Echos from the past

[Shutterbug65]

No this is not a poem. But instead a happy time in my life in my early to mid twenties. At the time I was involved in a lot of relationships, many of them I was careless with, some just ended because they simply ran their course. But one in particular I’ll never forget, especially when a certain song by U2 comes on (yes this was the 80’s). I was 23 and she was 20 and I confess she was married. But told me she was separated and going through a divorce so in my naive and young mind I thought it was okay to pursue a relationship. This was one of the happiest times of my life, we were in love. We would meet several times a week (use your imagination) and talk endlessly on the phone. We also took little trips together, she knew I was into photography and loved to watch me take photos, especially in New York. We both lived in the same town in Jersey but NY was a quick bus trip away. She encouraged my creativity.

I bring this up because that particular U2 song came on and I was transported back to that time, 30 years ago, and I felt calm and wonderful. However our relationship was really domed from the start. She got back together with her hubby, left me a long heartfelt note and I never saw her again. I was of course sad and very heartbroken but eventually moved on to another relationship. But the years went by and so did the girlfriends. I’ve never married, don’t have children and very little family connections. I’m now 53 and look it, I have severe anxiety and depression. And to be honest I have real doubts that I’ll make it out of my 50’s. I was reckless back then and maybe im paying for it.

I was wondering if anyone believes we could be punished for indiscretions in our past. Karma I guess. In the mean time I’ll live with these happy memories, that’s all I have. And of course that U2 song which is Heartland. A pretty song which brought back a memory, a moment of happiness.

And of course to all those who read this long drawn out story, almost a chapter. Thank you. And please ad your thoughts.

[Eowyn7]

I don't think you're being punished. I think relationships are really hard to come by, and even if you put yourself out there you still have to meet the right person at the right time. I think anything can happen and that person may still be out there for you.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Eowyn7]

Thank you so much for your reply. I’m sorry it took so long for me to respond. I do this a lot, even with text messaging, it’s rude I know. I have no one to turn to for help. And the prospects of meeting someone scares me. I have a lot of insecurities. I’m not going to make it, living like this.

[Eowyn7 in reply to Shutterbug65]

That's ok, i do the same thing sometimes. We do the best we can. I'm sorry you're struggling. I hope things get better for you soon.

[Florida1959]

I don’t think you are being punished, maybe you are too hard on yourself, I am nearly 60 and I haven’t given up, had sone

Crap relationships, but accepted them as learning curves, they all taught me something, life can change in the blink of an eye, take care x

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Florida1959]

You are so right. Life can change that quickly. But not always for the best. Thank you so much for your reply, I’m sorry it took so long to respond back.