First True AA Meeting, depersonalization afterward

Ok, so yesterday about 24 hours ago I went to my first AA meeting in over a year; it was also my first AA meeting where I felt I needed to go (after self-identifying as an alcoholic maybe 5 weeks ago) instead of my therapist suggesting I go--when I went last year I always knew I had bottles back home that I'd be drinking afterward, so I wasn't committed to not drinking.

Anyway, I had an intense depersonalization episode a few hours after going to the meeting. Fuzziness, not feeling real, etc...quite scary, but not dangerous. I was able to successfully use calming skills.

I chalk the depersonalization up to the uncharted waters of finally going to AA to be committed to not drinking...but also to something else that happened. Someone came up to me after the group and said one of the reasons they continue to go to AA is for the newcomers--the people who are lost and suffering etc. He said he loves the newcomers. He said, "I love you", and paused. I got tears in my eyes. I don't think I was ready to hear that. Now that I've had time to process, I feel like statement was too much, too fast. Without knowing the person who said it, it was probably well-intentioned and meant to be welcoming. It got through to my soul, but I have a deep distrust of men (though I am one myself; I often don't trust myself either), and frankly it felt like a violation.

That would explain the depersonalization I felt later. But this morning I'm feeling afraid because I don't know what to do. I keep asking myself "Is this how it's going to be?" I'm told it gets easier. But also, I don't think I was ready for that level of personal stuff. (For context, I did share in the group that I was new and struggling)

My friend goes to ACOA meetings, and because of yesterday's meeting I'm afraid to go to them.

Has anyone here had anything like this (depersonalization surrounding AA/ACOA/etc meetings) happen to them? Am I supposed to keep going to meetings if I keep being depersonalized? (Yes I know this is a "what if" and not in the now)

So I guess this is both a post and a question. Any thoughts would be good.

[SoberDrunk1]

I am a sober member of AA past 12 years and working the 12 steps and the obsession removed, I could relate to what you said. As part of my recovery I carry an AA meeting into a correction facility every Sunday. Its a selfless act that is part of my recovery. It keeps me grounded. I also go to 3-4 AA meetings, like the gentleman said, I go their for new-comers, to share with them recovery is possible as long as I keep spiritually fit.