brain fog / brain shocks / anxiety is so high

[Wildflower13]

I wake up every single morning thinking "today is going to be better" and every day I come to work and have anxiety attacks, check my pulse, have brain shocks (for lack of better term), get SO foggy headed there is pressure in my head and I can't even think straight...literally, cannot think straight. I have to lead meetings - just had a meeting - and couldn't even focus on what I was doing or saying because I was so foggy and panicked.

When I leave to go home, that all goes away. The anxiety isn't 100% gone but its manageable and I'm not in a constant state of panic. My body is finally able to relax. My husband does not understand. For the most part he thinks that I bring this all on myself.

We get a two week break for Christmas and I have no intention of going back to work at my current job, except, I do not have any other source of income lined up. I am desperate to find a work from home job. My nervous system..my mind..my body in general..they all need a break. I've been in this panic state for 2 years basically daily with this job. No one seems to understand except y'all.

I'm so overwhelmed. It's all so much. 🥺 I really don't want to get back on meds...especially just to be able to function for a JOB when there are so many other options.

[Hidden]

Hey Wildflower13!

Yes, we do understand here. You sound a lot like me with checking my pulse, Although when I’m in a severe state of anxiety my pulse is so high that then I start freaking out and think I’m going to stroke out which, of course, then causes even more panic. My husband is so calm which is probably one of the reasons we are still together. But, he doesn’t understand anxiety at all. You’d think he might have a better understanding after living with me for 30 years! He thinks I worry to much, and should just sit down and relax. He’s definitely right but it’s just not as easy as he thinks. I’m sure that for people who have never experienced it, it must look really weird to them. Like they think we don’t want to calm down. He’s seen me breathing in a paper bag a zillion times and still quite doesn’t get it.

You job seems to be a major stressor and I’m happy that you’re getting a 2 week break. Maybe you could find different work during your break. I too would like to find work from home. It’s not worth your health and it sounds like you’re doing pretty good without meds. I’m almost off Benzo’s and would like to start tapering off my Lexapro as well.

I really feel ya. Definitely in the same boat as you and just wanted you to know that I’m here.

Use that 2 week break for YOU.

Thanks for sharing and hang in there.

[Wildflower13 in reply to Hidden]

I absolutely know what you mean! I had finally calmed down some during the meeting today and then I thought “hmm..I don’t feel my heart racing anymore 🤔” so what do I check my pulse which was still beating really fast and that sends me into another panic! Then I started having those weird brain shock things and got super foggy headed (still kinda am 5 hours later).. then I think I’m having a seizure or something and it’s just on and on in a spiral. It’s almost comical typing it all out, lol, what in the world.. I feel like a nut case.

I’m so thankful for your reply. Im thankful to know I am not alone. Our husbands sound like the same person! “Just don’t worry”…oh my goodness. That one really gets me! No one wants to ‘not worry’ more than us!!

Thank you again for reaching out, I am thankful for your reply more than you know!! 💜 I hope you have a relaxing, stress free evening

[Hidden in reply to Wildflower13]

I’m laughing out loud only because of the word “seizure.” (For anyone reading this, I’m definitely not laughing about seizures AT ALL.) I’m only laughing because I too, think I’m going to have one when in the midst of a panic attack. It’s kind of funny because I took Klonopin for years, which is used to treat seizures as well as panic disorders. Now that I’m off the Klonopin I truly have that fear as well. I do not have epilepsy and have never had a seizure but that thought always comes to my mind now.

It’s truly amazing how panic attacks can turn us into hypochondriacs. 😫

[Wildflower13 in reply to Hidden]

Yes!! It is absolutely insane and kinda hilarious what panic can do to a person! We truly are very similar.. I have klonopin for emergency / “as needed” use. I’m thinking about taking one in the morning before work and just giving myself a more relaxing day. Not waiting until my anxiety is out of control. I just had a good long cry in the shower and feel a tiny bit lighter

I’m so glad we’ve made this online connection, truly thankful for you

[splash186]

I am so beyond sorry to hear how much you’re struggling. I’ve been struggling a lot recently also, hoping mine is just withdrawal from Effexor and will fade some with time. My husband also doesn’t totally get it, it’s hard for him to understand why I care so much about so much. I agree with the reply below about your job, I wonder if you could even seek unemployment or disability while you try to get something lined up while you focus on your health. It is so hard to prioritize ourselves especially when our society values overwork so much. I keep asking myself lately what really matters? I keep that in mind when I’m making decisions about how to respond to life’s stress. Does it really matter if I forget to send one Christmas card, if I don’t cook every night of the week, if I procrastinate some work to focus on myself? Nothing matters more to me than my sanity and my family at this point, so everything else just has matter a little less. Keep your head up ♥️

[Wildflower13 in reply to splash186]

Husbands…they just don’t get it! I do wish I could get some relief with some government assistance for a while, but if I even mentioned that, my husband would explode. I pray I can find something else ASAP. It’s way passed time for something that is less stress.

I agree, nothing is more important than our sanity and our families! Absolutely! That is what I want to stay in the forefront always. I know God’s got me and I have been leaning on Him heavily.

Thank you for your kind words and your reply. I am so thankful to know you understand and care 💜 I appreciate you and your reply more than you know!! I hope you have a relaxing, wonderful evening

[Wildflower13]

thank you for your reply! I am glad you are feeling better now and hoping you have a wonderful evening you are right, there is a reward at the gates!!

[Southern_Man]

Yes, I understand how you feel and am very sorry. The reality is that you do need to find something else - no job is worth being miserable all day and having to fight back the panic.

I was at a point where my income was higher than it had ever been in my career. I was also more miserable than I had ever been. No one is going to go to work everyday just jumping for joy to be there - that’s just work. But you don’t deserve to be miserable at it.

Maybe consider a modest paycut that your budget can tolerate right now for something that will give you much more ease and satisfaction.

[Hidden]

I empathize with your anxieties. I also have a significant amount of anxiety which I try to control through cognitive behavioral therapy, meditation, exercise, and breathing exercises. These work to some extent but not completely or for very long.

It is unfortunate the number of husbands listed above who do not understand the nature of anxiety and are not supportive. This sounds a lot like the old "there's nothing wrong with you; it's all in your head." This is a form of blaming the victim for having mental health problems.

It does sound like your work is a major source of anxiety for you and you may want to look around for other employment. If there is any way that you can get help or support at work, either from a human resources person or just a good friend, that would also be helpful.

I would suggest looking into meditation, breathing exercises, and getting additional physical exercise. I will also make one of my standard recommendations, which is to read the book Feeling Great by David Burns. It will teach you how to do can you learn cognitive behavioral therapy for yourself so that you can deal more effectively with your emotional difficulties.

Also, talk to your husband and explain to him exactly what you would like him to do. There is no point in discussing weather this anxiety is real or not or who's causing it; just do what you need to do to enlist his help. Be sure that you do not tell him what not to do, but rather tell him what you do want him to do.

[designguy]

Have you ever tried to determine what is triggering your anxiety at work? For instance, did you experience some kind of trauma related to a work situation in the past? You say you have to lead meetings, do you have social anxiety or performance anxiety? Anxiety can stem from the past, present or future and be from repressed emotions/trauma, cognitive distortions/memories, etc... The more we can determine where and why we have anxiety the better we can get the specific help we need to heal. For instance if you are actually suffering from some form of trauma or c-ptsd you could work with a therapist that specializes in treating trauma. Also, different types of anxiety should be best treated with specific treatment to be able to get better results. Something for you to consider.