I am a 33 year old man who recently left his job of almost a decade to pursue a career in art. I have saved up enough money to live for a couple years without consistent income but I feel i ned help for some untreated, lifelong mental issues. Ever since I was maybe 9 or 10, I have consistently battled thoughts of suicide and often crippling fear of just living. I haven't ever truly attempted to take my life but those thoughts can be absent for awhile or be foremost in my mind for days sometimes. I also live in constant fear of most everything that might happen and also regret for most everything i do or do not do. I decided to post here after having a recent breakdown where i thought about checking myself into a local hospital but chose not to due to lack of insurance at this time. I don' t really want to eat into my savings if I do not have to in order to seek help but I feel I finally need to tackle these issues that have burdened my happiness for most of my life.
I would appreciate any suggestions or advice on this. I am not sure if i'm not providing enough information or too much so if you are able to assist and need something more from my end, I will be glad to expand.
Thank yo