basics of me. looking for some direction. I'm new here

[westpal]

I am a 33 year old man who recently left his job of almost a decade to pursue a career in art. I have saved up enough money to live for a couple years without consistent income but I feel i ned help for some untreated, lifelong mental issues. Ever since I was maybe 9 or 10, I have consistently battled thoughts of suicide and often crippling fear of just living. I haven't ever truly attempted to take my life but those thoughts can be absent for awhile or be foremost in my mind for days sometimes. I also live in constant fear of most everything that might happen and also regret for most everything i do or do not do. I decided to post here after having a recent breakdown where i thought about checking myself into a local hospital but chose not to due to lack of insurance at this time. I don' t really want to eat into my savings if I do not have to in order to seek help but I feel I finally need to tackle these issues that have burdened my happiness for most of my life.

I would appreciate any suggestions or advice on this. I am not sure if i'm not providing enough information or too much so if you are able to assist and need something more from my end, I will be glad to expand.

Thank yo

[puppypower]

Realize that you are worth spending your savings on. Check into the hospital if that’s what you really need, if it’s not then find somewhere beautiful to paint write draw whatever expression your art takes and let it heal you. Art is a special gift that is sometimes hard to share