I hate u mom. I hate u mom. I hate u mom.

[Against_the_current]

Please stop treating me like i'm lesser of a human and stop drinking. My sister is little. My life is a nightmare. I want to kill myself and you every evening. I just have to take pills to survive (drug myself because you drug yourself, i'm a nice person you're turning me into misery, walking misery and then u Treat me like walking mysery. And everyone else treats me like walking mysery. And this is because i'm good. I was a good, smart, cute person, you abominated me, abominating yourself). And i swear i tried all therapists but they can't earase you. Dad, hate you too for not giving a damn. Mom i hate u. I hate u so much 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[Hidden]

You are stronger than your mum in everyway and you should be able to get past these moments - your mind is strong and you are everything you want to be, make this true

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

I'm tired of being strong 😭

[hypercat54]

I think you need to seek out more therapy and one that's more appropriate for you. You can't possibly at your young age have tried everything. Therapy like everything else takes time to start helping - after all it took a long time for you to feel like this so it will take time to heal too.

You also have to work with your therapist as they don't give you answers but can point other other angles you might not have thought about. No one can ever 'erase' damage done to you or make you forget, but you can learn to leave it all in the past and move on. That's what you need to be doing and I do think you would be better out of it to heal so have you thought about leaving home and making your own way in life instead?

Good luck anyway.

[Against_the_current in reply to hypercat54]

Probably the only way out are getting out of home and a better therapist. I tried but i was too overwhelmed and i failled. And the money aspect in both things is messing everything. I need to plan it better but i'm so caught up in pain i just live day for day. Thinking about searching for a new therapist and moving out

[Darklight_465]

I know its hard. I'm really sorry you are going through all this. I'm here for you im here to support you. Your not a walking miseray. Don't let her win, don't let her make something less out of you. Because believe it or not you are strong, you are smart, you are beautiful and I know you may not feel like that. But fuck I can see you kicking depressions ass and continuing to fight. Im proud of you because I know you want to get better and im here to help with the process. It gets better ! I swear it does. After all light cant shine without darkness. sending all my love and hugs.

[Against_the_current in reply to Darklight_465]

Aww thank you so much. This is beautiful, thank youuu 😭❤️

[Darklight_465 in reply to Against_the_current]

im here if you ever need me pm any time

[Daveacr1959]

If you are a grown adult, you have to get on with your own life. Boozers and druggys are a sad bunch. She might be trying to self medicate herself. I don’t want to sound like I have it all together, or I’m some expert. But a month after I turned 18 my dad set all my stuff by the front door. And said someday you will thank me. I was living at home and he had a new wife my step mom and step brother. He said I was getting home too late and not obeying rules. I am 62 now and I went on to take care of myself and my family. I have started and built and run a few good businesses. I have been married 42 years. I have 2 grown daughters who are nurses. I am a grandpa. I sleep overnight and babysit my grandkids one night a week. 2 years ago I was doing my daily 100 push ups , before I swam my daily mile. and something cracked in my chest. It turned out to be a rare cancer. Osteosarcoma of the sternum. I had to do chemo and have my sternum removed. It took me a year to leave the house I was so traumatized. I would only go to drs and my grandkids. Now I’m back swimming again. 99.9 percent of the time I am on here helping people. But sometimes I need help. I keep getting scared it will come back. Even though 2 years and scans are clear. Sometimes we can be traumatized so bad it takes work to dig out and stay out. Would you please help me stay strong and brave? And maybe I can help you stay strong and brave. Because we need to stay strong and brave if we are going to make it in this world. You only get 1 life and you can succeed. We all want to feel loved and be part of something good.

Here is what helps me. Maybe it will help you. Get 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Lack of sleep for too long is rough. Before I get out of bed, I do the Wim Hof guided breathing exercises free on you tube. I will do them before a meal if I’m stressed or struggling. Get 40 minutes of daily cardio exercise to produce endorphins. After your shower rinse 5 minutes in cool water. With the goal 3 months later for fully cold shower. Google cold shower therapy for mental health. This is the only thing holding me together. When I’m done with the breathing exercises and I go in my 45 degree swimming pool for 3 songs on my phone. Then I swim laps for 40 minutes.. then I’m my old self almost. I had to sell both of my businesses last year. Because I could not run them.

Some people have bad feelings about thier parents. I did not, my parents were unmarried teenagers, with no jobs or a home. I am happy they were brave enough to have me . My childhood was far from perfect. But I knew if I wanted anything good in life.. it was up to me to make it happen. I am not trying to discount your feelings for your parents. But maybe I can help you move on. And maybe you can help me? I have tried to help a few hundred people on here . You are only the second one I have asked to try help me. I don’t know anything about you. Maybe you are an older teenager and I’m an older person. But I know we are both struggling. And it feels good to help another. Just like you are worried about your sibling. Your sibling will be ok . Many people have parents who drink too much and do fine.