Agora1 big hugs... I'm hanging the best I can... a lot of ups & downs. Learning to handle the lows better ... & cherish the good things. I'll try to be more around... How are you? Lots of love.

I always think maybe they expect more, like just the right words of advice, i miss seeing you on here Mel, i really hope you get better soon love 💜💜💜🌻🌻

I think some people just want you to be there, me personally words doesn't matter it's the action

I wish it was that simple

Because you care. You don't have to say anything. Just knowing I'm not alone and there's someone out there who cares is enough.

I do care, but i wish i had enough words to back that up

Danielle, don't do that to yourself. This site is not about what people say but

how much they care. That could be shown in many different ways. Sending

hugs can always warm a person's heart. Sometimes the less said, the more

impact you make on another. I just happen to be long winded, doesn't mean

my comments are any more important than your genuine smile. :) xx

You always know what to say Agora especially on my horrible days, im going to be like my sweetstt Starrlight give hugs, hugs sound like a great idea since words are not my biggest fan

Hidden profile image

You have to know...there are no perfect words. If there were, we could all say "Thank you so much. I'm cured."

It is all in the trying. We try to help and that is the worth.

You matter enough for me to try to help.

Not everyone replies every day. We get tired and lay around...but someone else steps in. It is a broken circle of people who take turns stumbling, and the next day reaches down to another person who stumbled.

When I was in primary school, there weren't always A & B grades given. There was also an E...for effort. It meant you tried your best.

I am here.

You are not alone.

I understand.

Powerful words for someone looking only for hope.

You matter, Danielle. Give what you can.

Nothing is too small.

Callmedanielle profile image
Callmedanielle in reply to Hidden

💜🌻🌻 thank you i guess im a little too hard on myself at times

I’ve always been hard on myself too. I think we...well I don’t know why we are this way except we were created to be determined and passionate so we give it our all until we are spent and wilted.

Warm greetings Danielle 💜

I cannot agree more with everything that’s been said. I too get a loss for words; OFTEN & I sometimes have to really focus closely to what the issue really is. I’m a big hugger & I realize sometimes all I can offer is my attention & my hugs. No one always knows what to do & when to do it. Allow yourself to be human. Be gentle with yourself because no one is perfect & gets “it” right every time. Also, please try to focus on yourself & your needs too, because it’s easy to get overwhelmed by those events & other people’s stuff. Know that you cannot “fix” everything that’s wrong in the world; know that we’re all here just trying hard to do our best & how we approach each other is a process. None of us are perfect !! & Please don’t beat yourself up. That’ll just hurt you. BIG gorilla hugs & all the love little sunflower 🌻 💜.

Callmedanielle profile image
Callmedanielle in reply to OT16

Hey love i miss youuu and would definitely love one of your hugs right now

OT16 profile image
OT16 in reply to Callmedanielle

AWWWW 🥰 !!!!!!! & I’d love to give you one too !! Have a wonderful evening. 💜☮️

Callmedanielle profile image
Callmedanielle in reply to OT16

Hey love

OT16 profile image
OT16 in reply to Callmedanielle

Hey angel ! 💜💜💜💜💜🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

Hidden profile image

Don't be so hard on yourself. We don't always know the exact words. Your friends just need to know you are there for them. You don't have to fix everything. You could always tell them exactly that you don't know how to help but you want to. They will fill in the blanks. Keep Trying.

Callmedanielle profile image
Callmedanielle in reply to Hidden

I didn't think of it that way, I'll tell them maybe they can tell me how i can be more helpful, thanks hun

There was a story someone told everyone one of the times I was in a group setting. He said that he felt like his new medicine wasn’t working and had been through most of the antidepressants available. He went in to see his doctor and his doctor seemed completely unable to help. He was frustrated with his physician and wondered if he should switch.... but as he was leaving the office his doctor just briefly put his hand on his shoulder. In that instant he could see that his doctor was just as frustrated that he couldn’t help as he was.

It’s not always about the words. Try not to get too hung up on exactly what to say. Yes, having something great to say is nice but there are countless times in people’s lives where just having someone to listen helps. Someone who seems to understand even if they don’t know what to say.

I hope you’re doing well. 🙂I know we haven’t exactly talked lately.

I know we haven't talked lately i know you're struggling right now and yes i guess i always want to do more to help and i always feel like im coming up short and not doing enough

I completely understand why you feel that way. Personally, at least when I’m around people in real life, I never know what to say to people and I hate that about myself. I’m a bit better online but there are times you just don’t know what to say and that’s ok. You have to try and take comfort in knowing that sometimes, just knowing they’ve been heard by someone who is trying to understand is enough. It may never feel like enough on your end, but I know I appreciate any response from people who seem to be trying to understand and be supportive so that’s what I hope people get from my responses.

Don’t beat yourself up. The fact that you wish you could do or say more says a lot about you as a person. Stay strong okay 😃

Hi Danielle..just seeing you here is enough for me..you are beautiful just the way you are...

Hey sweetie, thank you 🌻💙💙

Stopping by. Hope you are well.

You may also like...