Any other web developers that are suicidal?

I'm losing my mind. I have created a very successful )profitable web business, but now I'm in existential crisis. I hate living with myself as I realise we're all going to die.. I dont have the courage to end myself, but I hate having dark thoughts....I know you need money to live, but I no longer have the motivation as a web entrepreneur. I feel isolated, introverted and have no friends. I don't "talk" to anyone during the whole day, except my kids on the phone at 4pm. Estranged from wife..help.

[Redfox9]

Hey hambo5, am also in IT field, it's my genuine advice for you to learn current technologies. In IT field you need to be updated, there's machine learning, big data, VR etc. Try to learn them, as there are many people who know web, either be most perfect or try to learn something new.

Sorry if I hurted you, but this is how IT works.

[Hidden in reply to Redfox9]

Hey Redfox9 thanks. I'm too depressed and stressed from existing to be able to learn anything, I want "out" of computers as they have created this illness in me. TO be honest I struggle to make it through the day. I feel imprisoned and helpless....aaarrrgh. I guess alot of people working from home feel l like they are in prison. It's truly a groundhog day existence atm with no thoughts to "better" myself. I just want out, somehow.

[Redfox9 in reply to Hidden]

Hambo5, am extremely sorry, I didn't understood the post previously, I thought you're having trouble with your job . I read your last post, and since I have gone through almost same phase, I can tell you it happens ( since it's happening with me too). Are you feeling like why should I work?

Like you can't find reason to live or work?

am asking you this because I also thought that way.

Work from home have their own advantages and disadvantages. 100% work from home isn't good, you need interaction with people now. Try to find a regular Job, because as more you will meet other people, you will feel better.

[loveandlightseeker]

I recently left my job of seven years where I traveled everyday,managed sixty employees and did presentations daily. It caused me great stress and anxiety so I left and now work 100% from home. Literally went from one extreme to the other. I have felt the feelings you have and you are not alone. We have to look at ways we can be active in our jobs from home but still socialize. I’m looking at volunteer work or continuing education classes. But I’m considering them carefully because Unfortunately I’m aware I could have a “bad” day with my depression and anxiety.

Have you considered something small that would get you out like volunteering? Church or joining a gym? Thank know it’s hard. One day and one step at a time. You are not alone. 💜

[Hidden in reply to loveandlightseeker]

I'm crippled by my fear and anxiety. I don't trust myself. Half the time I just want to walk outta the house and keep on walking. I know I am dying that's the weird thing, don't want to kill myself, but often research how long I can survive without water or giveup itis. It scares the bejesus outta me. It's weird beacuse I know if i dropped dead tomorrow, my business carries on without me, earning money (as an affiliate). I'm consumed by the fact that I have "failed" in life...

[Hidden]

I know I have suffered a nervous breakdown and I'm not sure If I have turned into a paranoid schizophrenic, it's a very weird existence in my head, too tired of living, too scared of dying, living by myself, who would know if I was a "missing person"?

[loveandlightseeker]

I am so so sorry you are going through that. I promise there is light after this! Just the fact alone that you’ve started and created a successful business is a huge accomplishment. Way to go! However, even if you walk away from the business tomorrow you still have three beautiful children that love you. I know it’s so hard to see good. I am there with you, my friend, but keep fighting. You got this!

[Hidden]

ive had the business 20 years then my wife left and took the kids, i had a psychotic breakdown and was hospitalised after threatening to kill the kids. Breaks my heart to hink about them. I know I am very unwell even still, im just terrified of the time tomorrow never comes....half of me wants to resign myself to the psych ward and give up on societal life. I don't see my kids as it is, oly in my head...